SAT Essay Score

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1

<p>May somebody please grade my practice SAT essay? I've included the prompt and my response below. It is Sample Essay 1 from the official College Board SAT Study Guide. It would also be helpful if you could provide feedback on what I need to improve on.</p>

<p>Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>It is often considered taboo in modern society to question the beliefs of leaders. However, blindly accepting these views can lead to irresponsible and foolish actions that can cause the formation of institutionalized immoral practices that will be incredibly difficult to eradicate. People become leaders due to charismatic personality traits, not always due to intelligence, and for moral soundness and safety, it is important to question people in authority.
Leaders may not always be the most knowledgeable figures in a particular area or may be influenced by external forces, so those below them need to speak up when leaders are out of line. For example, in 2012, many government leaders in the United States tried to secure the passage of the SOPA bill, which would substantially restrict the liberties of many American citizens. However many people realized what was going on and used the power of the internet and social media to inform fellow citizens; eventually, public opinion was so strongly against SOPA that Congress defeated it. This stands in stark contrast to instances where people simply stood by and blindly accepted decisions, which has lead to the formation of blatant infringements on rights such as the "peculiar institution" of slavery. Philosopher John Locke was surely correct in his social contract theory, where he stated that for a government to be effective, citizens need to give consent. Simply agreeing without knowing could have potentially disastrous consequences.
Additionally, leaders may sometimes be unaware of other circumstances and it would be irresponsible for those below to not speak up. In his nonfiction book "Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell discusses the reason why some airlines have disproportionately large amounts of crashes. What is interesting is that the largest factor was whether staff was trained to speak up in potentially dangerous situations. Often they carried a different perspective that could save the plane and passengers. If somebody possesses information that could help save others but do not use it, they are just as responsible for any negative results as those in charge.
Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. By offering a unique idea on the issue at hand, those not in charge can improve a situation by making it safer or more moral.</p>

2

<p>I’d give it a 12/12. The lowest I can honestly see it being given is ~10 but only if it didn’t completely fill the 2 pages (I can’t really judge how much this would be handwritten). I like that this included a mixture of current events, historical/philospohical perspective, and lit; the graders tend to like that. (:</p>

3

<p>“For example, in 2012, many government leaders in the United States tried to secure the passage of the SOPA bill, which would substantially restrict the liberties of many American citizens.”</p>

<p>This sentence is too general. It’s quite possible that a reader will not know what the SOPA bill is. Nor will they know what liberties will be restricted. The fact that you know what you’re talking about does not guarantee that your audience will know what you’re talking about. You should always ask yourself what would a reasonable person need to know in order to understand what I am trying to say and you should include that in your essay. (I know that you may be astounded that people would not know what the SOPA bill was. Trying to guess what your audience knows is always tricky. But it’s a safe bet that when all you give are initials, then the first time you use them you should write out the name of the bill.)</p>

<p>Remember too, that your major idea is that people in authority were going to make a bad decision and other people questioned that decision. Your argument would be much stronger if you briefly explain why it was a bad decision and how opponents defeated it. Rather than use the term “substantially restrict the liberties of many American citizens”, you could have substituted something more specific like “allowed advertisers and special interest groups to use copyright laws to impose censorship and otherwise restrict the public’s freedom to use the Internet.”</p>

<p>The second half of that same paragraph would probably have been better as a paragraph on its own. The the point you are making has changed enough that a new paragraph would highlight that you are extending your original thought. Also, the ideas about the acceptance of slavery and John Locke’s social contract theory actually represent changes of direction of the thought you are expressing. By this I mean, first you describe how people question authority, then you describe how they accept authority blindly, then you describe how Locke suggests one should question authority. I suspect you were writing as you were thinking of what to say. This is the sort of thing that happens in a first draft, and as a scorer, I would tend to be a bit lenient on the point.</p>

<p>The example you use from “Outliers” is spot on. There are a few problems with diction. “Amounts” refers to things that are not counted. “Numbers” refers to things that can be counted.</p>

<p>As with the earlier paragraph, I think his final paragraph should have been broken into smaller units. Your moral argument is a good one. It also seems to be somewhat different from the example of the airline crashes. To say that a disaster can be averted seems a point of its own. The moral argument seems to apply whether there’s a disaster or not. Actually, your earlier example about slavery would seem to illustrate this point more directly.</p>

<p>You’re closing two sentences should also be a paragraph on their own.</p>

<p>In general I agree that this is a very good essay. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s scored 10 or 11.</p>

<p>I don’t know how well you fit this essay into the time constraint that you had for writing. If you had a moment or two left over, you might have considered spending a little more time preparing your thoughts before you began writing. I know that as you compose ideas come to you and that can make a first draft appear a little disorganized. Readers will cut you some slack on that point, and they will cooperate if you use circles and arrows to indicate last-minute editorial decisions.</p>

<p>Nice job.</p>