<p>I’d probably respond with either, “Thanks!” or, “What a funny thing to say!”</p>
<p>Some people don’t think before they open their mouths. I would try not to take it personally. </p>
<p>You asked: So I should encourage this opportunity, right? </p>
<p>Absolutely. Whatever your friends say or do should have no bearing on what you choose to do, for your child. Every kid is different, every family is different. Everyone is out there trying to do the best job possible for their kids. This is what is working for your son–and that is very exciting!!</p>
<p>Lastly . . . </p>
<p>CONGRATULATIONS to both of you for a job well done to get you to this point!!!</p>
<p>Great response, Class2012Mom! I agree with those advocating different forms of smile and nod, and with marbling: Congratulations to both HouseGeneral and Son.</p>
<p>Just perfect! I hope to someday have all the wisdom demonstrated by the parents in this thread. Again, thanks for the support (and I’m sure my son REALLY thanks you!)</p>
<p>I haven’t heard any of that. The most common responses that I have received are: congratulations, you must be so proud of him, and what a wonderful opportunity. People who know my son are genuinely excited for him and tell me that Yale will be lucky to have him! Choir parents rock! :D</p>
<p>I would give your friends the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes people say things like that when they are just trying to make conversation; other times they are genuinely trying to express their empty-nest anxieties; and still other times they are trying to justify their own choices to themselves. I doubt they are trying to put you down or to seriously criticize your son’s fabulous choice.</p>
<p>When someone says, “Those schools are so competitive, I wouldn’t want my kid to got there” maybe they are just trying to share something about their own child, that is, trying to share that their own kid would not up for such intense competition. Perhaps your response could be: “Yeah, it might not be a great fit for Susie but Johnnie is extremely driven and thrives on a competitive environment.” (If this is how you really feel.) Or, “Johnnie thrives in competitive environments. What kind of environment does your child enjoy/ thrive in,” etc. </p>
<p>For the “Aren’t you worried that Johnnie will never come back?” question, why not respond honestly? “Yeah, I’ll probably have a major case of empty-nest syndrome but we are so excited about the educational and cultural opportunities that will be available for him. I’m hoping he settles nearby in the future, but honestly, it is probably not likely if he sticks with his plan to be an xxxx.” Or whatever.</p>
<p>Similarly, for the “pretentiousness” comments: How about: “I was concerned about pretentiousness, too, but when we visited we met so many lovely people.” Or, “Yeah, there were a lot of pretentious people there but Johnnie has a solid head on his shoulders and we’re not worried about that.” </p>
<p>In other words, why not treat the comments as a sincere attempt to have a conversation, instead of a snide put down?</p>
<p>Three years ago DS turned down first rate East Coast schools to go to another first-rate but lesser known (around here) school in the Midwest. It has turned out to be a wonderful, character-defining decision for him. He’s met people from other parts of the country, while not living in his own backyard. Not everyone agreed with the decision at the time, but most are believers now, since he loves his school and is clearly thriving.</p>
<p>I think that the idea of prefacing the statement about where he is going with " we are so excited about this amazing opportunity for him" is the perfect advice. No one but a true bore would make the comments you heard after that!</p>
<p>HouseGeneral,congrats to your S on finding a school he’s so happy/excited about.</p>
<p>Our situation was similiar in a sense. S1 went to a big state u. three hours from home. He was among the top students in his class. He got a NROTC scholarship. </p>
<p>There were lots of raised eyebrows, “How can you let him do that?” “Aren’t you afraid he’ll be sent to the Middle East?” “I couldn’t stand it if my kid did that.” There was almost always a comment in that vein.<br>
It really annoyed me because S1 had wanted to be in the military for practically his whole life. It was his dream just like some kids dream of being doctors. It was not as if he was “lowering” himself to pursue the military but I was often made to feel that way.</p>
<p>My reply was always “It’s his life. It’s what he has always wanted to do. Who am I to stand in the way of his dream?” That usually put an end to the comments.</p>
<p>Each year of my daughter’s college experience out-of-state, our neighbors would ask, “is she going back?” So odd. A top student in HS -although possible they didn’t know this- I wondered, do they think she flunked-out?</p>
<p>BTW, S1 is currently deployed to the Middle East. Been there since Nov. People have stopped making comments…just ask when he’s coming home. That will be June:)</p>
<p>I work with a woman who first refused to believe that I would “let” my D apply to schools OOS, and now that D has chosen a college on the opposite coast, keeps saying “But you two are so close! How could you ever send her so far?” Whenever she (and others) say things like that, I respond (truthfully) that we’re all very excited.</p>
<p>I am in my 50s. When I applied to colleges back in the 70s, I wanted to apply to UCLA. (i live in PA.) I had seen the campus on a family trip when I was 16. Back then, it was a reasonable thing (both academically and financially) for an OOS student to aim for that. But my mom refused to let me apply. Said it was too far away. Said that if I went to school there, I would probably end up living there. I was stunned when she said it and I still shake my head now, remembering that. She even said recently that she assumed I wouldn’t my daughter go far away to college. Now, my daughter has academic problems, and of course, the financial challenge of going OOS is a lot different than it used to be. But I always said that I would send her anywhere she could get in, as long as I could afford it. </p>
<p>The age of 18 is a wonderful time to spread your wings and see what’s out there. I would never, ever deny that to someone if I could afford the pricetag. And anyone who says otherwise is living a very fearful, narrow life. And I include my mother in that category.</p>
<p>One thing that I have found myself saying is that my wife and I both went far away for college and we encouraged our son to consider doing the same. Despite the apparent ease with which people will judge you for your kids’ choices, they’re much less likely to judge the life choices you made for yourself 25 or 30 years ago. Even if you didn’t travel far yourself, if you know someone else who did and survived, mentioning them may get people to realize how silly they’re being.</p>
<p>I did all my education in-state, out of guilt from my manipulative mother. When I left the state to pursue a post-doc, my mother would not communicate with me for two years, and I finally saw her selfish nature. There is my baggage! I am not a perfect mother, but I don’t want to stunt my children’s growth for my selfish needs. I’m surprised by my friends’ responses, thinking that it is obvious that we need to encourage our children’s independence, so I posted my insecurities on this forum. You all have strengthened my resolve and I thank you!</p>
<p>Congrats! It is scary but so exciting to watch our kids fly as high and far as they can. Both of our kids attended school 2500 miles, a 5.6-6 hour plane ride away. Our S now lives a 10.5 hour plane ride away. We’re still all close and very proud of our kids. </p>
<p>Don’t let others foist their insecurities on you and your S ave rain on your parade. It will be an excellent adventure!</p>
Choir parents rock! :D</p>