<p>In short, my roommate:
Takes over neutral spaces and "my space"
Comes in extremely late (4am weekends, 1-2am weekdays) stoned
Is very loud when coming in, while I am sleeping. I can not reason b/c she is high
She constantly leaves the door open when I am sleeping. She has very early classes (8 am), wakes up at 7am and plays music, talks on phone or has people in the room
She apologizes and then continues this behavior
Her clothes smell of weed
We have opposite personalitier(she's VERY loud, a dork-ish extrovert)</p>
<p>I do go out weekend nights but before she gets back so my lifestyle doesn't effect her, she either comes in around 4 or 5 or doesn't come back at all.</p>
<p>I do not have a problem with her smoking weed, as it was the norm in my hs, but she is extremely abnoxious about it- comes in very late and proceeds to eat, leaves light on and door open while I am sleeping- and does so on a regular basis(weekdays and weekends). She therefore stays up late to do her hw, refusing to go to the study room which is next door. College is the first time she has smokes, so she is basically obsessed with it now.</p>
<p>Is there any chance of working these issues? I really don't want to move, as I will have to leave my current dorm(we only have 1 floor of girls, about 20 rooms). I really hate confrontation so it makes this a bit awkward, I've tried to make it work (we lived together since 8/23) .</p>
<p>If you have all ready discussed the situation with her directly and she still isn't willing to compromise, it may be time for you to email your RA and ask for a meeting between the 3 of you. The RA will act as the mediator and the two of you can set up a roommate contract--basically, it puts down in writing the compromises that both of you are willing to make.</p>
<p>But calling the RA might bring to attention her roomate's use of pot, which could get her busted, then she'd have a real *<strong><em>ed off roomate. I mean personally I would do it if she got me mad enough but there are some who just don't want to *</em></strong> anyone off... no offense just noting that you said you don't like confrontation.</p>
<p>Too bad for the pot smoking roommate then. Truth is, the RA can't write up the girl for smoking pot unless he catches her smoking it or notices it in her possession.</p>
<p>You don't even have to mention the pot smoking because there are plenty of other issues to address. The late nights during the week, the lack of respect, loud noise when trying to sleep, and leaving the door open when she's sleeping ( a safety and privacy issue). These issues alone are enough to bring to the RA's attention.</p>
<p>Sleepyman-
Exactly my thoughts on the weed issue, seems like I would be "telling" on her. The only counterpoint she has is I drink, but, again, I always come back before her.</p>
<p>I would talk to the RA and ask for help in negotiating a solution that works for you both.</p>
<p>I think that it is reasonable to expect you to learn to cope with some of this. For instance, it might be reasonable of her to study at night after you've gone to bed, as long as she does it quietly and with just a desk lamp. It's reasonable for her to go to bed after you do and get up before you do as long as she's as quiet as she can be and doesn't have other people in the room. (I don't see anything in your post that suggests you aren't willing to make these sorts of compromises -- in fact, you seem very willing to work with her.) So I would definitely approach this with the RA as something you need help negotiating with her, not a set of restriction s you want placed on her. And I would focus on the specific behaviors that affect you, like being loud and leaving the door open, rather than on the drug use. I wouldn't bring up the drug use with the RA -- but if her behavior is so indiscreet that just alerting the RA that you aren't able to get a full night's sleep without repeated interruptions brings her drug use to the RA's attention that's her problem.</p>
<p>My first roommate was very social. In many ways, some of which did not affect me. I just kept my head down and lived with what did affect me. I learned to go back to sleep after being awakened, which is a useful skill. Today I would probably urge my former self to go to the RA (particularly about my roommate's having sex with overnight visitors), but at the time it really never occurred to me. If your roommate is anything like mine was, it is possible that you'll get a new roommate in January without doing anything. But you can't count on it, so if you can't or don't want to adapt to the roommate you have now, I would definitely go to the RA for help negotiating a compromise -- and then for help enforcing that compromise later on.</p>
<p>Ask the RA for a roommate switch. They'll usually comply because they know that for you to ask for a switch means there is a more serious conflict on the way and they don't want to risk anything serious happening.</p>
<p>Did you actually talk to the roomate first? Talking to her nicely about it first might work. Going straight to the RA without discussing the problem with the roomate first isn't really fair if she doesn't know it's a big issue.
One of my ex-friends is very self-righteous, picks out lil things about other people...I'm not at all accusing u of being like that, but to make sure, it's important to bring up the problem in a polite, nonaccusatory way. To avoid hurt feelings and drama.
But otherwise...what they said
GOOD LUCK</p>
<p>At least at Case, if you talk to the head of your residential college (presuming you're a freshmen), they will sometimes take action without forcing you to confront your roommate. I know a girl who did that in the second semester of last year. Of course, you'd be the once moving in that scenario. So to avoid the heartache, you may just want to try talking to your roomie, perhaps with the floor RA involved if you are so inclined.</p>
<p>Update:
When we first talked about ground rules, my roommate stated that one of her big pet peeves was vomitting in the room.
Last night she came in at 4am drunk, and then threw up in the room multiple times(I have come in drunk before, but not to the point of throwing up).</p>
<p>I wouldn't have thought to mention "throwing up in the room" as a pet peeve, but I wouldn't like it. And I'd do my best to be gracious to someone who threw up in the room at 4 am because of something she couldn't control. But I think that in your position I would have left the room ASAP and spent the next few hours really ****ed off.</p>
<p>If you haven't talked to the RA yet, I would do so now. And I would mention the throwing up. I grew up with an alcoholic parent, and when someone is both drunk and vomiting I worry about aspirating. I realize that if I were your age I would probably be a lot more worried about getting someone in trouble than I am now, but wholly aside from wanting to retaliate I would want someone to address the safety issue -- and if I weren't her friend or relative it wouldn't be my job, but it would be the RA's.</p>
<p>Good luck. I don't envy your position at all.</p>
<p>I don't really have sympathy for people who drink to the point of throwing up; they should have thought about it before drinking more than they could handle.</p>
<p>You need to confront your roommate, and be firm and clear. She sounds like an ass. If it still doesn't work out after that, go to the RA/CA and consider a room switch.</p>