SAT Essay Grade Request

<p>I just took the practice SAT on the college board and i know the automatic grading computer isn't the best. I just wanted a real life grade estimate. Thanks!</p>

<p>Prompt:
Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.
Adapted from J. David Velleman, "The Genesis of Shame"</p>

<p>Assignment:
Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
Modern day culture begs the expression of every one inclination and impulse from another person. In such an age, it is imperative that people make more of an effort to keep some things private. Without respect for privacy, and waxing inclination towards self expression, one becomes very hung up on social image. As this does not constitute ideal self respect, privacy become necessary even more. In fact, the importance of privacy can be seen in literature and political scenes.
Recently, Edward Snowden took over media headlines as the man behind the leakage of classified USA government information. The agency he unmasked was the National Security Agency (NSA), which records phone conversations of all residents of the USA. Although the controversy focused on Constitutional rights, it also led to a deeper question: were the people of the United States alright with having private information monitored by the government? This has led many to realize that mindless revealing of information to others may not be as wise as they once thought, and has sparked an era of privacy concern.
Another example of the importance of privacy can be seen in J.D. Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye". The main character in the novel, Holden Caulfield, portrays a very mysterious young man, who keeps mostly to himself. He is perhaps the opposite of the description given by Velleman in his "The Genesis of Shame", as he does not believe in expressing himself at all. From the reader's perspective, one can see that Holden despises almost every character he encounters, yet the character is left with a feeling of welcome as Holden does not allow his thoughts to reach his lips. Thus, he is able to keep a private image of the world around him, maintaining a positive image in society as well.
Perhaps the most important reason people must make more of an effort to keep some things private is to save themselves from the clutching claws of crime. Now, more than ever, men and women are putting sensitive information on the internet, allowing complete strangers into their property, and revealing themselves oblivious to potential listeners. This leads to crimes such as identity theft, robbery, and even homicide. An example of this can be seen in my personal life. My aunt, an avid magazine reader, subscribed to a "shady" magazine she had never heard of online, and in doing so input her address, credit card number, and other crucial information. By the next morning, her credit card had been maxed out, and she was on the phone with law enforcement, attempting to undo her mistake.
In modern culture, people simply do not value privacy enough, and steer themselves onto the self expressing bandwagon. A change must be brought about soon, as it is starting to have a negative effect on the lives of society as a whole; whether it be through an increase in criminal activity, or unnerving social behaviors. Privacy must be given importance where importance is due, as in the case of sensitive, personal information.</p>

<p>I feel like your last example was straying a bit too far from the original question. I don’t think it was asking about privacy of personal information for safety reasons, but of privacy of impolite thoughts. That being said, I like your Catcher in the Rye example the most as I think it pertains most the question asked.
Your first example is a bit far fetched too. It might be just me, but I think it doesn’t show that great of an understanding of the question; I don’t know if leaking government information is the best thing to discuss on the SAT essay either.
It feels like you’re taking the prompt way too far in general; I’d stick to the basic human to human confrontations-maybe even describe a time you lost a friend because you told them things that were true but hurt them (make it up:)).
But yeah, I would give this an 8, just because your language is exceptional and your grammar/control is pretty good. Just try to pick more relevant examples.</p>

<p>Thank you for the feedback, that helps me a lot! I understand what you mean, and it seems so much more obvious now that I look back on it. The feedback will definitely help me construct a better essay for my next prompt :)</p>

<p>I would say a 8-9. Your style is good, with variety to keep the reader engaged, but the examples aren’t too relevant to the prompt. Maybe twist them a bit to drive them in the right direction, or just fabricate another example altogether that will fit the prompt better.</p>

<p>Without counting, it looks to me like you’ve written about 500 words.</p>

<p>You could have written 350 (maybe even fewer) without sacrificing even one iota of content.</p>

<p>If the big goal around here is 500 words, they’d better be 500 different words.</p>