Hi, I’m practicing for the January 2016 SAT. I’ve started to practice an essay a day, and I would like anyone’s opinion on it. What would you give this essay (1-6), and what can I do to write more clearly and concisely?
Thank you!
Prompt:
Does having too much information about public figures distract us from the important issues?
Essay:
In South Korea, many news and media outlets practice the freedom of speech. Thus, there always exists an overflow of information about public figures. While some people might condemn the information as distractions from the important issues, actually, the information brigs the community closer to the truth bout the most essential problems of society today. For instance, take this case of how more information led to a better understanding of the really important issues:
On November 14th, 2015, anti-government protests broke out as almost 100,000 protestors in Seoul marched towards City Hall—the heart of the metropolis. The event became covered on hundreds of news outlets—including foreign ones—firstly because of its massive scale. The protests had been the first time over 50 activist groups united to rally, and it had been the longest in seven years. Then as the protests lasted towards the evening (more than 12 hours total), news stations scrambled to cover its controversiality. An unarmed farmer, a labor union activist, had been knocked unconscious by the police's water cannons, which were laced with capsaicin. Then there came larger issues, including the legality of the protest restrictions and over police brutality. The protestors had illegally stepped into a protest-free diplomatic zone, and the police had reacted rather severely.
The craze worsened as a foreign media outlet published an article that clearly articulated how the South Korean president Park had compared the protestors—who had worn masks because of the tear gas—to ISIS terrorists. Millions of citizens were outraged, and more than a few commented sarcastically about how the president was luxuriously banqueting in Turkey while her people were being sot down by water cannons and tear gas. Then another Korean news outlet published that the leader of the large labor union, Mr. Han, had announced for a second riot on December 5th. Because many reporters were tracking the actions and words of the public figures, the rest of the Korean community was able to formulate opinions about the biggest issue of the winter. And whether opinions were passionate, sarcastic, or government-favoring, all the extra information allowed citizens to hone in and focus on the important issues.
At times, it might sometimes seem like the television or internet provides information that is essentially useless and distracting from the crucial events of society or state. However, in most cases, both the educated and under-educated need information from the news or media because of the decrease in transparency in communities today. Especially in terms of government plans and actions, there should be no secrecy, because they directly affect the lives of the huge majority.
Please read carefully and give me honest and constructive opinion!
Thanks again.