After reading several similar threads, I now appreciate my LAC experience a bit more.
make sure to take video on your phone next time you ask him to leave and he doesnt. Show that to the RD.
It sound very immature and unkind but can you make him/them as uncomfortable as possible so they will have their overnights elsewhere? I like the idea of flirting with him! LOL Can you just be really obnoxious when they are both there like turning on music, lights, talking on phone etc.? I like they idea of saying, “time for you to go. I’m changing my clothes now.” Do you have good enough friends on the floor to enlist their help? Maybe they have ideas or can help you get him out by making him unwelcome.
Your roommate is very inconsiderate and has to make a choice. Either stay in the room or go stay with the boyfriend somewhere else.
@lunamoon22 Text your roommate/him when you are returning so he can leave before you get there
It is not a two sides situation. Don’t let them trick you into thinking it is. If you and the roommate didn’t get along, that would be fine.
But your roommate is breaking rules and forcing another person on you. She is not allow to have someone else sleep over/live in your room without your consent. Stick to that issue. That he refuses to leave and she will not make him go. Forget the $75.The school can and will waive that for her if they wanted to. You don’t need to move. You are following the rules. Keep going up levels.
Am I the only one who thinks OP is being kind of a hard ass? OP, what are they even doing that bothers you? You even said yourself that you don’t feel unsafe and that you don’t even realize he’s there until the morning.
I agree with the above posters, and will add - document every interaction - write up how many times you’ve asked him to leave, etc. Then video tape them in same bed and yourself asking him to leave, and him/her refusing. Say he has far exceeded 3x/month AND you’ve NEVER agreed to his visits. Include in documentation that you have complained to RA and RD and they were totally unhelpful and refuse to follow university rules.
Then send this all to the highest person. The roomate should move since SHE is breaking the rules. You are in a triple many nights that you have not agreed to. You want a discount since your room is now a forced triple since RD won’t enforce rules.
Stand in doorway (with phone on video-record) and say, “Boyfriendname, you can leave now, as I need to change and study and I cannot concentrate with visitors in the room AND I feel unsafe with you there.”
Also have your parents call and be very firm about this being UNacceptable and they are paying for a shared room with another female, not for her boyfriend.
Ironic how the boy’s roomate(s) don’t want her over and that’s ok, so they infringe on the girls roomate. :-?
Start eating Durian in the room; that will ensure they both stay away!
Gather a friend or two from your hall and have them observe while you stand in doorway and ask him to leave.
Have a friend take the video. Witnesses are good for you. If RA/RD feel that the other girls in the hall agree, he/she will be more likely to back down off their pedestal of denial.
Also I agree with above poster that they can waive the $75 if they want to; also she is breaking rules, she needs to be fined…just like if she had a parking ticket. The $75 fee is not an excuse to do nothing; this should also be pointed out to the higest person (above RD/RA) that you are writing to. Is there a Dean of Students?
The way I read OP is that the roommate isn’t breaking any school rules. The “contract” is something OP came up with so the roommate wouldn’t have the boyfriend sleep over; it’s not a housing contract with the school. If so, there’s nothing for the RA to enforce and it’s up to the OP to move out if she doesn’t like the arrangement. Unless there is a specific college/university policy being violated, I think she’s out of luck.
The OP said this is the rule and that the boyfriend has exceeded the 3 overnights, plus she hasn’t agreed to that many.
Come on, it is just not right to wake up with overnight guests of either sex constantly in the room. My daughter’s roommate had D agree to NO male visitors at all. I thought it was too strict but D agreed to it.
Correct…both the school rule of 3x/month and the roomate contract were broken.
And, agree, common sense applies! Not cool to wake up with a stranger sleeping in your room!
You’d think schools would smarten up rather than wait until an adverse event occurs.
Burn some of those Yankee candles and play sesame street songs. No, actually I think going to the Dean of students is appropriate if the person above the RA cannot handle it. Find out what your rights are and who has to move. If you have to move, that’s probably fine. I’d do it soon as you want to meet people early in the year. Maybe you’ll luck out and someone in your dorm will leave after the first semester. This isn’t uncommon.
So much here is confusing.
“Apparently the RD says they can’t force her out of the room and I have the choice to leave.” I thought you weren’t trying to get her to move. Rather, to get the bf not sleeping over. And the bf to take your instructions to leave, when you say so, because that’s what “you” want.
You should explain here which “rules” are yours and which are the college’s. If you’re the one who came up with this 3 night thing and whatever else (that he has to leave if you come back and say so?,) it’s not going to work just because it’s what you want.
Plus, I don’t see where you get the authority to kick him before bedtime when “you” want. Do you never have friends in your room? Can your roommate tell them to leave?