SAT Essay Grade Please

This is for the current SAT, can someone please give me a grade? I wrote this in 28 minutes.

Prompt May 2007: Does the truth change depending on how people look at things? May 2007

                                                                     A New Outlook of a New World

    Albert Einstein once said, “A genius thinks outside of the box.” This implies that there are endless possibilities and outlooks to one situation, even though people often go about life having a very fixed outlook on life. In reality, the truth changes depending on how people look at things. This is illustrated by Michelangelo, the Civil Rights Movement, and Schindler’s List. 

A compelling example demonstrating how the truth changes depending on one’s viewpoint is illustrated by the great Michelangelo from the Renaissance period. Michelangelo, a modest man from Florence, was an assiduous, revered sculptor who had many rivals such as Bramante, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Rafael. The frescoing of the Sistine Chapel ceiling was assigned to him to fresco, even though he was an inexperienced painter, let alone frescoist. The public had a very fixed mindset, truth, about him: he was not going to be able to complete this arduous task and would make a fool of himself; he was not good enough. However, Michelangelo looked at this from a new perspective: it was a challenge that with enough practice, dedication and time, he would be able to complete. Faced with the public’s criticism, Michelangelo started sketching out drafts of the Seven Days of Creation and meticulously selected an elite group of artists. Eventually, after four years of consistent struggle and bending back on a scaffold, he finished the great chapel ceiling and surprised everyone who thought he would not be able to do it. The truth changed depending on how he took on this monumental challenge because he was motivated by the challenge. He disregarded what people thought he could not accomplish and charged forward with innovation and ambition, creating one of the greatest works the world has yet seen. Michelangelo shows how looking at things from a new way changes the truth. 

Another prime illustration of how the truth can be changed depending on one’s perspective is demonstrated by the Civil Rights Movement. In 1959, Rosa Parks, a political advocate was fed up with the racial segregation that was thought to be a permanent struggle for the African Americans on America, refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man. She was not physically tired, but mentally tired with the inequalities that have seemingly permanently set in on African American lives. However, Parks believed that change was feasible. Her initiative to rebel started the Civil Rights Movement, influencing Martin Luther King to lead peaceful protests, including the delivery of his infamous “I Have a Dream” speech, and to change the minds of millions across the nation. The truth was changed: in 1964, the supreme court ruled the resolution that everyone must be treated equally and segregation was illegal. Parks and King had a different perspective on this historical challenge: they believed that there was hope, that freedom was truly attainable and people were not forever stuck in a state of inequalities. The Civil Rights Movement demonstrates how new perspectives can change the truth and make history.

A final paragon on the influence of one’s outlook on the truth is illustrated by Schindler’s List. During the Holocaust, the devastating truth to the Jews were how cruel all Germans were. Though this was undeniably true, Oskar Schindler, a businessman during the Holocaust, developed a new perspective on the treatment of Jews, changing the seemingly unchangeable. He realized how inhumane the Germans were, how they persecuted millions of innocent people and initiated a genocide. Schindler later helped thousands of Jews out of this predicament by convincing the Nazi party that they were crucial to the market economy of Germany. Oskar’s great, heroic acts changed the truth that all Germans were cruel. The Jews were infinitely grateful to him because he saved their lives. Oskar was a human being who believed that it was not right to exploit other human beings and persecute them. He has demonstrated how a new perspective and outlook can change the hard truth. 

Demonstrated by Michelangelo, the Civil Rights Movement, and Schindler’s List, the truth can indeed be changed by how one looks at things. It is critical that one learns from these examples and realizes that perspective influences one’s actions, thus changing the seemingly unchangeable truth. Just like Sigmund Freud once proclaimed, “Perspective is what shapes one’s destiny.”

I’m going to start this of by saying I’m new to this essay review, I received two 5’s o my last essay and figure the best way to get better is to judge for others so here it goes.

I would give you a high 4 low 5, I think that this is a good essay, your have decent examples, decent variety and excellent use of grammar and language. I think however you could stand to replace your Schindler’s list with an example from your life, a literary example, or a modern day example. As well as expand the second two on this essay. Your Michelangelo example was excellent, provided a brief history and an in dept explanation of the two different views that went with the example. However your other two felt like a bit of a history lecture with with a sentence throw in to relate the examples back to the prompt. Your conclusion is decent, the opening sentence is strong and the quote to close is excellent, but the middle feels a little fluffy, but that could just be me reading in to far to a 25 minute essay.

All in all this is an excellent start to build from and I hope you do well on your SAT, and I hope I have provided a good explanation for you to work of off.

@emans4seam Hey, thank you so much! Yeah, I elaborated a lot for the Michelangelo paragraph mainly because I wasn’t crunching for time.

How much do people actually write for the SAT? I know there is limited space and time, so if I were to write something like two solid paragraphs like the Michelangelo one, do you think it would be able to get a 6?

Also, is the organization in the paragraphs easy to follow? I have read some other students’ works and I often just can’t follow their examples because they’re not describing nor catching my attention with the main point.

Again, thank you so much!

@califunfun Most 6 essays take up the two pages provided. Typically with the following format:
first paragraph: intro, thesis,
Second/Third/Fourth: typically reference history, literature, and modern day/personal experience. Short explanation of the history and a well thought elaboration of how this relates to the topic.
Fifth: Conclusion, tying each example together.

While you don’t have to follow this format, at least three example are suggested and they say length doesn’t matter but I haven’t seen an example less than a page and a half. Don’t feel pressed to make that length however, If you feel you have made a good example with less, than go back, check syntax, diction, punctuation. Make sure everything fits together and flows well.

As well, I think you had a good organization to your essay. If you follow the above way to write make sure your strongest example is last, second best first, and the one you feel wary about goes in the middle. The readers won’t feel you went out in a blaze on the first one, they will feel you built strength as you went.

I’m glad I could share with you what I know and If you need I’m on about everyday, just contact me and defiantly share how you do!

@emans4seam Hey! What I meant by length is that there definitely won’t be room (2 pages is not enough) to write 5 elaborated paragraphs. I don’t write big nor messily. How do people deal with that? Do they just like put two lines onto one? Or should I just write legibly tiny?

@califunfun, you have to learn to write small, yet legibly, you can print out the SAT essay papers to practice on if you like. However you should also practice writing small and legibly on college ruled paper if you can. That’s about the size I am comfortable writing with and I was able to write a well elaborated 5 paragraph essay in the provided space. It will feel weird to write that way so that’s why I suggest using the SAT essay space papers to get comfortable.