<p>Well, we thought roommate issues would be the least of the adjustment issues...DD and now-roommate matched on FB, hung out over the summer, agreed on ground rules and who was bringing what, etc. and seemed to get along fine - right up until they became roommates. After the usual adjustment issues, the latest is that roommate is now keeping pot in the room. </p>
<p>That, combined with roommate getting drunk most days, yelling and trying to get a rise out of DD, and backing off agreements they came to over the summer have made first semester a challenge. DD has managed thru the rants and yelling by just letting roomie run out of steam and is rolling w/the rest of it.</p>
<p>DD has discussed coping strategies with RA on the minor stuff, but she has a serious issue with pot being kept in the room. DD is afraid that if roommate gets busted - possibly from her other behavior, not just storing stuff in the room - DD will also get in trouble. DD is not one to make waves and is willing to tough out the year with this roommate, right up to the point where she could get in trouble for something that she is in no way involved. </p>
<p>Also, DD LIKES her floor mates, dorm proximity and amenities, and doesn't feel like she should be the one to move...since she's following the deals made over the summer before they became rommates.</p>
<p>So - if she reports, any insight into what she can expect next? We don't think roomie is vindictive, but DD did call last week concerned after another drunk roomie rant that she might "do something" to DD's stuff. DD doesn't overreact - for her to mention it was a big deal. DD has a difference circle of friends, active in extracurricular activities, and isn't concerned about losing who she thought would be the first of new friends at college.</p>
<p>I'm trying to give her space to resolve her own problems, but as she asks for guidance - thought I'd reach out to you guys.</p>
<p>My D reported her roommate to the RA for drugs in the room. An incident report was filed, the RA spoke with the roommate and decided to bring it up for disciplinary action. Based on the Code of Conduct Handbook rules, the roommate had a disciplinary hearing of her choice (either with school officials or a student group I think). Don’t know which group she chose but she was put on disciplinary probation and had to attend counseling and do some other relevant service stuff to stay at the uni. She was also on housing probation for a year and through discussion with the RD, she was moved to another room with another student who presumably did not have a problem with her. </p>
<p>No evidence other than my D’s words proved that there were drugs in the room. There was a search and nothing was found. The roommate denied it but the RA did not believe her. If drugs had been found I am not sure what they would have done. I suppose that the police could have been called and then there would have been other ramifications for the roommate. My D did not have to directly confront her roommate in the hearing but it did make for a very uncomfortable period between the accusation and the point where the roommate was relocated. Even the relocation was not far enough that my D did not see her almost daily afterwards in the building etc. </p>
<p>Before this, my D did tell her that she’d have to quit bringing stuff to the room or it would be reported. The roommate chose to disregard the repeated warnings.</p>
<p>Worse case scenario would be for roomie to plant the drugs in your daughter’s stuff. Yeah, your daughter might be able to convince them that it’s not hers . . . and given roommate’s behavior, it’s likely your daughter would be the more credible of the two. BUT, that doesn’t get her off the hook for not having reported it in the first place . . . so she could still end up in disciplinary proceedings, depending on the school’s policies.</p>
<p>mizzou2016, imagine your daughter were living with a boyfriend who treated her as her current roommate treats her. Would you be encouraging her to put up with substance abuse, verbal harassment, and threats to her belongings?</p>
<p>In my opinion, women in our society are expected not to make a fuss. There is a time, though, when we must take action in our own best interests. From your description, the roommate is unlikely to last long at college. It has to be at the least very distracting for your daughter, and no one should be required to put up with verbal abuse and threats.</p>
<p>There is an excellent video on you tube called “Don’t Talk to the Cops” by a law professor and a police officer. Don’t be put off by the title. It really demonstrates how easily you could be accused of someone else’s misdeeds despite your innocence and how to protect yourself to some extent by knowing your rights. It uses as examples (among others) that someone riding in your car is carrying drugs in their backpack (unknown to you) and being at a party where underage drinking/drugs is taking place (you could be the one having the party and be unaware).
I know this doesn’t necessarily pertain to your D’s situation but she is correct in being concerned. Anyway, great video (I first learned of it here on CC) that everyone should watch.</p>
<p>I’m sending you a PM because I can give you some details about the school your D attends. They take a very hard line on drugs in rooms. I think your D should take action. Here’s a good link: [Office</a> of Student Conduct|](<a href=“http://conduct.missouri.edu/]Office”>http://conduct.missouri.edu/)</p>
<p>Bottom line: Your D is at risk here because the roommate is putting her at risk on two levels–verbal abuse, including threats, and possession. She should talk to her RA immediately about both of these concerns. I would be surprised if your D is the one who has to move.</p>
<p>It’s important that your D create a trail of documentation because when the roommate is caught (as she most likely will be), your D will not want to be sucked into the mess. Reporting it to the RA is a good first step. It will be awkward and unpleasant, but unfortunately your D must protect herself. From your account, it doesn’t sound like the roommate is open to reason.</p>
<p>In addition to the above advice, if your D can manage to find someone else willing to swap roommates, and all involved concur, and if the new roommate would be a better fit, then she can try arranging that. It seems that housing is usually much more amenable to these kinds of swaps as opposed to one roomie or the other being forced out.</p>
<p>One way or the other, and right away, your D needs to make sure the illegal substance situation is taken care of before she gets in trouble herself.</p>
<p>Having pot in a dorm room is VERY common - especially on certain campuses. </p>
<p>If that was the only issue, I wouldn’t do anything about it. However, it sounds like there are several other issues at play so action does need to take place. Probably first of which would be trying to get the girl to change rooms to elsewhere - due to her behavior - it actually sounds like she may want a different roommate anyways.</p>
<p>In my son’s freshman year a roommate was expelled for drugs in the dorm room. The problem was the boy tied up their bathroom every day plus he had pothead friends coming over constantly. The roommates had to report him otherwise they were in violation of their Honor Code, and one was a varsity athlete.</p>
<p>Excellent advice! Suggest that your daughter keep a diary, and make a note in it (on a daily basis) of what did or didn’t happen with the roommate that day.</p>