<p>“Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them-a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill, and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.” </p>
<p>Topic : If you want to become an expert in a certain field, do you need to have more talent or more motivation?</p>
<p>“No man is born wise or learned” is a true statement. Every human has to develop his skills to reach the expert level, which comes from motivation. I believe motivation is more important than talent because that’s what encourages us to work hard. Many people suggest pursuing a career which interests us rather than choosing it for other reasons. Through motivation and hard work, one can definitely achieve success. In this essay, I will show with examples about myself and an award winning film which will prove that motivation is what helps you to be the best at what you want to be.
In a popular movie named “Million Dollar Baby”, there is a girl nicknamed Maggie who had a passion to be a world renowned boxer. The coach initially doubted her abilities because she was a girl. However, the trainer saw a burning desire in her to learn and was impressed by her determination. Maggie used to train tirelessly to achieve her goal even though she had several obstacles along the way but as they say “If there is a will, there is a way”. Even though she could not become the boxing champion she wanted to be, she was able to accomplish heights that had never been achieved. Through her determination and hard work, she was able to prove that one just needs motivation to be successful.</p>
<p>Ever since I gained access to the internet, I always wondered how websites are created. It was an intriguing subject for me and staying home gave me a chance to learn what it takes to build a website. I self-educated myself by taking courses, watching YouTube videos, asking questions in forum and tested my knowledge by practicing what I learned. Although it was tough and many times I felt like giving up, but my inspiration is what kept me going. But I was finally able to develop a website from scratch on my own and shared the achievement with others. Some people I know even requested me to help them create a website. I was able to become a professional just by learning what I was interested in which encouraged me to work harder instead of giving up.</p>
<p>I can tell from my experience that motivation is the critical factor for success or expertise in a field. One can only reach his goals if you are willing to go the extra mile which comes from determination. Just talent will not be sufficient to help you succeed. You need the motivation to work hard in order to polish your skills.</p>
<p>" In this essay, I will show with examples about myself and an award winning film which will prove that motivation is what helps you to be the best at what you want to be."
Don’t announce what you are going to do in your essay, just do it. If you really want this sentence, I’d rephrase it—it sounds awkward. </p>
<p>I agree with howtosaveuhlife you need to rephrase that sentence (I would first take out, “In this essay”). If you do have any website examples use them to show how professional you have become overtime. I would grade this as a 4.5/8.</p>
<p>“It was an intriguing subject for me and staying home gave me a chance to learn what it takes to build a website. I self-educated myself by taking courses,”</p>
<p>I am sorry but the part “and staying home gave me a chance to learn what it takes to build a website.” kinda makes it sound like you are a recluse. And did “staying home give you a chance” when you could have probably learned faster by attending a class and learning? I would personally rewrite that into something like,“in my spare time at home I gathered all the information possible and etc etc”. </p>
<p>Another thing I question is “self-educated myself by taking courses,” that sounds like an oxymoron. When one takes a course than (I think) someone else is teaching you. Whether it be online or in person. Somebody gathered the necessary information and relayed it to you. </p>
<p>Just my thoughts ask around about it.</p>
<p>" In this essay, I will show with examples about myself and an award winning film which will prove that motivation is what helps you to be the best at what you want to be."</p>
<p>Try this instead: In film, as in life, we can see how and why motivation is paramount to talent.</p>
<p>Okay so also, you need smooth transitions between the topics. Say something along the lines of “Motivation not only beats talent in film, it also beats talent in my life” and then continue on.</p>
<p>“One can only reach HIS OR HER…”</p>
<p>Okay, so in the end, id probably give this a 4. There are two main reasons. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>The content and ideas are there, but it significantly lacks development. Throughout the essay, it seems like you summarize everything, and then add a sentence in the end to connect it to your thesis. EVERY sentence needs to be connected to your thesis. If it isn’t, it shouldn’t be there. You need to develop your ideas further. </p></li>
<li><p>The rhetoric of this piece is rather elementary. I don’t advocate using big words that you don’t know, but try to use an elevated vocabulary. Also, try to use varying sentence lengths. You use a lot of simple sentences. Try to add an extra clause to your sentences or try combining them. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>For example: Turn this "In a popular movie named “Million Dollar Baby”, there is a girl nicknamed Maggie who had a passion to be a world renowned boxer. The coach initially doubted her abilities because she was a girl. " into something more like this “In Million Dollar Baby, the protagonist, Maggie, faced various obstacles on her path to becoming a world renowned boxer.” </p>
<p>I hope this helped you! :)</p>
<p>This essay sounds to me like a typical 2-example SAT essay. Maybe strive for a bit more insight? It’s not an academic paper. </p>