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I think asking him to defer a year would be a really good thing, both for him and the college. And I think the colleges could find PLENTY of students without the drinkers who passed out and were caught.
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<p>And, having one or two elite college admissions revoked would be the ONE thing that would change the high school binge drinking habits of little Biffy and Buffy. Alas, the parents, the high schools, and the colleges simply don't care.</p>
<p>He should take responsibility for his actions; a letter of apology and an action to make amends is appropriate. (i.e., an offer to do community service or school service)</p>
<p>I would not defer his frosh year until I understood the issue better. I would investigate yourself both what the district policy is on such infractions and ask your son to tell you the truth about his drinking history. </p>
<p>This is the time to pull together as a family, and if you don't have the honesty you need, use counseling professionals to help you think it through and develop a direction you are comfortable with. There are no absolutes. It could be a stupid one-time lack of judgment, or a sign of something that has been going on for awhile and which is destined to be an issue in the future. I will be thinking of you all.</p>
<p>Several things here:</p>
<p>What will the high school do? Probably something like prohibiting him from participating in the grad ceremony. He'd still get a diploma but not get to "walk." Also any other senior fun activities. This would be because the drinking occurred on a school trip, and our school (for example) makes kids & parents sign forms that they understand that the rules on a school trip are the same as they are in the school building. But you'll have to meet with the school to find out. Will they report it to the college? I kind of doubt it, but it depends. If the college just asks for a transcript then no. If they ask for an "end of year report" from guidance that specifically asks for disciplinary actions, then they probably have to report it.</p>
<p>What will the college do? Well, IF they find out, they might talk to you & your son about getting alcohol counselling over the summer. I doubt they'd revoke his admission or his scholarship. </p>
<p>I do think a letter of apology to the high school is in order. If it goes in his file, and the hs has to report the incident to the college, they will also probably report the consequenses imposed and perhaps include his letter. Or if the college finds out your son could forward a copy of the letter to them, along with a letter explaining that it was a one-time stupid mistake that he does not plan to repeat, and that he understands the very serious dangers of drinking.</p>
<p>I don't think his future is ruined. But I would be sure to talk with him about why he did it and what expects his social life in college to be like. If you have any hint that the doesn't take this seriously, perhaps a few sessions with a counselor would be a good idea. </p>
<p>Don't let B.A.Dad's story scare you - that was a private school with a strict NO tolerance policy, and the illegal use of a prescription drug, which colleges tend to be more concerned about than alcohol.</p>
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and the illegal use of a prescription drug, which colleges tend to be more concerned about than alcohol.
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<p>This despite the fact that half of their students vomit from binge drinking each year and four in ten experience blackout from binge drinking each year. Yet, the colleges act like Alfred E. Newman. What, me worry?</p>
<p>I am not sure I agree with those that state that there should not be cause for alarm - at least in the administrative (if not only personal) sense. Yes, high school students do drink, but this fellow drank on a school field trip - enough to pass out! If this doesn't call into question issues of maturity and judgment, I don't know what will. The school may make an example of him. As routine as this sounds, I would look at consulting an attorney while doing the most important thing - getting counseling - this kind of stunt requires at least that.</p>
<p>I second the recommendation earlier to check your student's handbook. I did not know what our handbook said about alcohol consumption in the context of it occuring in the building (or a field trip). Our public school does not differentiate between "drugs" and "alcohol" and the stated punishment for consumption is 10 day home suspension and notification of authorities + random future testing or 5 day home suspension + alcohol abuse counseling and etc...so best know what your school handbook says going into the meeting. Yipes, better go talk to my 17 year old middle son for the millionth time.</p>
<p>I don't know about the colleges just giving it a pass. Really depends on the college. I know some of them want to hear assurances of a substance abuse program in place for the summer, some sort of addressing of the situation. More immediately, the concern is what the high school is going to do. Are they going to hold the diploma? Hold the transcript? Mark the transcript? The student may have to notify the college of the transgression. May not be able to graduate. May be suspended for the rest of the term. Or expelled. I've seen any of these things occur.</p>
<p>I am terribly concerned about the severe lack of judgment on part of the young man. It is one thing to be carried away at a party or private affair but at a school function..... A taste or a bit of alcohol is one thing but to drink until passing out...Again, that was really asking for it. It does not make sense to me. I think substance abuse counseling this summer is a must, and a hair test to check if any other drugs are in his body. As Mini said, a year or a semester at home might be in order. Too many of these binge drinkers are getting alcohol poisoning and some of them are not surviving the binges.</p>
<p>I'm not going to have enough time to consult an attorney at this point, we have to meet with the counselor at 7:30am tomorrow. After speaking to my son, he said he didn't black out, or pass out, but yes he was drunk and he drank before he got to the school trip(he wasn't driving). I am concerned about his drinking, extremely concerned. However he doesn't seem to be any different from the boys around him(I guess they would be considered "good boys"). And he has drank before and gotten drunk, but not at school time. I think I must be an enabler. I should add that his father does not live with us, the school is aware of that. I'm much calmer than I was before(before I had to leave work immediately that is) and have decided that I will let the chips fall as they may. He made his bed and he must lie in it. So if a gap year or a CC is in his cards, well that is the hand dealt to him by himself. I feel they should let him graduate as he is about 5 days away from graduation, whether they will let him walk with the class, I can't say. And relatives that are coming into town for the event will have to be told, by him of course, and that will be the major blow for him. He says kids have gotten off lightly for worse offenses at his school, such as drug use, so he doesn't seem too worried. Well we are in the real world sweetheart, so there can be real world consequences. I will be reading the forums all night on and off, so keep posting. He got himself into this mess and he will have to get himself out of it. He has taken senioritis to the max. BTW he is at a public HS, going to an OOS public college.</p>
<p>If he's 5 days away from graduation, the school will probably allow him to graduate but maybe not participate in the graduation ceremony. Sometimes things like this are better solved within the household---curfews, taking away the car keys, etc. I seriously doubt that they will forward this information to the college. I wouldn't make him defer college---this plan could backfire. Send him off to college with the understanding that if he gets himself into any more trouble with drinking, he's on his own regarding paying for tuition. Kids this age are going to make mistakes with their newfound freedom. As parents, we have to hope that our lessons over the years have somehow seeped into their psyche.</p>
<p>A prom party was busted my senior year, about a week before graduation. It wasn't really "busted" I guess, because it was at least 3 week after Prom when a student anonymously submitted hundreds of photos from the party (obtained on Facebook) to the principal. 40+ seniors were identified and dealt with according to the student handbook. For most it was the first offense against the "Good Conduct Policy" so they had to sit out 1/3 of whatever ECs they were involved in--for some it was sports (incl. senior nights), and for others, they had to sit out of the chorus and band performances during the graduation ceremony. Most that I talked to were most embarrassed by their parents punishments---telling their younger siblings and/or visiting families why they weren't participating in events. All but one of them walked, and he was the only one on his 3rd strike of the year. </p>
<p>None suffered repercussions from college, with the exception being the guy on his 3rd strike. He had his full-ride football scholarship (D-1AA) yanked before he could blink--3 drinking offenses (all in 2nd semester), and the school gave him the heave-ho out the door. Last I knew he was, ironically, attending a Div 3 school known in our area as the "Biggest D-3 Drinking School in the Country".</p>
<p>Good luck with the counselor tomorrow! I rarely drank alcohol in HS, and consumption has increased in my two years of college, but believe it or not--most college kids I've met are responsible about drinking. They just like to over-exaggerate their stories to make themselves seem cooler and. Your son can drink in college and be successful.</p>
<p>I'd be actually more worried if there were no consequences to speak of (which is likely to happen if it is a public HS, he is a "good student", so close to graduation, etc.). It will kind of send a wrong message (and that's what he expects, based on what he told you). </p>
<p>It will be your job to set the expectation for what happens next (in college).</p>
<p>In what way is it more serious to take "study drugs" to stay up and study than it is to drink until you pass out, or close to it, on a school trip?</p>
<p>Perhaps our nation needs to look at patterns of drinking amongst youth in countries that allow a gradual exposure to alcohol, where having a glass of wine with dinner among family is not regarded as a sign of incipient alcoholism. I have the strong impression that in such nations binge drinking amongst young people is much less prevalent. American teens are convinced that the only reason to drink alcohol is to get blind drunk. The concept of having a couple of beers over the course of several hours with friends (and NOT driving), or of having a couple of glasses of wine with a leisurely dinner simply doesn't exist for them.</p>
<p>I'd suggest that our current drinking laws have been a proven failure. I think we ought to look at how it is handled in Switzerland, for example.</p>
<p>No, I will not serve alcohol to underage Americans, but I do think our approach is seriously out of whack.</p>
<p>Every single northern European country with lower drinking ages than the U.S. has higher rates of binge drinking, higher rates of alcoholism, higher rates of liver cancer, higher rates of cirrhosis, higher rates of stroke, higher rates of alcohol-related deaths than the U.S. </p>
<p>It hasn't worked, has it? The data is unequivocal: gradual and early exposure to alcohol (for those of north European heritage) is a miserable failure. The data also shows that the normalization of alcohol use among the young, leading to serious alcohol-related consequences, starts with parents providing alcohol to their children. Among those of Northern European descent. (The pattern, as it turns out, is rather different among Hispanics, and among African-Americans.)</p>
<p>But in this case, it doesn't matter. The OP's son wasn't sitting down to dinner and having a glass of wine with his mother. He was found passed out out drunk on a school trip. He needs help, and I hope he ges it.</p>
<p>I don't know what I would do if I were in the original poster's shoes. Her kid has basically acknowledged that he's a routine binge drinker in high school. That all but statistically guarantees he will be a binge drinker in college...at least an occasional binge drinker, perhaps a frequent binge drinker. </p>
<p>I, personally wouldn't be very happy about paying one red cent to support a frequent college binge drinker. There are cheaper places to party than universities. I certainly wouldn't even consider fraternity (binge drinking club) membership.</p>
<p>I'd would very seriously entertain pulling the plug on college unless some counselling and conversations convinced me that the maturity to take responsible advantage of the college opportunity were in place.</p>
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Send him off to college with the understanding that if he gets himself into any more trouble with drinking, he's on his own regarding paying for tuition.
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<p>Great suggestion. You might think about defining what "trouble with drinking" means and how you can know if he gets into any such trouble.</p>
<p>I also think it was a great suggestion about no fraternities. Seriously, if he pledges, you could tell him no more tuition and fees for him. It's not like he won't drink if he is not in a fraternity, but if he is in one, the opportunities and temptations will likely be far worse.</p>
<p>Great, turn this into another "Lets bash fraternities." thread.</p>
<p>diesel:</p>
<p>It is what it is.</p>
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Twenty-seven percent said they had vomited deliberately to get rid of alcohol in their systems, the practice known as "boot and rally." Half of [Greek] males reported engaging in this practice, followed by [Greek] females (24 percent), independent males (22 percent) and independent females (13 percent). In addition, one-fifth of all students reported urinating publicly due to alcohol consumption. Among [Greek] males, 44 percent reported they had done so at least once in the past year, followed by independent males (28 percent), [Greek] females (14 percent), and independent females (8 percent).
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<p>The binge drinking rates for fraternity members are higher than for any other group. The poster's kid is already a binge drinker in high school. College would be, at the very least, on a one-strike you're out basis. Why in the world would you condone membership in campus drinking club?</p>
<p>Seems to me that the kid just drank himself out of the old "But, mom...I'll be a responsible frat boy..." spiel.</p>
<p>He's not going to Dartmouth, though. As your study is from, and how you left that out of the quote. Being one of the two schools that was the basis for Animal House, I'm not sure I would say it's the norm. </p>
<p>I can say, from personal experience, that there are GLO that take alcohol abuse very seriously. In my fraternity, during fall semester it because aparent that one of our brothers had a problem with alcohol. We all reached out to him, set up various appointments with AA, counclers, theropists, anything he needed pretty much(which the chapter was willing to pay for because he was struggling with money, manily caused by his addiction). He didn't have any of it; and was given a one semester probationary to attend treatment, he couldn't come to any of our events where there was a possibility of alcohol being present, and was suppost to plan a dry event for the chapter.
Again, nothing. So in a chapter meeting we came to a very hard and painful decesion to take his letters. Wasn't something any of us wanted; and I've never seen so many 18-22 year old male college studnets on the verge to tears, however it was something that had to be done, as he reflected not only negatively on himself, but the chapter. Having brothers passing out in bars or blacking out and making fools of themselves, doesn't make you look good to anyone, sororities included.</p>
<p>Yes, we like to party. Yes, we do drink. However, we're also a family who looks out for each other, and are going to be there before anyone if there's a problem.</p>
<p>He also had no problem getting himself blitzed in highschool, so it seems pretty aparent if he wants to drink, he's going to; Greek or not. In my eyes, keeping him at a school close to home, or taking a gap year, isn't going to stop him from doing anything.</p>
<p>Oh great, let's turn this into another, "Gee Mrs. Cleaver, that's certainly a lovely dress you're wearing and did I mention our fraternity is responsible regarding our hazing and binge drinking" thread.</p>