<p>Mom question: My son is intensely driven and as such, was accepted at some excellent schools predominantly on the East Coast. He is thrilled with these opportunities and I am excited that he is so happy and engaged (although sad to lose him as we live on the West Coast.) My "friends" ask me where he is headed and without exception reply: "I'd never want my children to move so far." or "Those elite schools are so pretentious." or "He'll never come back now." or "That school is so competitive, I'd never want my children there." I'm hurt, questioning my advice to him, confused about the "right" thing to do. Has anyone else had this experience?</p>
<p>I’m always pretty stunned when I hear these kinds of things. I’ve never heard anybody say anything other than, “Cool, sounds exciting.” Or, if it was a less well-known school, like the Claremont schools, I’ve heard, “Where is that? How did you hear about that school?” Then, “Cool. Sounds exciting.”</p>
<p>I don’t know who these people are, but I’d just ignore them.</p>
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HouseGeneral, I hope you have some more sensitive friends than these folks! 
No need to question your advice to your son based on what friends say. It seems to me that people often don’t know what to say and just blurt out a response they haven’t considered very well. Or they may be envious, or ignorant, or mean. Maybe they’re trying to turn the conversation into an opportunity to talk about their own kids. In any event, their opinions don’t matter to your son’s future. Congratulations to him on his nice results!</p>
<p>Maybe try something like this… “I’ll certainly miss him. But this is not about me. College xxx is an awesome opportunity and a great fit for him.”</p>
<p>He accepted Wharton/UPenn and was so intellectually energized by the program - something that I did not see when we visited any of the local/inexpensive schools. So I should encourage this opportunity, right? Absolutely none of my friends or family think that I should let him go or pay this pricetag (“he will get to his success regardless of school.”) I’m sad to see him go (get a job/meet a girl/have grandkids far away) but I really believe that he will grow beyond anything available locally. Am I shortsighted?</p>
<p>I have one living away at college 20 miles from home and another 2000 miles away in Boston. No doubt it is tough dealing with the distance, especially since that kid is not good about communicating with us. There are days I wish we’d made him stay in state, but it seemed unfair. </p>
<p>Most of the comments from friends are true. But your family will likely find the that the awesome opportunities at Wharton outweigh the other factors (assuming you are not going into debt or financial hardship to make it happen.)</p>
<p>If they say, “He will get to his success irregardless of school,” then you should answer, “Yes, but if I send him to XXX, he will know never to say ‘irregardless.’” (All right, just kidding. You probably shouldn’t say this.) </p>
<p>Don’t let frenemies second-guess you. Those folks will always want to bring you down. You and your DS feel good about Wharton. It’s his and your choice, literally a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and your comments about growing beyond anything available locally indicate that both of you will find it very rewarding. And going to an East Coast school doesn’t mean he will end up on the East Coast. </p>
<p>You might want to try the Parents of HS Class of 2013/College Class of 2017 Thread. There are a lot of very supportive folks who post there, many of whom are from California/West Coast, who can provide an antidote. What is it the kids say? “Haters will hate…”</p>
<p>Wow, what idiots. I think you need to distinguish between people who are just blurting out what they think with no censor, and people who really seem to be saying mean things about your son’s choice (and a few of these quotes fit into the latter category).</p>
<p>I’ve found that a long pause of few seconds, followed by calmly asking “why would you say such a thing?” can bring them to their senses.</p>
<p>If he is intellectually energized by the program, I’d say that may well be the most important thing. I’ve seen many other kids make decisions for reasons that are really peripheral, and sometimes later regretted. Moving across country is a big step, but if he thinks he’s ready for it, why not?</p>
<p>We live on the East Coast and our son will be attending college in Colorado in September.</p>
<p>When other parents ask where he’s going and we tell them almost every time the response is that that’s far away. It is, and it will be challenging for him and my wife and I, but isn’t that what life and growing up is about? We never considered this, but he was invited to apply, we talked it over, did apply and he got accepted.</p>
<p>He also was accepted to colleges closer to home. He also got accepted to one that’s a 6-1/2-hour drive to get there. We asked and thought: which would you prefer: a 3-1/2-4- hour flight or a 6-1/2-hour drive and he said the flight. In the end both trips would be virtually the same amount of time.</p>
<p>Going away to college is a new step and challenge and a learning experience beyond college courses.</p>
<p>I guess that it depends on the price tag. If it is reasonable (to you) or the trade-offs are too great (a really poor school vs a great one with no known middle ground options) then it’s a great thing. Huge debt is a terrible burden that affects everyone for years.
I would never assume that your kids are going to stick close to home just because they went to a nearby school.</p>
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<p>You put “friends” in quotes - and there’s your answer. These people are jerks, and their opinions aren’t worth the time of day. “I’d never want my children to move so far for college” is code for “I have a limited, scaredy-cat point of view about the world and I intend to hamper my children’s experiences.” Ignore them, or treat them with scorn. I’ve had that reaction to my daughter going to Boston for school (we are in Chicago) and I just say, “Oh, well, I’ve taught my kids it’s a big world out there.” That’s their problem if they “don’t understand” why a smart kid might want to go elsewhere. It’s not your problem in the least.</p>
<p>Take a look at the “Smile and Nod” thread. People say a lot of stupid things. Those people are simply betraying their own insecurities. Try to ignore them. (And remember the saying, “When people show you who they are, you should believe them.”)</p>
<p>OP,
I think many of us have had this experience, whether it is going far away, paying full price, and/or going to a school that they have not heard of. I could guess that few in my area have heard of many of the LACs, some of the Sister schools. The principal of the worm’s school had never heard of his college. Many kids stay in-state.</p>
<p>There was a thread “Smile & Nod” that said it all.</p>
<p>“We are thrilled to have raised an independent and confident son and know he will thrive west coast or east coast.”</p>
<p>All three of my kids went to, or are attending small unknown colleges. I found saying, “He’s going to… . It’s a great College, we’re so excited for him!” is a good way to set the tone.</p>
<p>I think anybody who has sent their kiddo far, far away as had some derivation of the comment “oh that’s so far away” and “he’ll never come back now.” I certainly have. But Colorado_mom has a good response. My response was always, “I’m thrilled he we are able to send him to a part of the country where he wants to spend 4 years…yes we’ll miss him.”</p>
<p>Most people think of “prestige” in terms of their region. Frankly, most of my friends would never, ever utter the word “elite” in combination with much in life. The use of that word tells you something right there about those people. Generally those are people who care about what car they drive and how many square feet their house is…let it roll off your back. Be happy and excited for your son.</p>
<p>The thing about “he’ll never come back” … they’re probably right. Unless they are raised in NYC or somewhere like that, a student who moves away to a top college is probably not going to find work back in their hometown. But that’s a good thing, on balance: they are being successful, and that means going where the action is.</p>
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<p>Maybe he will. Maybe he won’t.</p>
<p>My family is a case in point.</p>
<p>We live on the East Coast, in the suburbs of a major city.</p>
<p>My son went to our flagship state university, less than an hour from home. Within a month after graduation, he moved to California. He has been there ever since. </p>
<p>My daughter went to college a seven-hour drive from home. After graduation, she got a job (through her college’s on-campus recruiting system!) in the same metropolitan area where she grew up. She lives in the central city of our metropolitan area, about an hour from us.</p>
<p>Go figure.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your wise responses. I’m celebrating his excitement and just figuring that my friends/family’s responses come from their own insecurities (of which we all have!). It is a good reminder to always strive for the “high road” because your response is true reflection of your core. Thank you!</p>