Please score my essay? SAT's coming in June! X)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>What you see here is as is, done in strictly 25 minutes. Please, any comments will be greatly appreciated :))</p>

<p>“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
-Mohammad Ali</p>

<p>Prompt: If you want to become an expert in a certain field, do you need to have more talent or more motivation?</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>To be an expert in a certain field, one should adequately possess both talent and motivation. I agree with Mohammed Ali, though, that people are champions not by their skill, but by their will. I believe that motivation plays a bigger role in becoming an expert than just possessing the talent. </p>

<p>I have always been good with numbers; be it algebra, fractions, or accounts. I effortlessly manage to bring home good marks for my mathematics, which made some of my friends envy me. My natural talent for numbers didn’t mean I liked doing maths, though. Despite what everyone thought, I actually did not like numbers at all. Instead, I found myself compelled towards arts and designing. My passion for arts made me strive to learn more about it, and inspired me to explore the different aspects of arts and all there is to it. My artwork became more refined as I continually hungered for better and different techniques of creating art pieces.</p>

<p>Even though I had the talent to become a skilled mathematician, without the passion, it would be futile. Talent alone is not as good as having the passion and motivation to drive you further. Like Mohammad Ali says, “The will must be stronger than the skill.”</p>

2

<p>I would give you a 2 or 3 out of 6. I know it’s hard to hear, but the essay doesn’t really reflect how good of a writer you are. You can do much better than that, so don’t worry.</p>

<p>Firstly, your essay is really, really short. SAT graders won’t give you a good score if you only fill up half the booklet like you did. With practice, you’ll able to fill up the whole two pages.</p>

<p>Secondly, you take a clear position on the topic but you don’t really go anywhere with it. Your example, while vaguely related to the topic, doesn’t really tie in to your thesis. You say that you’re an expert in maths, even though you’re not motivated to do maths which is completely contrary to your thesis which states that ‘I believe motivation plays a bigger role in becoming an expert’. Furthermore, you say you like artwork because of motivation but you never say that you’re an expert. </p>

<p>I know they allow you to use first person, and if it works for you, I encourage it. However, only use first person when talking about an anecdote or something related to you. Consider your thesis: I believe that motivation pays a bigger role…'. That ‘I believe’ adds a tone of uncertainty to your thesis. To make your thesis stand out more, simply say ‘Motivation definitely plays a bigger role in becoming an expert than just possessing the talent’.</p>

<p>On the positive side, your grammar is immaculate, which I haven’t seen yet with the essays on this foru,</p>