SAP Appeal Letter, is it good? too much detail? not enough? not convincing?? PLEASE HELP

I recently just got an email from my university that i needed to write a appeal to continue using financial aid. This is my first time doing this yet alone my first year at college. Can someone give some feedback on my letter please? I got the email Friday on the 19th but i plan to turn this in on Monday even though it is not due until July 18th. Thank you! And if anyone has ever had to do this please tell me how the process goes and how it turned out for you! Thanks again!

My name is and I am a first year student at . First and foremost I would like to thank the Financial Aid Board for presenting the opportunity to explain my wrongdoings. Throughout, my first year at Metro I as well as my family have faced many trials and obstacle considering the fact that this is our first year in Colorado. Moving from Houston to Denver is a significant change financially and mentally. Furthermore, the one person who one held us together throughout this move has now passed away. My grandpa was not only the glue that held my family together, he was and still is my motivation, encouragement, and sole purpose of continuing my journey through a successful life.

My grandpa has always been a strong individual, so strong that no one could see nor predict that he was as sick as he was. On October 23, 2016, my grandpa was admitted to the ER where he passed away. To know that I was not there to spend the last moments with him, yet alone hold his hand while he took his last breaths took a great toll on me. He would never have let me go through anything alone, and I couldn’t do the same in return. I started blaming myself as well as my mother for moving us to Colorado. His condition had been going on for 1 year and I thought that if I had been in Houston he would’ve told me and I could’ve gotten him the help he needed. I stopped going to class for a few weeks and I felt as if there was no purpose of me continuing my education. During my absence I began to get overwhelmed making sure everyone else was OK instead of focusing on myself first. I got a job to help my mother, grandmother, and aunt. Taking care of 4 grownups plus my child led me to request more shifts resulting in missing more classes throughout the fall 2016 semester. Although I managed to pass most of my classes my gpa was not where I intended it to be. Spring of 2017 I opted my availability to fit my school schedule. I started off well ,but on April of 2017 my grandmother received an eviction notice forcing her out of her home. She turned to my mother and I for help. This resulted in me picking up more shifts once again to help out, and affected my grades tremendously. I thought that self-teaching myself the curriculum and showing up to take the exams only would be enough but in the end it was not. I accept full responsibility for my actions and can assure you all this will not happen while I continue my education at Metro.

The death of my beloved grandpa left behind so much sorrow that has now turned into much more than that. I have started taking my education more seriously with the fact that without a degree I cannot get anywhere far in this state. My family is now more stable than we were a year ago leaving me to focus less on everyone else’s needs and more on my needs of education. My grandmother has moved into a senior affordable living community, my mother has found a well-paying job, and I now work at the Tivoli Station as a book floor employee where I know they will work my schedule.

Even though my family’s financial needs are stable, continuing my education without financial aid would be impossible for me to do. I know that I have abused the opportunity but I can assure you all I have learned my lesson. I have planned to start taking advantage of the resources that Metro has given to the students. For Summer 2017, I plan to meet with my adviser at least once a month to make sure I am on the right track, further more I will set up a tutoring session for my College Algebra class just to get more help outside of my peer study class.

I want to thank you all again for giving me the opportunity to appeal for my financial aid. My grandfather encouraged me to pursue my major in, and I know with this second chance that you all are giving me, I can finally make him proud again.

I don’t quite follow. Is this a merit schoalrship that you are in danger of losing? Or are you saying they are literally going to yank your financial aid?

They’re taking my financial aid.

I am sorry about your situation, but understand that many college students have similar situations and are not getting their financial aid taken away. This letter is toooo long.

  1. I screwed up and I regret it. These were the reasons why. (keep it short)
  2. This is how I am going to keep my grades high. List specific ways you will do this. (Professor office hours, tutoring center, attending evey class, reducing work hours, meeting with academic advisors, going to counseling, etc...)
  3. It is okay to briefly explain why things are more stable now in terms of your family life.
  4. If you need the money, don't tell them your family fianances are stable. Make it clear that without aid, you cannot afford school.
  5. Ask them to reconsider and thank them for their time. If you have a prof you liked and whose class you did well in, see if you can get a letter from the prof to hand in also.
  6. Leave all the tears and emotion out, because this reads more like a diary entry than a plea for financial aid. It's fine to say your grandfather died and it wreaked havoc on your emotions, but you focus on it far too much in this letter.

These letters need to be short and to the point. The college needs to be convinced that you can perform as expected and that it won’t happen again. You need to stay focussed. Your goal is to keep your financial aid, and they need justification to do so. As it is, the letter makes me think you are still a bit of a wreck, to be honest. You might benefit from going to counseling. Good luck.

Thank you, this was very helpful!

Linda had great advice. My advice is no more than 2 sentences about the grandpa, the stuff about moving isn’t needed and the grandma’s eviction doesn’t add anything. Returning to the grandpa at the end of the letter is something that works for a school essay but isn’t useful for professional correspondence.

Your specific academic problem should be mentioned (below 2.0 GPA or failure to complete enough credits) and be specific about your plan to meet with an academic advisor to determine your next steps.