<p>When I look at my SAT Score Report on Collegeboard they give me my essay score and what each grader gave me. They also show a scanned copy of my written essay, but is there any way I can see the reasoning for why I got the score I did? I honesty don't understand why I got my score and would really like to know justification for it and how to improve upon it for next time.</p>
<p>Post it ;)</p>
<p>The answer is no for your previous answer. They have millions of essays to grade so they won’t spend ten minute on yours.</p>
<p>If you post your essay, I will give you feedback that might help you understand more about the score.</p>
<p>Okay thanks. I retyped it below. Any original grammatical mistakes or spelling errors are included as well. </p>
<p>Prompt: Should we care just as much about people in other countries as we do about people in our own country</p>
<p>Essay:</p>
<p>For generations, people from apposing nations have interminably fought and clashed against one another. A sense of personal nationalism has always been evident, however, as time has come to pass, we as, humans have learned to accept both the similarities and differences with each other and care for people from all nations equally. This sense of unity is what defines us as humans, as the virtue of caring for all people equally regardless of nationality has become a major force in our progressive society.
Decades ago, the world was in a state of utter turmoil as WWII raged on. Hitler’s tyrannical regime devasted economies and societies alike as his narrow-minded ideology supported only Germany itself. All other nations were considered beneath him as this severe sense of German Nationalism disregarded all other people. Pain and suffering became ubiquitous in societies across Europe as this ideal of caring for only one’s country seemed to devastate everyone around it. Ultimately, this mindset led to Hitler’s downfall as he had nobody to support him, resulting in an internal collapse in power. If Hitler had simply took the time to consider the emotions and well-being of people from other nations, he may have gained more allies to lead to success.
Furthermore, this power of simply caring for people in other nations can be seen in more modern times as well. Just last year, Haiti was devastated by a series of destructive floods. Their impoverished country had no counter-measure to combat this devastation and faced severe hardship as their economy and people suffered alike. Fortunately, many nations such as the US, British, and French gathered together to support this Haitian crisis and provided medical assistance as well as aided in the reconstruction of the Haitian Economy. This sense of caring for the people of other countries revealed the power of universal support as the international economy and environment improved as a whole.
Whether in war, or in natural disasters, universally caring for people in all countries equally is quintessential to the future success and well-being of all humans as a whole. We must strive to put differences aside and unite as simply humans, putting aside national divisions to join together in universal care. This type of mindset aids in all aspects of life as caring for others in varying countries besides your own will lead to future unity and a more progressive society across conflicts, national disasters, or even in personal relations. </p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>Despite a long history of conflict, nations have recently begun to help each other.</p>
<p>Hitler’s extreme nationalism and arrogant sense of German superiority alienated potential allies and led to his defeat in WWII.</p>
<p>More recently. several nations joined in sending humanitarian aid to Haiti in order to relieve suffering after a disaster.</p>
<p>“We must strive to put differences aside and unite as simply humans, putting aside national divisions to join together in universal care.”</p>
<p>The sentences above represent the essence of the argument you have made in support of your thesis, with the last sentence being the thesis statement. There are a few supporting details that I omitted and that add a degree of specificity to elements of the summary, but in general, this was it.</p>
<p>The single greatest problem with your essay comes from a lack of what I call “idea density”. That term refers to the number of ideas related to the number of words you used to convey those ideas. ETS uses a similar term - “progression of ideas” - to refer to much the same thing. Repetition of ideas, long constructions to express ideas that can be represented in a single well-chosen word, and sentences that are so general that they really say nothing concrete are the sort of things that lead to low idea density. This flaw often occurs when a writer is trying to achieve a tone that sounds formal and academic. The desire to impress the reader overcomes the desire to communicate a well-reasoned argument. It also occurs when the writer tries to fill two pages of the answer sheet with one page of ideas.</p>
<p>Let’s look at specifics. I’ll copy the essay and insert my comments in parentheses.</p>
<p>For generations, people from apposing nations have interminably fought and clashed against one another. (‘For generations’/ ‘interminably’ and ‘fought and clashed’ are repetitions) A sense of personal nationalism ( ‘personal nationalism’? How is that different from ‘nationalism’?) has always been evident,(Semicolon needed.) however, as time has come to pass, (as time passed) we as, humans (we) have learned to accept both the similarities and differences with each other (accept our similarities and differences) and care for people from all nations equally. This sense of unity is what defines us as humans, as the virtue of caring for all people equally regardless of nationality has become a major force in our progressive society.</p>
<p>“This sense of unity is what defines us as humans, as the virtue of caring for all people equally regardless of nationality has become a major force in our progressive society.” (I set this aside for closer analysis. I see the heart of the idea as ‘The virtue of caring for all people equally regardless of nationality has become a major force in our progressive society.’ The opening idea-’ This sense of unity is what defines us as humans,’- is very debatable. Not all of us share this sense of unity. Are those of us who don’t therefore not human? ETS emphasizes that their readers must not debate the writer. That is why egregious factual errors and transparent fictions don’t count against the writer in scoring an SAT essay. However, as a general rule, superficial reasoning and immature assertions that are over-generalized and unsupported are not the same thing as factual errors. Don’t assert an idea like this unless you have taken a moment to think about what it actually says. It’s not a huge error in the context of your overall essay, but it is a red flag that suggests you are not thinking carefully.)</p>
<p>Decades ago, the world was in a state of utter turmoil (turmoil)as WWII raged on. Hitler’s tyrannical regime devasted economies and societies alike (an economy is part of a society. I would have used ‘devastated Europe’) as his narrow-minded ideology supported (not a good word choice) only Germany itself. All other nations were considered beneath him as this severe sense of German Nationalism disregarded all other people.(The preceding sentence is muddled and repetitive because much of the content is contained within the definition of ‘nationalism’. Try ‘Hitler’s narrow-minded nationalism led him to regard all other nations with contempt.’) Pain and suffering became ubiquitous in societies across Europe as this ideal of caring for only one’s country seemed to devastate everyone around it. (“Pain…around it.” This entire sentence repeats the idea of the sentences that precede it.) Ultimately, this mindset led to Hitler’s downfall as he had nobody to support him, resulting in an internal collapse in power. (Another dubious assertion that I, as a reader, would ignore.) If Hitler had simply took (taken) the time to consider the emotions and well-being of people from other nations, he may have gained more allies to lead to success.</p>
<p>Furthermore, this power of simply caring for people in other nations can be seen in more modern times as well. Just last year, Haiti was devastated by a series of destructive floods. Their impoverished country had no counter-measure to combat this devastation and faced severe hardship as their economy and people suffered alike. Fortunately, many nations such as the US, British, and French (US, Britain and France) gathered together to support this Haitian crisis (They supported the ‘crisis’ or the people of Haiti?) and provided medical assistance as well as aided in the reconstruction of the Haitian Economy. (economy) This sense of caring for the people of other countries revealed the power of universal support as the international economy and environment improved as a whole. (The international economy and environment and not just the Haitian economy etc.? An intriguing idea. It could have been an impressive addition to your essay had it been developed.)</p>
<p>Whether in war, or in natural disasters, universally caring for people in all countries equally is quintessential to the future success and well-being of all humans as a whole. (Indeed? How so?) We must strive to put differences aside and unite as simply humans, putting aside national divisions to join together in universal care. This type of mindset aids in all aspects of life as caring for others in varying countries besides your own (caring for those in other countries) will lead to future unity and a more progressive society across conflicts, national disasters, or even in personal relations. (This final sentence, at first glance, seems to be the answer to the questions I asked, but what does it really say? It leads to unity. Why is that good? What does 'a more progressive society across conflicts, disasters and personal relations mean? Specifically, the word ‘progressive’ seems to be the key to your idea, but what does it mean? What concrete good will a ‘progressive’ society produce that we don’t get without its ‘progressiveness’?)</p>
<p>I would score this essay a 4.</p>