<p>A few weeks ago my DD got her dorm assignment - a triple, instead of the double she was expecting, although in a very desirable dorm. The Housing Office will not make any changes once an assignment is made, regardless of reason.She was a little upset but came to accept it as fact and figured that it would be okay afterall. Today she got her roommate assignments and it turns out that she will be living with two girls of the same ethnic origin who speak a language other than English as their first language. My daughter attended a public high school with a reasonable level of diversity and she has friends and classmates of the same origin as her roommates. However, she is very upset that she will be the "odd man out" in this situation - not at all a matter of prejudice. In fact, her fear is that she will be the minority and is afraid that she will feel lonely and left out. I've told her that many students don't spend alot of time in their dorm room and as long as everyone is friendly and respectful it will be fine. I'm curious if anyone has had such an experience or has an opinion.</p>
<p>Sounds like everyone's experience will be broadened, colleges usually have a mythod to their madness:)</p>
<p>No experience, just a thought. If your daughter is so inclined, it may help her to reach out to both of these girls prior to moving in. If she feels connected to them before the start of the school year it may make their differences all but vanish.</p>
<p>Sounds like an opportunity for everyone.</p>
<p>TwoKidsIn, this might be a very good opportunity for your DD to learn a different culture. There are many foreign students here that are room with two American roommates. Keep a positive attitude and treat this as an opportunity and she will do fine.</p>
<p>My sister-in-law was assigned to a triple at Stanford (in dorm rooms designed for two students). She says it gave her a huge lesson in patience. She said she learned to study at the library, since her room was always occupied. She also says that she really appreciated all of the space in her subsequent dorm rooms. Do plan ahead to rotate home seasonal wardrobe items.</p>
<p>I think your D's concern is reasonable and it could well end up the way you describe. Hopefully they'll be considerate and include your D rather than exclude her (not on purpose) as could easily happen if they mostly speak to just each other in their own language. I agree with the suggestion to reach out to them up front if possible. I think all your D can do is to be friendly with each of them (as I'm sure she will be), engage them in conversation, and be tolerant when they launch into their own language with each other. She needs to understand that they're not necessarily trying to be rude but that it might be easier for them to speak in their own language every now and then. If it seems to be the norm remind your D that she'll meet other people on her floor as will her roommates that she'll also spend time with.</p>
<p>They might use their own language when together, but switch over to English when she enters the room. They might use their language but when she addresses them in English, reply to her in English. A lot depends on how fluent they are already in English. </p>
<p>Looking at it positively, if one of them is fairly recent here and the other more acculturated, it will be a blessing to have the more acculturated one help the other translate or understand things, rather than your daughter needing to be the one to do this so much. </p>
<p>The opportunity to learn about other cultures is one of the great things about college. If she's worried about being the minority in that room setting, she'll also grow in understanding of what the other girls feel like out in the larger setting of college. </p>
<p>Nobody wants to feel as though they could be left out in a threesome, but<br>
there are many other factors in what causes some roommates to become friends, while others just stay as good, considerate partners sharing a space.
By personality or interests, she might end up having a strong bond with one or even both of these roommates. She'll only find that out if she's very open and friendly at first. </p>
<p>Also, thinhgs change during the course of the year. If they are very dependent on one another at first, this could change within a month as each becomes more settled. It's time to be as open as possible.</p>
<p>If they are tripled, it's likely there's a housing crunch of some kind and other freshmen will also be tripled. So that's a bonding experience, if a crowded one; something to talk about in hallways together. </p>
<p>One thing to consider: if the room is a divided double, they might want to put all 3 beds together in one half of the space; and all 3 desks in the outer room. That way, there's one place for sleeping, another for awake activities.
If they arrive and it's set up so there are two beds in one room and one bed in the other room, it might be a good thing for your D to ask all to rearrange furniture so she's included. If it's all just one undivided room, however, no issue there at all.</p>
<p>What language/ethnicity are the two roommates?</p>
<p>I just got a copy of the Rosetta Stone demo CD ... which was free. It contains intro lessons for more than a dozen languages. Easy to use -- I suggest getting a copy and learning some words in their language.</p>
<p>Just because the other two speak the same first language, it does not mean that they will like each other. For all you know, one of <em>them</em> will become the odd man out.</p>
<p>Tell your daughter that freshman rarely become best friends with their first assigned roommates. All they have to do is live together, not be best buddies. Facebook is an excellent way to "meet" other students attending the same school before she arrives. Yes, maybe one of her roommates will end up being her best friend, but more likely, she will gravitate toward others in the same major or ECs.</p>
<p>I'm not an expert on this, but I'm guessing the roomies must be pretty fluent in English to have been admitted. It will be a relief to them to speak in their first language when they're tired or stressed, but they'll want to be speaking English a lot to maintain and improve their fluency. If they're from India, their English might be better than that of most Americans.</p>
<p>I was in a triple meant to be a double my freshman year. None of us really became great friends. The third girl moved out at Thanksgiving when space became available at another dorm. The two of us left together were still not buddies. We didn't do anything together but managed to peacefully co-exist.</p>
<p>I did become great friends with the two girls in the room next door. I basically stayed in their room all the time that I wasn't sleeping or studying. Also had friends at other dorms that I could do things with.</p>
<p>Maybe if your D goes into it with a light hearted attitude, the language thing won't be a problem. </p>
<p>If for some reason it is just intolerable, will her school allow her to change rooms/dorms if a space becomes available later in the semester/year?</p>
<p>
[quote]
Sounds like everyone's experience will be broadened...
[/quote]
Actually, no. If the girls came from different cultures & spoke different languages, I'd agree. </p>
<p>I can see why TwoKids is concerned. The girls may be delightful & inclusive, but the natural tendency to slip back into speaking their own language may be hard to resist. I think TwoKids D should be super friendly but also make it clear from day one that she'll feel very left out if the girls chat with each other in her presence in their own language. It's very rude! Getting a Rosetta Stone program before move in & letting the girls know she's interested in their language is a great idea. It's a wonderful way to compromise: I'll make an effort to learn your language, but you have to make an effort to respect my feelings, as well. If all goes well, her D could walk away with both great friendships & fluency in a new language, courtesy of private tutoring from her new roomates.</p>
<p>Way back in the day, I was placed in a triple, Freshman year. Bonded well with one girl, and the third was our polar opposite. We TRIED to be friendly but those with common interests (including cultures with these girls) tend to gravitate together, leaving the third out. In our situation, the odd girl found a new room assignment and we were fortunate to spend the remainder of our freshman year, leaving in a triple, only with two persons!!!</p>
<p>I suspect that the two girls who speak the same language were put together so they have some extra support as they attend a college far from their home and original culture. It's difficult enough for most young people to go away from home for college. It's even more difficult when the students are far from their countries of origin and the college doesn't have many people of their ethnicity.</p>
<p>I suspect that your D was put in the room because her background indicated that she's open minded, has had a lot of experience with people of different cultures, would enjoy living with students of different cultures, and would have the compassion and interest to become friends with her roommates, while having a tolerance for their need sometimes to speak in a language that she doesn't understand.</p>
<p>My younger S is awaiting word of who he will be living with in a triple. If he ends up in the kind of situation your D is in, I would be OK with it because he has the empathy as well as diverse background to be able to handle such a situation so it would be a good experience for him and for his roommates.</p>
<p>"I think TwoKids D should be super friendly but also make it clear from day one that she'll feel very left out if the girls chat with each other in her presence in their own language. It's very rude! "</p>
<p>I do think it would be nice to lay down some mutually acceptable guidelines about this. At the same time, I think the OP's D should have an empathy for the fact that they will be spending the bulk of their days having to communicate in a language that's not their first language, and when they are home in their dorm room, there will be times when they will need to communicate in their first language. As an example: I can imagine that if something happened during the day that upset one of her roommates, the roommate may need to talk to the other in her own language. It may be too difficult to initially express her feelings in English.</p>
<p>Similarly, if the roommates make phonecalls from their room to friends and relatives, some of those conversations will be in their native language.</p>
<p>I think it will be important for your D to recognize that she's likely to be their bridge person -- the person who interprets various things about the U.S. to them, and if she's willing to accept this role, she could be a very close and trusted friend to both of them while learning a great deal about their culture of origin.</p>
<p>She could do what I did as a freshman and take a class in the language my roommate was fluent in. I had free help in the bottom bunk. :)</p>
<p>Good point about being the "bridge person," Northstar. I'd also expect calls to home would be in the home language. It's about mutual respect. I think most of us have been in situations where two people break into their own language, sometimes accompanied by giggling, and it's as if the speakers turned their backs on you or rudely shut a door in your face.</p>
<p>I think most people give residential life too much credit. I suspect that most schools (not all) put very little effort into "matching" roommates. It seems to me that most of it is purely random (in spite of the questionnaires kids fill out).</p>
<p>DD had a foreign student for a roommate her first year. Roommate was actually taking classes from a sister school at D's university. Many kids on her floor were in the same situation. The foreign students tended to keep to themselves, spoke mostly to each other in their native languages and even seemed to keep on their home time schedules. First semester was pretty rough as the two seemed to have almost nothing in common. The way her school works, the foreign students start in February, go through the summer and continue till December, so her roommate had already been on campus for 7 months. Then in Dec. DD and others like her were given the choice of changing rooms to buddy up with another non foreign student who had also "lost" their roommate, hoping for a single (never happens) or having another foreign roommate for the spring semester. Oddly enough, the last option was the one she chose and this time ended up with a friendlier roommate who actually wanted to do things with her. Mixed bag. DD would have preferred a more "traditional" roommate from the start, but even those don't come with any guarantees.</p>