Score my essay?! I'm freaking out.

<p>Prompt: Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?</p>

<p>Conscience is the most powerful motivator in the world. Money, fame, and power only have limited appeal. Humans are only willing to go so far in their quest for any of these material objects. However, the knowledge of having sinned, or done bad, will last eternally, and people are willing to go to the gates of hell to avoid its agony.
Hence, the 17th century philosopher Kant imagined that a friend confided a large sum of money to him to pass on to his children after he died. However, once the event came to pass, the children were affluent, living in the lap of luxury, and the persona was impecunious, unable to even pay his rent. The question posed by Kant was whether to keep the money and survive, or give it to his unpleasant acquaintances. Kant decided he should honor his promise.
Indeed, though the temptation to smite the egregious heirs and keep the money for the person who deserved it was great, it would only bring pain and regret as a result of not doing the right thing. So, Kant would live in pain and suffering, would risk losing his house and living on the street, because he would have a clear conscience.
The material things in life are ephemeral and superfluous compared to the knowledge of having done the right thing. Our conscience can push us to do everything, down to sacrificing our happiness, welfare, money, fame, and power, to do what we believe is just.</p>

<p>I would be the most gratified person in the world if someone would deign to review this and give me a score - I'm taking the SAT Saturday!</p>

<p>bump</p>

<p>Is anyone out there?</p>

<p>I’d give your essay about 10-11. You pose a good example w/ Kant and did a great analysis of the conscientious effects of his subsequent decision. Very nice inclusion of advanced vocab like impecunious and egregious. Maybe if you add one more great example in there, it’ll guarantee a 12.</p>

<p>honestly, i don’t quite get what you are talking about.
"Kant imagined that a friend confided a large sum of money to him to pass on to his children after he died. " “his” means Kant’s friend? anyways, this is a minor problem. </p>

<p>“the children were affluent, living in the lap of luxury, and the persona was impecunious, unable to even pay his rent. " how could the children were “living in the lap of luxury” and suddently were” unable to even pay his rent". Does “his” mean “Kant’s”?</p>

<p>“Kant would live in pain and suffering, would risk losing his house and living on the street, because he would have a clear conscience.” I don’t quite get the cause-effect relationship here. Because he would have a clear conscience, Kant would risk losing his house and living on the street? </p>

<p>I serisouly think this essay only deserves a 7 or 8.</p>