<p>I found out my D's roommate and both suitemates went to the same HS in state. My D is OOS. I am a bit concerned, since they obviously know each other and my D will be an outsider. I'm guessing they requested each other. Two of the girls also seem to share ethnicity. I didn't share this info with my daughter. She is shy and didn't contact her roomie yet, and roomie didn't either. Do you guys have any similar experiences or suggestions for my D?</p>
<p>Someone had to be the 4th roommate in that suite and your D is it. Don't let it worry you, things could go very well. Many roommates coexist instead of becoming friends, presume your D will make friends outside of her suite. Perhaps she should try to contact her roommate, they may both be waiting for the other one to do so. As everybody experiences college life the former HS classmates may diverge from each other and your D won't be such an outsider. Give it a chance, if your D is miserable, SHE can work on changing rooms. I can also see all 3 of the suitemates wanting to get to know your D and life outside state X.</p>
<p>Many persons think it's great to room together in college......having no clue what it's like to live with another. I've witnessed too many friendships come to a screetching halt once living together. Have your daughter attempt to contact them. Positive outlook with the living arrangements and it could be great.</p>
<p>They may not even be close friends.</p>
<p>They may simply have roomed together because they regard each other as "known quantities." They may have figured that by rooming with people they know, they would avoid drunks, crazies, and other strange phenomena that show up when you don't request a roommate.</p>
<p>They may be more worried about your daughter (the one "unknown") than she is about them.</p>
<p>It's not quite the same thing, but I went to college with my HS best friend. We asked to be in the same dorm, but not to room together, and we wound up next door to one another and sharing a bathroom, each of us with three other roommates. I am certain that the six others would say, in retrospect, that the fact that two of us were close friends was a good deal for everyone. Everyone in the two rooms became close, and a lot of other people were drawn to us precisely because (unlike many of our peers) we were not trying to reinvent ourselves, and we could have a high degree of trust and comfort with one another. It helped, of course, that we were both outgoing, and in fact quite different from one another, and we both wanted to meet and to befriend new people. (We remained close through college, though, and indeed today, although he is literally on the other side of the world now.)</p>
<p>Anyway, my point is that, while I'm not going to deny the potential for problems, there's also the potential for real benefits. At the very least, your daughter will have access to a ready-made network of people who will probably be happy to include her if she wants to be included.</p>
<p>She should contact her roommate to be. It is very common at my kids' high school for acquaintances to get together as roomies at Big State U. Often these are not "best friends", but just friends/acquaintances who feel they will be compatible.
your D may turn out to be odd man out, or she may not, it is too early to tell.</p>
<p>My S had friends from h.s. who roomed together in a 4 room suite at our big state u. S attends same sch. but in a different dorm with his h.s friend as a roommate. </p>
<p>In the suite, 7 of the 8 boys were in-state and the 8th was from across the country. My S's two friends took him right in and introduced to the dozen other kids from s's class who attend the sch. Now "Iowa Boy" is completely part of their group. He does everything with them and when there is a short school break, he comes home with one of them. He's a nice kid and a welcome addition to their group. Hope it works out that way for your D.</p>
<p>I have a question that is sort of on track. My daughter's best friend decided to apply to the same instate school as my daughter. My daughter does not want to room with her. Should she say something now or just wait till decisions have been made. Maybe they won't even end up at the same school. But my daughter is thinking about not applying to the school at all. It is not her first choice anyway. But I think that is crazy to drop the school for that reason. Any thoughts?</p>
<p>Wait until decisions have been made before saying anything. How does your d know that classmate wants to room with her? And what would she say? "By the way, if we do both get into School A, and we both decide to attend School A, just know that I don't want to share a room with you"? Lots of "ifs", and it sounds a bit presumptuous, doesn't it?</p>
<p>My d and one of her best friends are going to the same school, but decided that they didn't want to room together. That decision was mutual - and made only after both decided to go to the school.</p>
<p>Don't buy trouble.</p>
<p>thanks, Chedva, I will tell her to go ahead and apply and keep mum for now. Good advice.</p>
<p>It is also possible the two girls don't know each other. A friend of my D's went to a large instate university. She was randomly assigned a girl from her high school. They had never met in high school. Not likely but strange things do happen.</p>
<p>candace, at every school daughter looked at the rule was for 2 kids to room together both had to put the other's name on the request form. Where she wound up going also had a space to list the name of anyone she did not want to live with. All info supposed to be private. From what she saw in her dorm yesterday (just the first day) the only HS classmates living together were ones who requested to do so.</p>
<p>thanks,cmbmom, for more good advice.</p>
<p>My D has now contacted her roomie via Facebook and they have corresponded. I still have not mentioned to my D that the other girls are from the same school, I said maybe you should ask her if she knows the other kids in the suite. Since their HS is not large and is the same size as my D's I am pretty sure they know each other. I am optimistic as my D is open minded, I am just so new to this and my D has never shared a room, it's a little scary.</p>
<p>my D has two friends, and both applied to the same school, a many do in Cal, andyway after both got in, one blurted out, hey we can be roomies</p>
<p>both felt awkward because both wanted to be nice, and the one who blurted it out didn't really want to room as she wanted to meet more people</p>
<p>so they both just said, hey, its better to NOT room togheter and meet more people </p>
<p>now they work out sometimes together and are best friends, but are really glad they were honest with each other</p>
<p>i think your D will be fine, and she should facebook or call each girl and break the ice</p>
<p>Sometimes seizing a bull by the horns and using a little honesty can be a good thing. What about callling or facebooking each of the girls saying, "hey, I noticed the three of you all went to the same high school and I'm glad that you're good friends... I'm a bit nervous about this situation... I really want to be good friends with all of you too w/o feeling like a fifth wheel..."</p>
<p>My feeling is that sometimes in these situations the other girls don't have a previously formulated intent to leave out the extra girl, they are instead just immaturely oblivious to the effects of their behavior. </p>
<p>A call to each of the girls on a one-on-one basis, especially if the concerns are mentioned in the general conversation of what should I bring/what are you bringing and other happy talk, could work.</p>
<p>My daughter has only been at college for a week, so don't place too much weight on this post, but...</p>
<p>She and one of her closest friends from high school are at the same college. They did not try to room together. My daughter wanted (and got) a single. The other girl needed (and got) a room in an air-conditioned building for medical reasons. </p>
<p>So far, the fact that they do not live together has turned out to be an advantage. Each of them, like all new freshmen, is having the opportunity to meet the people on her own floor, but the two of them also do some things together, and they have met each other's neighbors as a result. My daughter says, for example, that her friend's roommate is a very nice girl. </p>
<p>Having a close friend from high school at the same college but in a different dorm seems to double your opportunities to meet people.</p>
<p>I don't think you have to mention the 5th wheel thing at first, but ask the girls, hey, I noticed you all went to the same HS, what is your school like? And with a few questions, you can get a feel for what the situation might be....</p>
<p>Three of my son's classmates will be in this situation -- forming three-fourths of a quad with somebody from somewhere. For that group, I predict things will be fine. The boys are actually quite diverse, and not necessarily bestest of friends. They just clustered together on the "devil you know" theory. I am sure that they are all interested in meeting others, and would be happy to respond to any friendliness from the new guy.</p>