<p>is it a bad idea to room with a good friend, not best, but good friend from home?</p>
<p>The only problem is my friend is "very" sexually active and i dont want to be in the room when hes with a girl, which i hope wont be 24/7.</p>
<p>Is a part of the college experience rooming with someone you don't know?</p>
<p>Yes...........</p>
<p>Yea...think of it as a way to get to know one additional person even before starting classes</p>
<p>plus friends tend not to stay friends if they are incompatible roommates</p>
<p>I'd recommend against rooming together. While many roomates end up becoming friends as well, keep in mind this isn't really necessary. What IS necessary is respect for each other. And ironically this is often harder to do with a friend because it can be uncomfortable asking a friend to change their behavior or to bring up a problem. Many times people who start by rooming with a friend from home aren't on speaking terms or change roomates by the end of the school year. Friends often tend to assume "Joe would be ok with me borrowing this" and take things without asking, for example.</p>
<p>A second issue is college is a time for people to change, a fresh start. People tend to be typecast in HS, and your friends are going to assume/expect you to be like the person you were before and there is some indirect pressure bound to occur if you try to change.</p>
<p>I completely agree with what these guys have told you.</p>
<p>Rooming with a friend does turn out fine some of the time, but it's not really worth risking your friendship over. Also, your freshmen roommate will likely be the worst situation of your college experience because it's the first time (usually) that both of you have had to live in that kind of environment, so you're more likely to p*ss each other off!
Also, you have a choice of roommates for sophomore yr on (typically), so that makes it far easier!</p>
<p>Erp, I plan on doing this next year. Didn't really put thought into it as we hang out a lot. Oh well, we'll see what happens.</p>
<p>Disagree, i roomed with a friend and we got along fine... Sure there were things we didn't agree on and we got into petty arguments, but we were close friends and didn't let that stuff bother us. Plus it didn't hurt that my friend was the nicest guy i know. Anyways, it does kind of detract from the whole experience as you will not be rooming with someone you don't know but you can still form close relationships with your hallmates/building mates... If you are going to room with your friend make sure you truly know him/her. It can be a lot of fun, we were really organized when we got to school - we agreed to bring certain things - tv, chairs etc... we shared almost everything and for some reason our room became the hang out room for the building. I never felt uncomfortable sharing grievances with him. For example, when he would play WOW with the speakers online at 4am I would just yell " TURN THAT S**T DOWN" and he would get the message =)... mind you, we are really close =)</p>
<p>You never REALLY know people until you have to live with them. Issues like personal hygiene, sleeping habits and snoring, cleanliness, sexual habits, etc. can strain or even destroy a friendship.</p>
<p>It's not automatically a bad thing to room with a friend, but the consensus seems to be that it usually DOESN'T work out! That doesn't mean that it can't work for you and your friend though.</p>
<p>You two have to decide how important your friendship is, and is rooming together worth the risks involved.</p>
<p>I roomed with my best friend from high school and it went very well. We were very much alike and enjoyed studying together. Several of our hs friends tried this and ended up moving out on each other (one girl withing weeks of school starting). Don't know how to predict how it will work out but I have no regrets 20+ years later and only fond memories of my 3 years of rooming with my best friend from hs.</p>
<p>I definitley wouldn't room with a friend because even when my friends spend-a-night now, I want them to go home by the second day. It's weird but...yeah. Plus one of my best friends, we both have our little habits and I couldn't see myself living with her but she doesn't plan on going to college and she doesn't have the same grades I do so....I don't have to worry about that.</p>
<p>I room with a good friend from high schoo and it works pretty darn well. We split buying food and stuff, and we help eachother with homework. Its better then any of the horror stories of people with their roommates.</p>
<p>90% of the time, it turns out bad.</p>
<p>I have two potential situations that I need some advice on:</p>
<p>1) My best friend is considering the same college I am definitely going to. We have had a couple HUGE fights in the past couple of years that have kind of gotten swept under the rug... if we roomed together I know that stuff would come up again... Although we are close, we have become very different and I am definitely enjoying our friendship in short time increments (we only have a couple of classes together and although she isn't, I am branching out and finding more close friends).
<em>Case in point - If she decides to go to the same college, it will be expected by her that we will room together. How do I get out of it?? She will see through any bull sh</em>* excuse... I need help</p>
<p>2) If situation #1 doesn't happen... this one might. There is this girl in a few of my classes. We never have really gotten to know each other, but have always had mutual friends through junior high and high school. She just signed to play fastpitch for the college I am going to. If it comes up that we should stay together (another friend brought it up to both of us and we both seemed to just try to bow out to see what the other wanted). From what has been said in this thread, it seems that it may not be the best for us to room together...
*Case in point - Do you guys think it would turn out ok if we did since we don't really know each other? I am leaning toward not rooming with her either and going for the traditional live-with-who-they-sign-me-up-with situation so how do I bow out of this one without giving her the message that I don't want to be friends in college (I do)? This one will not be as hard as the first.</p>
<p>I don't think you should room with either. </p>
<p>You can all live in the same dorm or different living situations on campus and still be friends, still be a support system for each other, etc., but you don't need to be in each other's face 24/7. </p>
<p>It may be better for your athlete friend to room with another athlete anyway, because they really do live another lifestyle than academic students.</p>
<p>Freshman year really is a time to meet and experience new people.</p>
<p>"A second issue is college is a time for people to change, a fresh start. People tend to be typecast in HS, and your friends are going to assume/expect you to be like the person you were before and there is some indirect pressure bound to occur if you try to change."</p>
<p>i've been stressing this to alot of my friends....many people in my graduating class this year are going to stonybrook university. i think i would have a heart attack if i had to go to the same school as half of my high school. it's about growing up. you can always apply to be in the same building or whatever and still be friends. your friendship might just be stronger that way.</p>
<p>i like to think about it this way: if you and a good friend go to the same school and decide not to dorm together, then you will have a chance to make a friend out of your roommate and so will your friend from hs. then you and your hs friend can get to know each other's roommate's and make one more friend. then the chain gets longer and longer. </p>
<p>it's all about the connections people. you meet one new person, you meet 2 more than 3 and so forth.</p>
<p>Yea I don't really want to room with either of them but am having a hard time figuring out how to get myself out of it gracefully....</p>
<p>The friend in option #1 above has a nice, but unbelievable involved and manipulative mom who will want us to room together and will make it VERY hard for me to say no... </p>
<p>Does anybody have a good way for me to get out of it?</p>
<p>avoid them for weeks and weeks.</p>
<p>tell them that you have some disease that will scare them off.</p>
<p>be straightfoward and tell them that you want to try out the roommate thing freshman year.</p>
<p>tell them the same thing but say that you'll consider it for sophmore year.</p>
<p>find some habit that you can or cant live with and explain to her that you just can't share a room with her.</p>
<p>I'd think it's best if you were just honest that you simply want to dorm with someone you don't know because you want to meet new people and create new friends. That's part of the college experience. If she can't understand that then it's her problem not yours. If it comes up just say be frank and tell em I'm not too sure that's going to happen.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Yea I don't really want to room with either of them but am having a hard time figuring out how to get myself out of it gracefully.... The friend in option #1 above has a nice, but unbelievable involved and manipulative mom who will want us to room together and will make it VERY hard for me to say no...
[/quote]
Actually you're fortunate to have this problem, although I'm sure it doesn't seem like it at the time ;) College, as many have already noted, is a time for not just academics but growing from a child living at home to an independent adult. And a part of being an adult is being assertive; this doesn't mean pushy, but it means standing up for your rights. And fate has given you an excellent chance to practice/develop this skill.</p>
<p>To start with, why is this mother more entitled to decide who YOU room with than you are? While you are being nice and agreeable and so on, I think you realize it comes at a cost. A cost that YOU pay, and that I think you're ready to put a stop to. Balmes has good advice about what to say. </p>
<p>Don't be swayed or pulled into arguments; there's a technique called "broken record" that works when you're being hectored. For example, manipulative mom my say "My goodness! You might end up with a complete (insert terrible trait here)!! Why not room with Sally so you don't ruin your frosh year?" The broken record reply simply repeats your base claim and refuses to get dragged into arguments/discussions. So you say "I'll handle that if it comes up, but I've decided I want to room with someone new when I go away to college". She says any more along those lines and you only reply "I've decided I want to room with someone new when I go away to college". Don't get pulled into arguing or trying to explain yourself. This lets you ignore manipulation, baiting, and irrelevant logic. Otherwise you'll end up in a debate about safety, new roomates, etc. </p>
<p>Again, manipulative mom scowls and says "Linda! Why all the time you've spent here with Sally, well, you're practically a daughter to me. I'd be so happy if you two roomed together". Again, broken record. Otherwise you're debating what makes her happy and trying to convince her she'll still be happy if Sally rooms with someone else, on the sticky ground about her affection for you, etc.</p>
<p>There are many books and websites that talk about assertiveness. One is at <a href="http://tinyurl.com/2bv23%5B/url%5D">http://tinyurl.com/2bv23</a> And like I said, while you may feel uncomfortable about this now my bet is that if you stand up for yourself on this you'll make some interesting discoveries. One is how good it feels to stand up for your rights. And I think you'll have some new-found respect from manipulative mom who realizes she can't twist you around her finger all the time. Probably a little envy from your friend, too, who'll wish she could stand up to her mom like you did.</p>
<p>I am an older lady who has been in many colleges; I flunked out twice, dropped out once, and have 4 college degrees including a grad degree. I am a teacher. I am on this website because I am writing a book about the problems of college life. The book is called, The 7 Crises of College Life and How to Handle Them.</p>
<p>Right now I am looking for stories about college students who have changed their majors. I am especially interested in particularly dramatic stories, unusual stories or funny stories. Please email me if you know of any or know someone who would be willing to let me interview him or her.</p>
<p>I think that sharing a room with anyone is difficult whether or not the person you room with is a friend. In general, I think it is easier to share a room with someone who is quiet, conservative and who is not likely to engage in behavior in your presence that could make you uncomfortable. Behavior that makes you uncomfortable will become unbearable after a few months in a room together. Pick someone who shares your lifestyle and moral values. There is a certain comfort in having a friend with you, so that could work out. But if it doesn't work out, you will be losing not only a roommate, but a friend. Sometimes it is better to risk just losing a roommate. That is for you to decide.</p>