Seems like every time I mention that my DS19 is interested in UMiami (I don’t mention Frost because I know people won’t know what that is), people look at me like ‘you do know that’s a party school, right?’. They instantly judge my son and say I’m going to be throwing my money down the drain so that he can have a 4-year party. He is a music kid, and not going there for the party. Is UMiami more of a party school than others? Why such a reputation? Is it hard to get away from the partying? Or if you are with the musically minded, are you not involved in that scene?
Miami is definitely a party school however the music students there are VERY serious musicians. I personally know quite a few and they are practicing and in classes all the time. My son is an engineering student at Michigan State, also known as a huge party school, however he is a very serious student. He has to be in engineering or he won’t cut it.
It doesn’t matter where the school is, if your kid is going to party they will find a way to do so. If they are serious they can be serious anywhere. Frost is a top music school so don’t let the University party reputation sway you from sending your son there. It was my daughter’s second choice had her top choice The New School not come through with enough money. And there is no bigger party atmosphere anywhere than NYC so…I feel you! LOL :-((
I think this is a great question and one I am interested in hearing discussion on. My son has an application into UMiami. It’s extremely unlikely that he’s going to be a partier at all and music students are so busy do they even have time? I also wonder about other schools like UMichigan and the like within very large football oriented universities.
I live near a big ten university and made the mistake recently of driving through campus on homecoming before the football game with my son. My son applied to this school and said “there is no way I’m going here”. It was blocks and blocks of partying. Lol. Well I graduated from the school of engineering there and I was not a partier at all. I never attended homecoming. That said, I never felt like I had a super great social circle of engineering nerds to hang out with. I do feel like schools now are TRYING to create communities within the larger community. Music schools within a larger school do feel like they are possibly built in communities.
First of all, you are going to have a tough time if you worry about other people’s perception of your child’s college choice. Most of them aren’t going to know a thing about music, how rigorous a music education can be, or the strength of a particular music school within a university. They probably already think your son is “throwing away” his education simply by choosing to major in music.
But to answer your question, my son almost went to Miami-Frost last year. He does not drink alcohol, and while social he does not go to large parties. He prefers to hang out with small groups of friends. He had no problem with Miami’s party scene; he chose another school based on the teacher and scholarships. Miami has lots of partiers but also lots of serious academic students across all disciplines, particularly in the music school. My son ended up at FSU, perhaps even a bigger party school, by reputation, than Miami. But he has found lots of like minded kids there.
My S got his BM at UM (Michigan). The school of Music is on North campus there. In general my impression was that the music students tend to be very busy and seriously focused on their music studies so that they develop their own community centered around the music school and its activities. So they are somewhat removed from the goings on on central campus. That being said they still had plenty of social activities and parties were available for those so inclined.
My S and many of his friends were so busy, increasingly as time went on, with performances and gigs that made heavy partying impractical and it wasn’t something he was personally interested in. It does exist though so as SpartanDrew said “It doesn’t matter where the school is, if your kid is going to party they will find a way to do so. If they are serious they can be serious anywhere.”
My D went to IU. Her best friend went to Lawrence. They compared notes and found that their social lives were very similar. Both had a close knit group of friends that hung out together in dorms then houses then bars as the years progressed. At IU there were the large Greek parties and football/basketball games. My D did not participate and on her end of campus you might not know a football game was going on…instead you were attending a ballet and then going to an after party with conservatory kids.
At any big school you will have lots of choices. When I went to a big public school, I never went to the homecoming events. I was too busy smoking clove cigarettes in a food & music coop that smelled like BO on the artsy side of campus to realize a football game was going on.
If you are concerned as time passes, your kid could reach out to the school or ask questions during a visit about the social life for music students. Many music students attend music events…and sure they socialize/party after with friends but are often not part of the football/Greek party scene.
So it basically sounds like my S’s high school! He has the best group of friends that are all from choir and/or the musical. Their idea of a party is getting tickets to community theatre on a Friday night! LOL
“I was too busy smoking clove cigarettes in a food & music coop that smelled like BO on the artsy side of campus to realize a football game was going on.” LOL! @bridgenail we were clearly friends in college!
My D went to a non-party school and, as far as I can tell, has enjoyed beach parties on a fairly regular basis since starting college. It’s the kid, not the college.
You know Ivy League Schools are big party-schools. I have a son (now a PhD) who did not drink alcohol and was afraid of anything remotely close to partying due to his own health situation and experiences he had as a teen. He used to joke that maybe he should go to Brigham and Young since nobody there drinks (we are not Mormon). Well we were not going to send him that far away so that wasn’t even on his list. Because this kid had issues, I had an hour drive rule for him for undergrad. He landed at a small liberal arts school where there were plenty of kids who partied. Initially he kept too himself and we were worried that he would have no social life as he is an introvert and was so worried about handling himself in a college party scene. But he gradually made friends and although he was not super social he did occasionally do social things. In grad school he actually started to have fun with other peers.
I think you need to trust that your child will find his people and make the right choices. I have known quite a few Frost Alums through my son and they are all very serious working musicians.
My D also was a theater/choir nerd in high school who never drank. She preferred small groups over large and was (and still is) medium social - likes friends but also her alone time. She went to a frat party her first few weeks of school (I think pledges were looking to invite girls) and told me triumphantly how she didn’t drink at the party and thought it was all so silly. I couldn’t really see her hanging at frats but was glad she was “ trying new things”. And, after that one time, I never heard about a frat party again. But as time went along freshman yr I got the sense that at small gatherings of conservatory friends she was having a drink or two.
She had to navigate the whole party scene particularly sophomore year. Some conservatory kids started partying hard. Some were against it and watching Disney shows while working on their Mrs’s Degrees (didn’t know that was still a thing but it is as you move south particularly). Btw my D still loves Disney shows. But she felt very stuck bx two different groups. It did take some time for her to settle in with a new group that partied but weren’t crazy (I think it was the hook up scene that bothered here more than the drinking etc).
I guess what I’m trying to say is they all need to deal with these social issues at any school. Most will change in college…as they should. I don’t think it matters the school. My D came out about where I would have guessed. She did start drinking/partying at college but it was never her end all and be all. It is the way a lot of college kids socialize. And she wanted a steady boy friend but that proved more elusive until grad school.
I’ve lost the point here…except maybe friends are VERY important. It’s not something parents focus on. But it is important to respect your kids gut instinct about where they believe they belong in the end. They are looking for “their tribe”. Respect that.
Honestly, I think the party school/Greek vibe is more an issue of fit than anything…in other words, where will a kid feel at home. But I think the point is often mute for music students! They already have a huge, built in base of people with similar interests within the School of Music or Conservatory, so usually they find their people pretty easily.
Funny story: During D’s auditions we happened to visit a medium size school with a HUGE Greek system over Super Bowl weekend. There were literally people dressed in costumes and just a slew of young women all matching, painted and blinged up walking around campus and town. Mt D said " Oh. My. God . What IS This!!! What Is Happening?!" She took cell videos of big groups of Frat boys partying on lawns…it took us a while to realize it was all for Superbowl Weekend (and things wouldn’t be like that all the time). Anyway, she LOVED the vocal faculty at this school, and it shot up to her top 3, despite the Greek System (which she has noooo interest in). I think she could have been very happy there. D ended up at Oberlin Conservatory, which is perfection in terms of fit for her, and Oberlin abolished any Greek Systems many years ago. I think it would be pretty tough to survive musically/academically when partying TOO hard at most top programs (D has seen some students leave because they were partying too much to be focused on their music, and some leave because they wanted a more relaxed atmosphere where they would be fee to “have more fun”).
When we first started looking S would immediately say no to a college he heard was a party school. Or if he didn’t know the reputation he would ask. I always told him that just because it’s a party school it doesn’t mean you have to party, and even if it’s not a party school people who want to party will, even on a dry campus. At his school, the band kids idea of a party is to go to the movies then to Steak “n” Shake for milk shakes, or to go out for sushi. He said the choir kids are the big partners as evidenced by their snap chats. Now that is not to say that all choir kids are partiers. It just happens that at his school music program, that is the group that does it.
Now how do these fraternities that are for music students only work? Are they non-traditional Greeks or music students who want the Greek life-style but only with other musicians. I haven’t really gotten the chance to ask at our visits where it’s been mentioned in passing.
I’ll just add another tidbit or two. My D definitely had an “attitude” about the popular/party kids in high school…equal parts scorn and jealousy. So she was NOT interested in large public schools. However things changed. During the process she started getting concerned about small schools…being too small, not diverse enough (my D looks Asian…she’s half), no good Asian grocers etc. So she eventually chose a big (party) schools for a variety of reason.
I do remember her telling me once…something like…I’m glad I went to a big school. You always hear about all the shenanigans in college…I got to experience some of that and it was fun. She was once in a bar when IU beat Kentucky in basketball and she said the place exploded. Everyone started running into the streets yelling and screaming. She said that she and her friends joined in and had a great time. A once in a lifetime experience.
Is that a reason to go? No. But … once in college, her jealous/scorn for certain people/activities faded. She was no longer the sour theater nerd next to the dumb party kids. They out grow those feelings. As an upperclassman she had more the attitude of … well those kids add a lot of school spirit and funny shenanigans to my college experience. It was live and let live…and a non-issue…just in case your kid ends up at a big school…the party scene probably won’t matter much.
As for greek life, the music school highly recommended that students NOT participate as it was considered a distraction. My D only had one friend in a sorority and that girl was not a serious music student in the end.
That is actually really good to hear bridgenail. My kid can be a bit high brow and it would serve him well to mellow out a bit. It’s not like the parents over here super straight laced. I do want him to find his people for sure but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some of the amenities of a larger school. He is writing essays for a larger school today and it’s like pulling teeth. I know he would love it there (Michigan).