So recently I have been at my dorms for 6 weeks. I’m the beginning my roommate was super friendly and nice until she started dating this guy. I didn’t mind because relationships are a part of college life so I let the hang out in the room once in a while. However, one day I woke up and I found them sleeping together in the same bed. This happened again a few days later so I established a contract for us of visiting hours and no sleepovers without both of our permissions. I thought this would be the end until I kept waking up and finding them in bed together. She also broke the rule of having past visiting hours. I confronted her about it and she didn’t understand why I was uncomfortable about this situation. I asked her I they can sleep at his apartment but they said that his roommate didn’t like them sleeping over. I told the RA about this and he warned her. She started to try to find loop holes in the contract as I would go to parties and she would have him over since I wasn’t in the room. After 4 non consensual sleepovers and 6 overtime stays along with three confrontations I requested a roommate change. Apparently the RD says they can’t force her out of the room and I have the choice to leave. I love my hall mates so I refused. Since we both don’t want to move and both disagree with each other’s points of views, what should I do. Should I try to find a way to move her out or should I let her stay knowing that she’ll probably break the rules after this 4th confrontation.
Well you can’t have your cake and eat it too. If the situation is intolerant to you, then you may be the one who has to move out.
She is being very inconsiderate. Dorm rooms are small and overnight guests of that nature are inappropriate. I agree with you that you shouldn’t move since you are happy on your floor. Stay strong. I don’t think you should back down but I also don’t have a solution. Maybe some of your peers will. Sometimes peers have ways of handling these things.
Does your school have rules about overnight guests? You should go to your residential life office and ask. Those people are your RA’s bosses, so you may want to let him or her know you intend to go ask so they’re not blindsided.
As a student, I would be making everyones life so miserable that the boyfriend would not want to come over, much less sleep over. Of course, I can’t suggest that. 
If you have a parent like me, get them involved. I would be pitching a holy fit to find out that my daughter was being forced to endure a male sleeping over in her dorm room. Unacceptable. I seriously doubt your dorm rules don’t require him to leave.
Agree - contact the residence office and whichever dean is responsible for housing.
Start flirting with her boyfriend ? Otherwise, move out as she is not likely to change.
The rules are that you can have a guest sleep over three times a month but it has to be both consensual to both roommates. The RAs and RD don’t really want anyone to move since it cost $75 for paper work and a lot of reporting. I told them I didn’t want to move because I love my hall and I’m really close to my hallmates unlike my roommate who constantly says she only has one friend at the school, her boyfriend. Her argument is that if I don’t like them being in the room, I should be the one to move out. She doesn’t even admit that she violates the contract and the rules. Since no one wants to move out I can either compromise again or take it to the next step to try to persuade the RD to stay in my room. It’s basically an argument to stay.
You can go directly to Residence Life at your school. Speak to an adult. You may have to involve your parents. You can also provide evidence of situation to them (dated pictures) and a copy of the roommate agreement and school policy. You should not be penalized for following the rules…therefore roommate should be the person to be relocated.
I agree, go over their heads.
Agree with the above two posts. Your roommate is directly breaking school rules, not just your agreement. I appreciate the RA’s position of having you try to work it out, but that failed, and again, SHE IS BREAKING SCHOOL RULES. What is the consequence for that? She’s already been given a warning…is the next step a fine? (Because maybe that’s enough, and then her parents would be involved). Keep pressing the RD and go above him/her if you need to.
Say: "Why do you accept that his roommate doesn’t want you sleeping over? I have the same issues. "
In the mean time, text your roommate as you are returning from any parties just in case.
If he is there, turn the lights on and then say “John, time to go.”
If he doesn’t leave, then call the RA every time.
@Lunamoon22 As @veryapparent @intparent and @TS0104 have indicated you should go to the Resident Director or Head of Residence life that lives onsite. They will be enforcing the rules for that building or residence. The RA seems to be stating the rules for when both parties are not getting along instead of the consequences when one roommate VIOLATES the housing rules. Most universities have policies against males in female sleeping rooms overnight. Some have certain amount of overnight guests but those are assuming that it is not bothering the other roommate. You are paying for a double and got essentially a triple with a male. If you can get your parents involved. Residence Life professionals must answer to them, the bill payer and often the parents will be able to articulate the situation better because they do not have emotions involved with the roommate. You must push on with it or you will have him there every night if she is able to get away consequence free
Call the RA every time he’s there when he shouldn’t be.
Do you feel unsafe?
@readthetealeaves Most universities don’t have rules specific to sleepovers of any gender. But they usually limit the number of nights per semester and usually require that the roommates agree.
Some schools e.g. Wheaton College, Augustana U, Wayne State, Whitworth, Snow, U So Carolina (in certain dorms), to name a few, have specific no opposite gender policies. But most schools have the “infringement” policy that does not allow the roommate’s guest to infringe on the room renters
@Conformist1688 I do feel safe but each time I come back after a long day, he will be in the room. Just like everyone, I hate enforcing the rules and telling him to leave multiple times when he clearly knows that it’s past visiting hours. Every time he responds he won’t do it again and the cycle repeats.
Without consequences, he will. Keep escalating and document the incidents and steps you’ve taken.
At my daughter’s school, if the roommates didn’t get along, both had to move. That way it really was a ‘last resort’ and both were inconvenienced.
Maybe another person on your floor wants to move over xmas break and you can just switch roommates. You may want to flip a coin to see who has to move.
Basically, my Roommate’s argument for not leaving is that if I don’t feel comfortable having him there then I should leave. She can’t pay the $75 because she doesn’t have the money even though she is attending UC College. She says that I am inconsiderate, don’t have any limitations from the contract and she is scared that I’m going to report her every time she comes into the room. I report her because SHES BREAKING THE RULES. Which she isn’t and has started to go into a tantrum stage because I’m not communicating with her. I talked to the RD about this situation and she told me not to get involved in persuading her to move out or bring up the situation. She does not understand that she is breaking the rules and the RD is telling me that one of us is going to have to move out. They are taking both sides as we are both staying at the dorms but I’m scared that they are going to side with her and I’m going to have to move and leave my friends in the hall and did nothing but follow the rules.
Right @Lunamoon22 , it’s really not your job to enforce the university’s rules. It is the school’s. You have gone above and beyond. Feel confident in reporting to RD and higher. I am hoping that there is a consequence in place that will make the roommate realize she has to stop