This is what’s happening. I thought she had a finalized plan, and now she is ruling out schools for a variety of reasons. Schools she loved last week she is finding fault with today. She’s questioning doing ED when she was certain where she was applying. How can we get through this and help? Her odds are better at the 2 of her schools by applying ED1 and ED if she doesn’t get into her ED1. These were her two favorites. Her change of heart could just be hormonal or normal anxiety or just plain old confusion.
Is she getting pressure to apply ED? If she could apply RD would she keep them on the list? I’m wondering if she’s not ready to commit, which is understandable .
My kids didn’t apply ED. One of them changed her priorities a lot based on RD accepted student visits, even though she had done day visits to all the schools she applied to ahead of applying. If she thinks she can be happy at her matches & safeties, then let her apply everywhere RD (or EA if they Hs e it). She still could get into her reaches.
@suzy100 We feel like her odds are better if she does ED since she doesn’t have any hooks. It was her favorite school, and it seemed like she wanted to get this process over earlier so we encouraged ED. She is thinking about applying there RD which is not a sure thing. If she wants to apply to another school ED instead we would be fine with that, but she in now thinking she has a shot at her reach schools RD, which is unlikely. She’s in the wheelhouse for her original ED school so getting in is very possible. RD, it’s a risk.
Yes, it seems like she’s not ready commit as of today, but the concern is that if she doesn’t it might her chances. Tough situation. I feel for her.
Perhaps a revisit to the school would help clarify things for her.
For what its worth, my daughter had a dream school but couldn’t apply ED for a variety of reasons. She was really dissapointed about it. Eventually, she was accepted into the dream school anyway, but by then she had started to have second thoughts. In the end, she realized that another school was a much better fit for her. She has been extremely happy there. We often talk about how lucky she got that she couldn’t apply ED.
Does your daughter have a safety school that she likes and would be willing to attend if the others don’t come in? Are there any EA or rolling admissions schools she could apply to and secure an admission up front? That would take a lot of the pressure off. If so, I would follow her lead and not push ED.
My opinion…don’t force the ED option. Maybe your daughter isn’t so positive…and wants to have multiple choices from which to choose.
Our kids applied EA…but neither applied ED. Both attended their number one college choice.
Having a better “chance” ED is only worthwhile if it’s the kid’s top choice.
Keep in mind also, those higher ED acceptances include legacy, development, and athletic admits. For a regular applicant, the edge really isn’t so much.
And also…MOST college students don’t have a “hook” when applying.
It will work out. ED is not for everyone as it requires all the decisions to be made so early. If she loses a chance at the bonus from ED, that’s okay. She’ll find a school that works just fine for her.
My kids applied to their one and only schools early(rolling admissions) and were accepted in Oct. Then comes February and the financial aid packages and things were up in the air again. Both were okay with taking a gap year if things didn’t work out with the schools.
I feel you, OP. It’s tough. I’d let it marinate for awhile and see how she feels in a few weeks. This is stressful for everyone !
My D2 got in everyplace she applied, including her reaches. But she would have been willing to go to any of her schools If she can live with her choices no matter what, let her apply RD to take her time about deciding once she knows who accepts her.
My D1 didn’t get in everyplace, attended a school that gave her great merit, and has had a pretty great life in the 10 years since her college acceptance. She liked her school, was Phi Beta Kappa, got a great job through an older student she knew who had graduated, and is marrying a young man she met freshman year there. It FEELS like it is life defining at this moment if she doesn’t get into her reaches. But it isn’t. She can likely be successful and happy at a lot of colleges. But she has to own the decision. So I would not pressure her.
@citymama9
We’ve got that going on at our house, too! Last week Georgetown, Cornell and Williams weren’t on the list. A few days ago, Williams is back on, and today, when a pretty information packet from Cornell arrived (again), it’s suddenly back on the list.
It could be the fear of committing or simply of moving on. Or it could be that she feels she may be headed in a different direction than she was when she was initially looking and making her list. It is important - in fact critical - to get a lot of the legwork done junior year but quite a bit can change in the last two years of high school, especially around what a student wants socially. I suspect that is part of the reason that there are so many shifts in preferences during accepted student days. Rather than push her, try to get her to use you as a sounding board so she can work out her feelings on this. It is a big decision!
Any final decision, and potentially applying ED can be one, can be scary. She is clearly having second thoughts about if she feels ready to commit. There is still a way to go before the ED deadlines. If it is logistically feasible maybe suggest making another visit to her potential ED1 school if she thinks that might help. We re-visited my D’s top two college choices in the fall and that solidified in her mind where to apply ED.
With the information you gave here I agree that you should not force her to apply anywhere ED. However, I would suggest that she has the application to her potential ED 1 school ready by the end of October in case she decides to pull the trigger and apply early.
Do you think this might have anything to do with her b/f and being unsure if she wants to attend the same college as him or not?
My younger son apparently felt a lot of pressure (not by me!) to apply ED. The school he was considering ended up being his last choice of the places that accepted him. I really hate ED. He grew up so much senior year. He applied a couple of places EA and got into one of them which was great. That school ended up being his second choice by a hair.
Kiddo #1 was still changing her list in October. She got in to dream school, she got into super reach (that we knew we couldn’t afford going into but let her apply anyways). And she chose neither. I shudder to think what her life would be like if she’d gone ED to “dream school” as in hindsight, where she is now is a perfect fit and “dream school” would not have been.
I also think you have to consider the differential between the ED and RD acceptance rate. My son applied ED1 to American the differential is huge - 90% acceptance versus 27%. But if it’s only a slight improvement on your chances then you are just better off going RD or EA. I would highly suggest a second visit before you commit to ED. My son loves American, but he also never doubted it was the right choice.
Our S19 feels the pressure to use ED. His counselor thinks he has a very high chance of getting into his reaches if he could choose one to ED…but he’s not ready. He’s willing to take the risk and apply to all of his schools RD (except for one safety EA). I think it stinks to have to wait for the decisions to start piling in come March/April and it’s going to be crazy trying to figure out what to do with such a short time to decide but I definitely support him waiting. It seems like everyone applies somewhere ED, but that’s just not the case.
I’d give the college a second visit, but I wouldn’t push her to go ED. If that’s the college where she’s meant to be, it will happen. Otherwise, encourage her to bloom at another college.
I thought my two would go ED and have definitely pressured them. I was unprepared for Twin A to change her mind and it has been a scramble. I feel like her top choice would be great, but she may not get in RD. I too believe they land where they are supposed to, however, applying only RD does limit some of her options.
“Yes, it seems like she’s not ready commit as of today, but the concern is that if she doesn’t it might her chances.”
In that case you really don’t want to ED anywhere, and as you noted in the OP, kids change their minds a lot, esp from beginning of sr year to end of sr year, so keeping your options open is the best. Good luck!