I am a second semester freshman at a small Catholic college. I have a group of friends who I eat with, party with, and hang out with. However, I don’t have any close friends at school, except for one, and have felt lonely and sad since the beginning of the year. I don’t feel exactly connected to this group of friends. They are some girls who I would want to be closer with but they seem to already have their own friend groups already or I don’t see often enough. I have tried to join clubs, but the school is too small. I have this one close friend, but we have fallen off many times because she will ignore me because of her own personal issues, leading me to become even more lonelier. I have become more shy since going to college, and I feel like it is because of depression. Does anyone else feel like this? Will it get better? I was planning on transferring next spring, but I want to make the best of the rest of this semester and the next, but I’m not sure how!
I’m sorry you are feeling down. I bet you are not the only one. Sometimes sophomore year can bring a fresh start. You will have the opportunity to meet new people on your hall, as I assume your housing will change. New classes will also bring new opportunities for social interactions. And use the summer to keep in touch with the girls you like, so when you go back in the fall those relationships will have been sustained.
It probably will get better. It can be hard making friends when you start at school and can take some time. It is particularly likely to take time for quiet, shy, thoughtful people.
"Does anyone else feel like this? "
Yes. This is common. It seems to me that this might be particularly common among very smart students.
“Will it get better?”
Probably. However, it might take some effort. Getting out and doing things will help. Does your school have an outing club, or some sort of outdoors activity club? Getting out in the sun can be helpful. Inter-mural sports can also be helpful for people who have any inclination at all in this direction.
Joining clubs can be a good way to meet people that you have something in common with. If you want to join a particular club but it doesn’t exist, you might be able to start one (although this takes a lot more work).
“I have become more shy since going to college, and I feel like it is because of depression.”
Yes. Not talking to people much can make people shy. Being shy can make people not talk to others much. Depression can contribute to this, and this can contribute to depression.
You might be suffering from some amount of depression. You should see a professional counselor for this, and see if some sort of treatment is appropriate. Treatment can range from “get out in the sunshine” to “join clubs” to counseling to medications. Depression is very common. There are a LOT of people in the US who take some form of medication for depression, and most are helped significantly. It can however take rather a while to get the treatment right.
It is not obvious to me whether transferring will help or hurt or make no difference. Probably others can give input on this.
Hi Rosey. I’m sorry you are having a tough time finding true friends at your college. I think your experience is not uncommon. I’m also sure it was hard to leave your high school friends who have probably been your friends for many years, so that makes your loneliness now that much more acute.
One of my children had a situation similar to yours and was terribly lonely until she decided that she had enough, and then she went on this crusade to make friends. Even though she was shy, she forced herself to talk to kids that she didn’t otherwise interact with that much. She started a study group for her hardest class, and nurtured a couple of friendships from that. She also made herself invite some of the kids she ate lunch with to movies or concerts or lectures. She felt really awkward at first, but she had such positive responses that it became a lot easier with time. For her, she found that you have to have multiple one on one experiences with the same kids before any real friendships developed. Since you are at a Catholic school, how about joining some group community service project? Those kinds of shared experiences tend to be fertile grounds for making friends. You also mentioned that most kids seem as if they’ve already made their friend group and don’t have room for others. I think there may be a little bit of a phenomenon going on that’s similar to the game of musical chairs. When everyone first came to school, they quickly made friends with other kids because they didn’t want to be the odd man out. From an outsider’s perspective it looks like the groups have been formed and there is no room. At least that’s what it felt like to my daughter. But once she became so proactive about trying to make good friends, she experienced that the kids were happy to become her friend too, especially as some of those kids realized that they had more in common with my daughter than the other kids they made friends with so quickly freshman year. Sorry if my comments are too stream of consciousness…it’s way past my bedtime, but I wanted to send some thoughts to you as well as good wishes. Best of luck to you!
Sorry to hear that you are going from sad times. I would suggest you to have patience because in the starting we don’t have much friends but after some times you will be friendly.
You need to see the counselor at school. It might not be too busy at this time of year. Go asap. I suspect you are depressed. It isn’t right to still be feeling this way.
College can be so hard at times. I have my sad moments too. Was just crying a few minutes ago honestly. Mostly from missing home and family. I have a great roommate. We have become best friends, and I have a gf here at college too. But they are it really. No one else seems to care or know I am alive. I’m okay with that as long as I have them. The hard part for me and the part I get sad about and am currently crying (again) about is missing home. Hangin there. It will be okay.