Roomate essay help?

Colleges and Universities A-Z Stanford University
1

<p>I'm putting the finishing touches on my stanford short essays. One that I'm not sure about is my roomate essay. Could you guys look it over and critique it? I'd greatly appreciate it. Here's what I have so far:</p>

<p>I don’t collect stamps, minerals, or even rubber ducks; I collect experiences. I am constantly looking to try new things and push myself in new directions. I went to prom in gold lamé hammerpants. I have driven cross-country, and climbed the tallest mountain in New Hampshire in November. I like to jump into something with both feet and figure it out as I go. In some ways, it may seem like I’m just another adrenaline junkie, which may be true, but I am also a total nerd.
I find something oddly soothing about spec sheets for electronic components and will spend hours figuring out why my creations aren’t working. I like to go for a rowing to clear my head when I get stuck. I like working late at night, either listening to electronica or techno or NPR. I also really like cars. I watch F1 racing, not only for the racing, but to see the ingenious car designs the teams come up with. I unashamedly sing in the shower. I also have an ugly sweater for every day of the week.
I’m also the guy to drop all that and hear you out when you’re having a rough day and try to make it better. I’m happy to lend a hand on anything, whether it’s a cool invention or a difficult problem set. I love hearing peoples stories and backgrounds. I can’t wait to get to know yours. All in all, I’m Andy. </p>

2

<p>The part about you being a total nerd threw me off a little bit. That is completely fine to say, but I think you need to reposition where you put it. You start off talking about these exciting things that you have done, then you transition into the more educational aspect of yourself, which is fine. But what throws me off is that you have that transition, make only one comment about it, and then go back to more casual topics. It seems as if that one portion is out of place/ and or thrown in there just to be included. </p>

<p>I do like the way you go about the essay topic, however! It’s a great way to share a side of yourself that won’t be able to be shown in the application! Put a little more work into it and I think you will have yourself a pretty swell essay.</p>

3

<p>The whole “I’m ‘insert name here’.” thing is overdone, in my opinion, especially as the last sentence. Maybe replace it with something a little more creative? Or even delete the sentence and end with getting to know your new roommate?</p>

<p>Otherwise, I like it!</p>

4

<p>Please, don’t post your essays on CC. It’s very easy for someone to come and paste this into their own application and make it look like you plagiarized their work.</p>