<p>Quant- where on here did anyone say it was OK for the D to be in a room with illegal activities going on? I think it’s been repeatedly stated that that’s NOT ok but as of now, there is no illegal activity. Period. </p>
<p>I am a very laid back person. IDGAF what anyone does, but I do set boundaries when it concerns me. So while yes, you should be non-judgmental and accommodating of your roommate, you should NOT do so if you are putting yourself at risk. Please show me where ANYTHING contradicts that. </p>
<p>I know a LOT of people that smoke. I do not know ANYONE dumb enough to smoke in their rooms.</p>
<p>romanigypsyeyes, you may not have been one of the people who were writing about the need to “set boundaries.” I interpreted that to mean that it was incumbent upon the OP’s daughter to set the boundaries on her roommate’s activities–the presumption being that the roommate would probably want to smoke in the room.</p>
<p>Comment added as an edit/also cross-posted with the second paragraph of romanigypsyeyes’ post just above this: Maybe the other posters actually meant that the students needed to set boundaries for themselves, in terms of whether they would/would not report the roommate? I keep coming back to the thought that the better idea would be for lawful conduct to be the default expectation–so that it doesn’t ever come to the question of reporting or not. </p>
<p>People dumb enough to smoke in their rooms: Based on “reliable reports,” <em>cough</em> Yalies <em>cough</em> but I doubt that it happens only there.</p>
<p>But aside from that, when it comes to “dumb,” here are the possibilities as I see them:</p>
<p>a) The OP’s D’s roommate was misrepresenting herself, in order to seem more sophisticated, or anti-establishment. (Is anyone still anti-establishment?)<br>
Rating: Not necessarily dumb. [Edit: but as I think about it longer, still kind of dumb, really]</p>
<p>b) The OP’s D’s roommate was misrepresenting herself, with the knowledge that the OP would read the email and be shocked.<br>
OP’s D: Hey, my parent reads my email. Do you know of any remedy for that?<br>
OP’s D’s roommate: Sure. Leave it to me.
Rating: Pretty clever, actually.</p>
<p>c) The OP’s D’s roommate was representing herself accurately, to someone she barely knows.<br>
OP’s D: Oh, that’s interesting. My dad is the District Attorney/Chief of Police/Head of Narcotics Squad/etc. for our area.
Rating: well, this one seems pretty dumb on the part of the roommate.</p>
<p>Posting from my base in “Politically liberal, but evidently socially conservative Nerdville [Population: 2], where I have lost track of the means of communication favored by 18-year-olds.” What about the possibility that it was a Facebook message, rather than email, strictly speaking?</p>
<p>Re: Thinking too much about possibilities. I admit it. On a different thread, someone posted that prosecutors hated to have college profs on juries, because they thought of too many different possibilities. I think you have to give me credit for the originality of option b), though.</p>
<p>It’s much more likely that the poster is a kid trying to get parents up in arms about the possibility that their little angels would be exposed to pot and whatever else. That would be amusing to a certain age group. 14 year-olds, maybe?</p>
<p>“your D needs to stand up for herself, get assertive, and tell the roomie she can’t have or use it in the room and if the roomie refuses to comply then your D needs to see the RA right away and request another room. If another room isn’t available right away then she should at least insist on it being documented that she’s filed the complaint so she won’t be held accountable in the event of the illegal substances being found in the room.” </p>
<p>Agree.</p>
<p>Good friend’s DS’11 had a roomate light up a joint in the dorm room on the first day of the first semester freshman year. University disciplined BOTH students! The pothead roomate finally verified that the DS’11 had nothing to do with the pot in the room - two weeks later - and the DS’11 got his record cleared and got a room change - freakin’ nightare.</p>
<p>That rule drives me crazy. Two people sharing a room who may or may not know each other well – Roommate B might not even know that Roommate A has drugs stuffed in the back of his desk. If he knows, he can talk to the roommate and/or try to change rooms, but there’s no guarantee that either of those will work immediately. I have had a lot of roommates and there are two in particular where I am thinking that the conversation about not having drugs in the room would not go well. Not everyone is a reasonable person who respects their roommate’s wishes.</p>
<p>In the mean time, a room search could easily get both roommates in trouble.</p>