So originally in the summer, my really close friend and i were paired together on my school’s housing assignments even though we decided to do random on the housing application. The first month was really fun and i absolutely loved it. Now things are different she is hanging out with people she met in her major and i feel as if she has gotten bored with me. I feel like she only used me as a crutch when she was still trying to meet new people and now that she has i feel as if i am left behind and abandoned. I have met some nice people in my classes but that’s mainly when i talk to them and i don’t really see them out and around campus. And I know all of the articles on how to make friends in college say to join clubs and keep your door open in your dorm but the clubs at my suck, like they are not many clubs for people to join and nobody starts any clubs. All the girls on my wing of the dorm either already have their cliques and friend groups or are not interested in meeting new people. Most of the time i study and eat all three meals alone. If there’s any bright side to this situation, my older sister does go to the same college as i do and my parents forty minutes away from my school.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if i should just give her the cold shoulder the rest of the year or like pretend it doesn’t hurt me when she hangs out with other people over me when i’ve known her for almost 8 years?
This is a common thing. Friends for years go to college and meet other people once they room with new people and have different majors. It is tough on the receiving end of it. Instead of trying to do clubs, think of a way you can volunteer your time doing something meaningful and meet others with that same interest e.g. habitat for humanity, meals on wheels, read to elementary kids or children in the hospital, soup kitchen…the possibilities are endless. Also, try to get to know your roommate better, find people in your major, etc Notice others sitting alone in your dorm cafeteria and outside of food time approach them and ask them to coffee or ice cream and see if you click. Then agree to meet at dinner, breakfast etc the next day soon it may become a habit. Get an on campus job or join a sorority. Ask your sister how to deal with the situation too or meet her friends or both. I wouldn’t give her the cold shoulder to get back at her that is very immature as is what she is doing. The old saying “make new friends but keep the old…” is a good one. You can be acquaintance friends with your former really close friend and get to know others more deeply. HTH
OP wrote: " I feel like she was only used me as a crutch when she was still trying to meet new people…"
Seems as though you are & were using her as a crutch to avoid growing & meeting new people.
Your friend is doing what she should be doing in college: meeting people and expanding her horizons. Why haven’t you done the same? College isn’t high school. It’s your job to be proactive and seek new opportunities and new people. Your roommate isn’t responsible for your happiness and social life. Get a campus job, volunteer, become active with the religious groups on campus, join or form a study group. Say hi to someone and ask them to get coffee.
I suspect you thought that you and your roommate would just carry on exactly like you did in high school. Your roommate clearly had other ideas. Be glad your roommate is meeting new people. That’s a positive thing. You are feeling sorry for yourself and you don’t need to. There’s a lot you can do. Start now.
^^^Exactly!!
Don’t be petty. It is not a good look. You can be friends with your roommate and accept that you will not be joined at the hip for the rest of your lives. That is not a problem and you can still be close. She is not doing anything wrong or mistreating you. (Don’t let loneliness lie to you.) . You can keep her and gather more friends, too. No bridges need to be burned.
Hi azxc, sorry to hear that this is a lonely time for you.
No, don’t give her the cold shoulder. That’s passive aggressive and you will only feel worse. Maybe you are an introvert or very shy. It can be tough to step out of your comfort zone n be social if that’s the case. Tough but not impossible. Is there a common area that you can hang out in? Be careful to not isolate in your room. Good luck.
I would treat her the same as a random roommate you were assigned that doesn’t have much in common with you.
Start looking elsewhere for friends.
here are tips on making friends:
Maybe ask the people in your classes to form a study group or get together for homework.