Score my essay, I'll score yours.

Prompt:

Fredrick Douglas once said, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress. This struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, and it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle.” He was right. Progress is something that must be fought for; without conflict, progress simply does not occur.

Does progress result only from struggle and conflict? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My essay:

Progress is a phenomenal achievement. When NASA first found a planet similar to Earth, the association beamed, stating that this discovery was “progress.” Progress opens doors to a various amount of options. In NASA’s case, it has opened doors to find other planets like Earth, based Earth and the newly discovered planet’s specifications. NASA, like all things, managed to achieve this progress because of struggle.
For example, a baby makes progress only when she or he struggles to stand. Overcoming a struggle is a whole other feat itself. When a baby girl succeeds in standing, she also obtains new opportunities; she can twist the knob of a door and even walk. Once she starts to walk, she struggles with balance. When she overcomes that hardship, she once again has opened many doors in her future.
Moreover, many children’s movies convey that struggle is a necessity for progress. An example of a movie can be Akeela and the Bee. In the movie, the protagonist, Akeela, yearns to advance her vocabulary skills to win the spelling bee. Akeela has to struggle to learn the new jargon; sometimes the definitions and spellings are engraved her brain, and sometimes they are forgotten. Akeela struggles to remember the information and clearly progress, as she wins the spelling bee at the end of the movie.
Ultimately, progress is only achieved with one key factor: struggle. Struggle gives motivation, whether it is, as Fredirck Douglas states, “moral or physical.” With progress, one can progress triumphantly.

You have really great examples. I think you’d get a 10+, if you add an opening paragraph and a conclusion paragraph. The examples were spot on though!

You have really great examples. I think you’d get a 10+, if you add an opening paragraph and a conclusion paragraph. The examples were spot on though!