First essay I’ve posted on college confidential—ALL types of comments/suggestions are welcomed. Tell me what I should improve on and score my essay on a scale out of 6 or out of 12; whatever you prefer.
Thanks!
---------------ESSAY AND PROMPT BELOW----------------
Prompt:
“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside of them: a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
—Muhammad Ali
If you want to become an expert in a certain field, do you need to have more talent or more motivation? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.
Essay:
Many people have dreams, aspirations, and goals. But only a few achieve them. These people are the ones who work day and night for their goals. The people who believe their talent will suffice will rarely manage to achieve their goals if they do not put it in hard work, and more importantly, motivation. To become an expert in anything does not always require talent, but motivation.
A real-life example of a person who has talent, but had more ambition is a very famous celebrity named Jennifer Lawrence. Lawrence did not take any acting classes because her parents were not willing to spend money on them, so she managed to create her own. Because of her determination and motivation to become an actress, Lawrence is now an Oscar-winning actress who has played vast roles ranging from a woman dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder to a girl who is forced to become a beacon of hope for a nation.
Another example would be Bill Gates. He started out as a boy who delivered newspapers, but now he is the richest man in the world. He had a significant talent that helped him get to where he is today: intelligence. But with that intelligence, he worked hard and he had the ambition to bring the world of technology to billions of people worldwide.
I’ve learned from my own experience that you can only master something with ambition. Though I had the talent to become an expert in photography, I did not have the motivation, and therefore, the will to achieve it. But once I realized that photography was something I enjoyed, my love for photography became my motivation to become an expert photographer.
Talent is a great ingredient to add to the recipe of successfully achieving a goal, but without motivation, you will not get the results you desire.