<p>When I go into a hotel room, I always take off the bed spread first. No suitcase on bed or table (I could get along well with PG’s H). I also do not put my handbag on the floor either. When my kids were little, if they played outside, I would have them take off their clothes in the mud room before they came in. They didn’t sit or play on the floor (other than our home) growing up. It is my pet peeve.</p>
<p>Whatever the differences are, the question remains of whether or not the behaviors are annoying personal quirks and courtesy lapses or actually directed with intent AT the roommate. The OP makes it sound like they are with intent like some kind of poltergeist tossing things around the room making her afraid to sleep there. The facts aren’t actually clear though.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose daughter did have a truly toxic roommate with a toxic practically live in BF. She was able to engineer a swap on her own in the last several weeks so it can be done. </p>
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<p>Germaphobes, especially ones who are adamant about not allowing others to sit on their bed due to fear of “catching germs” are by definition, not amenable to rational explanations and logic. </p>
<p>In some ways, they remind me of fanatical anti-vaxxers or various conspiracy theory believers one may encounter or read about. </p>
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<p>PG,</p>
<p>Your H may also be wary as suitcases, especially ones which are used on frequent trips to hotels are cited as one common way for getting/spreading bed bugs according to several news sources and a few friends who had the misfortune of experiencing this issue when coming home from hotels on business trips. </p>
<p>Those articles stated that suitcases should be stored as far away from the bed as possible. A couple of articles even suggested if one’s in a hotel to store the suitcase in the bathroom area. </p>
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<p>Although I certainly put suitcases on tops of beds all the time, I can understand that suitcases (which obviously don’t get laundered like clothes do) could be far more dirty than someone’s clothes worn that day. </p>
<p>…But, that probably won’t stop me from packing a suitcase by placing it on the bed. (where else are we supposed to put 'em?)</p>
<p>We do take our shoes off at the door. </p>
<p>@Pizzagirl, I don’t know why you keep trying to turn thread into a discussion of that previous thread in which you misquoted me repeatedly and therefore I already said I was done discussing this with you. Shall I put you on ignore?</p>
<p>I’m not even sure how these kids even know that someone else sat on their bed while they weren’t there. Is this really interfering with their sleep?</p>
<p>And just to add, I consider myself much more of a germophobe than average. I don’t share drinks with people. I wash my hands a lot. I am in the shoes off at the door camp. And I still can’t see that people sitting on the top of the bed (we’re not snuggling under the sheets here or putting head on the pillow) would expose you to germs that aren’t simply everywhere. It never would have occurred to me that sitting on the bed would be so serious it needs to be brought to the RA for enforcement. I assume we are talking about sitting though, and not ripping the bed apart and flinging the pillows etc on the floor. </p>
<p>I would know if someone sat on my bed, unless the person would make a point of straightening out the bedspread after he/she got up.</p>
<p>People being bothered by others sitting on their beds isn’t new. Way back in the 80’s my roommate, who is still a close friend, hated people sitting on her bed. It was one of her quirks and it was no big deal. I never liked people putting backpacks or their shoes on my bed, but just sitting never bothered me. </p>
<p>So, when the no-bed-sitter students have their own guests, they sit on their bed and invite their guests to take the floor? Or is it only other people’s guests who are germy?</p>
<p>Similarly, if a no-bed-sitter student owns a chair, are guests also not allowed to sit in that? It seems to me that it’s easier to throw a bed spread in the wash if there’s a concern. How do you sanitize an upholstered chair? Are the germs not relevant if they’re on the chair? Is it OK to have a bed and a chair and tell your guest to sit on the floor?</p>
<p>Well to be fair there are usually desk chairs in the rooms, they just aren’t as comfortable as a bed. I’m bothered by night time lights, but not by slightly wrinkled beds. They seem like very different issues to me.</p>
<p>It does seem like the OP has stopped posting. However, if you are still reading OP, I do want to say that at Cornell, you probably need to run this up to the housing office for a room change. The RA and the dorm head usually can not arrange this. Some of the dorms do have nice faculty in residence which can be helpful or supportive, but not all of them are, from what I understand from students who have gone through the North campus housing system. The student will have to request a change officially, but it never hurts for parents to call to back up the student’s need for a new room. Singles do open up at Cornell since there are quite a few of them where the freshmen live, and op’s D should ask for one whenever it comes open. </p>
<p>I agree with Pizzagirl and Oldfort on the sex in the room stuff. It is an imposition to be asked to sleep elsewhere when it is your room. My freshman roommate told me her BF was coming from out of town, and that it was essentially not my room for the weekend. She even arranged with the girls across the hall for me to sleep on their floor for two nights. It bothers me to this day that I was so submissive did not tell her to get a hotel room. I also woke up one night and she had another guy in the bed with her. Ugh. Eventually I moved out. They gave me trouble about it in the process, but I insisted. This was not the only problem. I never kicked her out for any reason. Before my D went off to school, I had rehearsed her for this possibility and that rm should say get a hotel room rather than kick her out for sex if it came up. Freshman year she was lucky and got a single so this didn’t come up. For those who would happily sleep on the floor I say different strokes. </p>
<p>Speaking of sitting on the bed…when we were selling our home it was obvious some people actually laid on our bed! Not all the time, but a couple of times I could tell. I’ve seen a few House Hunters where someone will sit on the bed and I start yelling at them to get off the darn bed. </p>
<p>In my case, my roommate didn’t have a germ problem, she just liked her bed made up a certain way, and would rather it not be used as a chair. It was never a big deal, it was just one of her quirks. After hearing and reading roommate horror stories, I’d say I lucked out in that department. </p>
<p>“Similarly, if a no-bed-sitter student owns a chair, are guests also not allowed to sit in that? It seems to me that it’s easier to throw a bed spread in the wash if there’s a concern. How do you sanitize an upholstered chair? Are the germs not relevant if they’re on the chair? Is it OK to have a bed and a chair and tell your guest to sit on the floor?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want your friends sitting on my bed” seems a little high maintenance, but still within the realm of a reasonable quirk to accommodate. “I don’t want your friends even using my desk chair when they visit” seems over the top. A chair is not a bed. I go to people’s houses and I sit on their chairs, but I typically don’t sit on their beds.</p>
<p>I’m assuming these roommates who are freaked out if someone sits on their bed or desk chair with their clothes on, live in a dorm?
Do they have a shared toilet? How do they cope with that?</p>
<p>Things are generally a little more formal between adults who own houses than between young college students living together in very crowded circumstances. No, I don’t sit on my friends’ beds now either. They have living rooms with sofas. Neither would I just drop by spontaneously at say 11 pm, but that wasn’t unusual as a student.</p>
<p>No one is talking about “freaking out.” We’re talking about preferences. People have preferences that are still well within the norm. </p>
<p>Some people wouldn’t be bothered by drinking from the same cup as a friend, or eating a bite of food off the same fork / spoon, or digging into a “shared” dessert where their spoon would touch where other people’s spoons might touch.</p>
<p>Other people are just a bit more reserved about these things - they prefer not to drink from the same drink, or they’d prefer to break off the dessert with their own fork and put it on their own plate and not have germs commingle. </p>
<p>I’m in the first group, myself, but I don’t think being in the second group is “weird” or “abnormal,” and it really doesn’t do the argument much good when we act as though the second group is “freaking out” if someone so much as brushes by their bedside. </p>
<p>Perhaps we have a different idea of what freaking out means, but if someone is so anxious/ uncomfortable that they
can’t stand anyone sitting in a chair that is their roommates guest, even if they don’t say a word, it is pretty obvious.</p>
<p>I believe the OP’s daughter was “afraid” so personal preference is different. Even if most normal people would not be afraid.</p>
<p>I had a friend from college who I invited to my 2-BR apartment after college, and she proceeded to leave the bathroom a complete mess. I’m not sure if she knows why, but I ended up breaking up the friendship in large part due to this.</p>
<p>I mean, I’m a slob and all, but I do my darnedest to be ultra neat when visiting. She left shampoo, hair, toothpaste, water all over the bathroom, and left the bedclothes she borrowed all over the floor of the living room.</p>
<p>But I don’t think neatness is the issue here. Remember even if you grew up with siblings, these are STRANGERS not your flesh and blood. Common courtesy is not to sit on someone else’s bed one month into the semester, when YOUR bed is right nearby!!! </p>
<p>Oh for Pete’s sake. It’s not helpful to call your roommate a STRANGER either. Certainly the relationship is not like family. And the fact that you’ve only recently met makes it challenging. But if you go into it viewing this person you’re going to have to live with as equivalent to a random person on the street, it’s probably not going to work out well. </p>
<p>We had bean bags in our room and desk chairs. The dorm rooms were never big enough to have more than few people at one time, Yes, they could sit on the floor if need be.</p>
<p>For people with pollen allergy, they are advised to wash their hair before going to bed so pollens or other pollutants wouldn’t get on the pillow. In many culture, people would bath before going to bed, so their body is clean before getting into bed.</p>
<p>I have no issue with people sitting on my chair because I wouldn’t necessary put my face on the chair, but I would often pull sheets over my face.</p>