Hi! I’m about to start my freshman year of college, and I’m extremely nervous. My parents are really religious and conservative, and they kinda just assume (quite incorrectly) that I won’t be partaking in any alcohol, parties, or sex at college. As a result, they’ve taught me literally NOTHING about dealing with any of those three things. Not a single word of advice on how to avoid and recognize creepy guys, how not to over drink, how to stay safe when you’re out with friends, literally nothing. I’ve developed this irrational fear of college as a result because I feel like I have no idea how to navigate or recognize the signs of a potentially bad situation. I’d really appreciate it if I could get some solid college advice on parties/avoiding creepy guys/alcohol, literally anything like that you think I should know, please help me out!! I’ll be eternally grateful.
I’m guessing you’ve lead a sheltered life. The good news is that you’ll figure most of this out as you go along. I don’t think most kids start college knowing all the things you’ve asked about.
Trust your instincts on guys. For example, if you aren’t comfortable with that guy being so close to you, move away. If you aren’t attracted to a persistent guy, be honest and say “sorry, I’m not interested.”
Re alcohol, don’t accept drinks from anyone at a party. Always get your own, and assume there will be alcohol at parties. If you don’t want to drink, just keep a cup in your hand if you think you’ll feel awkward without a drink. On that note, there will always be kids who don’t drink, so find those people if drinking is not your scene.
Many colleges have free condoms at the health center, and some even have them available in dorms. Keep some in your bag or backpack, just in case. Don’t ever succumb to pressure to be sexual with someone if you don’t want to. Say no and leave the situation. Walk with others at night too, and avoid the temptation to just hold the door open for men, unless you know they live in your building.
Re bad situations in general, always listen to your gut. You may be naive, but you’re a young adult and you know more than you think you do.
Aside from @Lindagaf excellent advice, I would add that you should not go to parties until you have at least one female friend who you can trust, with whom you can go to parties. Having somebody to watch your back is extremely important. It sucks that a woman needs to be worried about things like this, and it shouldn’t be so, but it is, and you need to protect yourself.
Don’t use any drug or drink any more than a small amount of alcohol unless you are in a safe place with people you trust.
If you don’t want to drink, don’t drink. Avoid anybody who tries to convince you that you should drink.
Many of the best parties are either low on alcohol or alcohol-free. Aside from partying, there are many other fun things to do at college. My daughter has has great nights in with her friends, during which they drew pretend tattoos (well, it was mostly my daughter), they have taken trips to the closest actual town to hang out and drink hot cider, they have baked cookies, etc.
So you understand, I raised my daughter in a much more “permissive” manner than your were raised. She was allowed access to alcohol (my wife and I grew up in countries with no drinking age), we made sure that she was educated in birth control and health issues related to sex, etc. Yet she rarely goes to parties at which there is drinking (when she does, it’s usually to remind herself why she dislikes those parties), almost never drinks more than a single drink, and so forth. Women like her are extremely common in college, and they will be the best people to guide you through life in college.
To repeat what @Lindagaf wrote - use your gut. You will never “miss your chance at happiness” when you turn a guy down. A normal guy will lose interest if you say no, and a actually nice guy will smile and say that it’s OK.
If you have said no, and the guy persists, well, that there is a creep.
If a man is making you uncomfortable by the way he behaves, and doesn’t stop when you show that you are uncomfortable, that is a creep.
Even if you cannot actually “put your finger on” the actual behavior that makes you uncomfortable around a man, he is also likely to be a creep.
If a guy tries to get you alone, and persists when you show no interest in doing so, that guy is seriously a creep.
Sometimes a guy is simply socially inept, but it is not your job to figure out what the guy’s problem is. Don’t spend time, effort, and possibly put yourself in a very uncomfortable position because you were trying to be polite to somebody who you thought was socially inept, but was, in fact, a creep.
You should step out of your comfort zone, but do so by taking a class which challenges your understanding of the world. Engage in an activity which exposes to to cultures with which you were not familiar, listen to new music, and watch new dance. Go to a house of worship of another religion. Befriend a person of another country or religion, start conversation on the quad. However, do not risk your safety while doing so.
You will learn how to figure out many of the social behaviors pretty quickly, so by the time you are a sophomore, you will have all of the information which you parents neglected to share with you. In the meantime, being careful.
I think that you will do fine, and will have an amazing freshman year.
See if your local police department or at your college host any self defense classes for women. Even if they aren’t holding them in person yet because of the virus, they may have a lot of information on their website. When I did one with my daughter, 1/2 the class was about avoiding putting yourself in potentially dangerous situations in the first place and they reviewed everything you are worried about.
Here were the main take aways:
Be aware of your surroundings always.
Don’t walk and be on your cell phone at the same time.
Don’t go anywhere alone at night.
Nothing good happens after midnight.
Trust your gut.