There’s a saying that goes: “You wouldn’t worry so much about what people think of you if you knew how rarely they actually do.”
Yeah, I think you’re probably okay. Unless you are just spectacularly beautiful and amazing in every respect, this guy has gone on with his life perfectly okay with the fact that you are not in it. I don’t mean that sarcastically or as an insult either. It’s just highly unlikely that he is still thinking about a total stranger he met one day at orientation.
This is evidence to me that you really should see a counselor about this. Certainly people have been stalked; we’ve read the horrific accounts. But your fear is so disproportionate to the actual risk, and the fact that it’s actually interfering with your life to this degree is indicative of a problem that probably won’t go away without a little bit of help.
You are anxious about being stalked and anxious about being hacked. What do these two things have in common? What do they mean to you? What do they represent? Invasion? Being taken over? Losing control? This is something you need to unpack in therapy. It’s likely that the campus counseling center will refer you to a private therapist.
Just be vigilant on your surroundings, social media, etc. Don’t walk alone at night. I am sure are probably wise enough not be meet anyone alone you don’t know or barely know. Stay with people you know or feel comfortable with. This can apply to any colleges, large or small. It is better to trust you instincts that than letting your guards down that one moment that you might regret. In general, most college students are fine, but there is still that small percentage who are just bad/evil people.
I’m more afraid of my college kids being on a campus where students carry guns than of them being targeted by stalkers. I think statistics would back me up on this.
Talk about advice that completely misses the point, TooOld. This young lady is having unwarranted anxiety over a non-existent stalker and you are telling her to carry a gun. It would be wise to actually think before giving such advice.
Luckily D’s Nashville school does not allow weapons and she simply does the sensible things and doesn’t walk alone at night, locks her door, etc. OP has an anxiety issue, not am actual safety issue. Carrying a gun would not help. In fact, I’d bet that an over-anxious girl with a gun would be more dangerous than any imagined stalker. Terrible advice.
@TooOld4School Guns are prohibited at Tennessee State University, Belmont University, Lipscomb University, Vanderbilt University and Fisk University. They are also prohibited at Nashville State Community College. Just what school is she attending where it is legal to have a gun on campus in Nashville? It may be legal off campus- but not on any campus I know of.
I’m going to be the contrarian here. If you read “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker, he makes the point that you should listen to those gut instinct messages. You’re reading subtle nonverbal cues (his example is this: if you leave the movie theater and you’re walking towards your car and there’s someone also in the parking lot who makes you nervous, the best security thing to do is return to the theater. It may be nothing, but better safe than sorry.)
The likelihood is that you’re perfectly fine and safe. But get the counseling on the chance that you’re over reacting
I have to disagree with stradmom. That might work for someone who doesn’t have anxiety but as someone who has severe anxiety (though not on the level of the OP), I would never be able to do anything if I retreated every time I was uncomfortable. I would literally never be able to leave my house.
“he makes the point that you should listen to those gut instinct messages. You’re reading subtle nonverbal cues (his example is this: if you leave the movie theater and you’re walking towards your car and there’s someone also in the parking lot who makes you nervous, the best security thing to do is return to the theater. It may be nothing, but better safe than sorry.)”
OK, that’s probably good advice to a normal person who does not feel constantly under threat, but when you do eventually go home and all is well, do you then spend several months terrified and unable to focus on anything, because you had some vague, unsubstantiated suspicion that maybe that person in the parking lot that night might have posed some danger to you during those few minutes you were going to your car? I don’t think any of us are suggesting that the OP abandon all prudent caution–avoid walking alone late at night, don’t display valuables. Go ahead and put your blinds down at night if you want to avoid the attention of any stalkery creeps who might be out and about. That’s different than being paralyzed by anxiety and suspicion.
@anon6139 I just wanted to give you a pat on the back for coming here and stating your concerns in such a straightforward and honest way. And then listening to the wise advice from the posters who have engaged with you. I think you are listening to your “gut instinct message”—the gut feeling that your anxiety has gone beyond normal caution into something that needs to be addressed by a professional. That’s a scary thing to admit in and of itself. Let us know how things go. There are a lot of people on your side here. <3
@EllieMom Thank you so much!!! And thank you to everyone for being supportive and understanding. I didn’t think I’d find a community here, but I have and I’m very grateful. I’ve wrestled with this problem for awhile and it’s only festered throughout the years. It’s a conflict between wanting to feel secure and wanting relief. I will keep you all updated.
I don’t think you should go away to any college until you get your paranoia in check. It’s a serious disorder and you are subjecting a future roommate to living behind your barriers. I urge you to seek therapy before you go out in the real world. I had a brother who was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia (signs began to show around age 19.) He lived his adult life thinking people were staring at him and trying to steal from him. If you are having these feelings now, the best thing you can do is seek help. Living on a college campus will make it worse. Sorry. I’m not trying to be mean but I think a little honesty can help you.
@Terp Mom Well that’s not an option for me and, though I’m no professional, I don’t think I have schizophrenia. Thank you for your good intentions though.