<p>I have a sort of personal/ethical/confusical dilemma. In job, scholarship, and college interviews, I'm uncomfortable with promoting myself as a good (or even excellent) candidate for the position. It is partly because of my personality, which is more on the reserved side, partly because of my "culture" or family and community style/beliefs, and partly because I've received backlash in the form of major jealousy in the past when others heard of my accomplishments. </p>
<p>Will someone teach me how to respectfully and modestly tell the truth about myself without inflation OR denigration? I think I just need some mental boundaries or ideas of how the "right" way to do it looks.</p>
<p>When it's something you really want, be it a college or job or scholarship, you will learn the importance of self-promotion as soon as you see others getting what you lost but really felt was right for you. It's sad to have this experience. Other opportunities come along, but the sting of disappointment hurts. That is how you learn, and it works!</p>
<p>...it's self-confidence. At least, that's what I have to remind my own daughter. She seems to have similar reservations about talking about herself, and it's something that I've been trying to coach her through for years. </p>
<p>My first suggestion would be to think about how you receive a compliment. Do you hang your head and try to deny the truth of the compliment? Or do you meet the eyes of the other person and say, "Thank you"? If you are doing the latter, you're on the right track. </p>
<p>If you can remember during an interview that you're actually helping the other person to know you through your accomplishments, it may ease some of your discomfort. For many interviews and scholarship applications, the listing of accomplishments is the starting point rather than the ending point. What's more important is communicating your interest (or, dare I say it, your passion), and talking about your accomplishments is just a way to get the subject started. Remember, you need to want them as much as you want them to "need" you, and learning the truth about each other is not going to happen if you're not being open. </p>
<p>Modesty is too often perceived as false...the "aw, shucks" kind response rarely rings true. If you really feel that your accomplishments are not yours alone, it's fine to acknowledge that (my teacher...parents...fellow student...helped make this happen), but don't deny your contribution. If you do, it leads one to wonder why it's even been mentioned to begin with.</p>
<p>If you think of it as the job of the interviewer or the adcom reading your essays to make a sincere effort to "get to know you" and your job as trying to help them get to know you, it may seem less as self-promotion and more as "assisting this process". Look the interviewer in the eye and be direct with your answers. If you come across as honest and sincere and offer enough information about who you truly are as a person, the person on the other side of the table will appreciate your openness! Try it! </p>
<p>I did a lot of human resources work in a past job which involved a lot of interviewing. The curt, short answer types that didn't know how to take a question and go with it were the hardest to interview. Part of the process is showing your people skills after all. So let down your hair a little and have fun with it.</p>
<p>great question ... and I can relate ... I am very uncomfortable answering a question like "why are you the best candidate for X"? ... however, overtime I have ecome good a adjusting the request and answering the question "why are you a very strong candidate for X"? For me, moving away from the competitive aspect to discussing my strengths and my match to the situation makes it much easier to give a strong answer.</p>