<p>Dump these " friends" then ask yourself why you ever considered them that in the first place. REAL friends would never act this way.</p>
<p>Is it me or are people from the West Coast particularly prone to this behavior? Californians like to think of themselves as very worldly and open-minded, but I have heard a lot of talk like this from them.</p>
<p>Both went to the East Coast, both for very good reasons, and both are, for very good reasons, very unlikely to come back. At least part of what your friends is seeing (beneath all the other junk) may very well turn out to be true.</p>
<p>I agree Keep! Left coasters feel that since we have it all here, why leave? It’s a very self-centered view, which is why I’m so frustrated with people’s response about my D leaving California’s gold to head to the midwest hah</p>
<p>@ Wintriest: The Bay area will be an excellent location for school, mild weather, and California will be fun for her to explore!
@SalveMater: ND is one of my daughter’s final choices too! How funny. She is down to three choices, and two are in the midwest. All are northern climates. Trying to get a decision soon…</p>
<p>OP, here’s the flip side of your problem, which we had to deal with: “She’s going where? Never heard of it.” Left unsaid: “… so it must not be any good.” There’s just no pleasing some people.</p>
<p>“I agree Keep! Left coasters feel that since we have it all here, why leave?”</p>
<p>Well, it’s true - we do have it all here…and without all the college angst of our East Coast friends and their newspapers.</p>
<p>When I found out recently that a friend’s daughter is going all the way across the country to school as a recruited athlete, I thought, “Why there? It’s so far away and they won’t get to see her compete.” (The girl’s sport has been a major focus of the whole family’s life.) What did I actually say? “That’s great for her! How exciting!” The parent’s response was decidedly less enthusiastic.</p>
<p>The problem with a lot of people is not what they THINK but rather that they don’t have a censor living inside their head telling them that what they are about to say is rude or potentially hurtful.</p>
<p>I think of something positive to say about every student’s after high school plans. The local community college? “They have a great transfer program, and he’ll/she’ll be saving you a lot of money. That’s smart!” Disappointing the parents by getting a job rather than going to college? “It took one of my friends a few extra years to get ready for college, and she is doing very well now. Maybe that’s the path your son needs to take.” The only one that almost stumped me was Liberty University, but I smiled and said, “It’s nice that she’ll be so close to the Virginia mountains. That’s such a beautiful area.”</p>
<p>@mini there’s no denying the west coast is a great destination, however, it was our decision to go OOS because all of the CA schools we looked at were impacted or underfunded and I imagine that the job outlook for these grads will spill over into that. Got a great tuition package OOS so have parka will travel!</p>
<p>@Ruby even though we’re SC fans, we’re switching teams now lol</p>
<p>@Marsian, love it, very sensitive and classy. I try and do the same when talking with other parents. For instance, I wouldn’t repeat what I said above to friends who’ve chosen to stay in CA. I congratulate them, say something positive and move on. Unless someone asks me for my opinion, none given.</p>
<p>If our kids have an opportunity that our friends’ kids may not, either because of their academic achievements or family finances, we may get negative reactions from other parents, not because they are really criticizing us but because they are sensitive about their own children’s situations.</p>
<p>"@mini there’s no denying the west coast is a great destination, however, it was our decision to go OOS because all of the CA schools we looked at were impacted or underfunded and I imagine that the job outlook for these grads will spill over into that. Got a great tuition package OOS so have parka will travel!"</p>
<p>As I said, both of mine went east. One of them cost us well less than half per year of what the state flagship would have, the other about the same.</p>
<p>But they’re not coming back. (Though the younger one is considering a longer-term move to So.Cal, and the older one will likely be professor of music at Muskogee Beauty College.)</p>
<p>Back in the dark ages, my mother said I could go anywhere I wanted, provided it was within three hours radius of New York City. (Except for Cornell, 'cause she thought it was only three hours away!) I tested the envelope, and went 3 1/2 hours away. By the time they went to college, mine had lived, studied, or worked in Egypt and India, so 3,000 miles away was pretty close.</p>
<p>Yes, well, mine aren’t coming back either, and they went west. ;)</p>
<p>Oldest is leaving the country, in fact.</p>
<p>I’m keeping the bedrooms for them anyway. I don’t care.</p>
<p>I don’t know how anyone can see so far into the future to know for sure where our kids will live at any point in the future. So far my daughter has lived in IL, China, NYC, Nashville and now lives in Washington DC. I know kids that went OOS and moved home after graduation and kids that went to college in-state and moved OOS after graduation. We too are keeping bedrooms open.</p>
<p>When you say they ‘lived in’ various exotic foreign places, you mean they studied abroad or did an exchange, right? Or did they actually move there?</p>
<p>More potential smart-alec-y answers:
“We felt it was important for him to get far away from the bad influences around here.”
“Well, so are we, so it’s a perfect fit.”
“If he does come back, we plan to hide until he goes away again.”
“We feel that our kid needs to be taken down a peg or two, so it should be good for him.”</p>
<p>^^ lol …</p>
<p>Parents who make these comments may be thinking ~ what’s wrong with our local college, what’s wrong with our local kids? It’s not said, but they see it as rejection of sorts. And when people hurt, they say less than tactful things.</p>