<p>I'm almost 21, have never had a curfew, and quite frankly never have needed one. If I'm out late, chances are I'm either at a ballgame or one of my Bible study events or other church-related activities. In high school the only days I'd be out late would be football games that were a long way away from the school (I once got back at 1AM from one of those!) or a crunch-time high school musical practice (the kind that's supposed to be over at 10:00 but takes three hours longer--anyone who did musical knows what I speak of).</p>
<p>getting home at 6 or 7 am every day? how about he gets productive (job, school, internship) rather than a curfew? if he has things to do the next day he won't be out that late.</p>
<p>I think it is more just common courtesy. I assume the OP is speaking about their son who is home from school, and a phone call is not a lot to ask.</p>
<p>don't want to tell parents where you are going?
what do kids do nowadays that they can't tell their parents about..</p>
<p>My $.02: reponsible adulthood is achieved by actions, not age. If the child is living under your roof, and you are contributing to their support, basically you make the rules. The rules may be minimal, such as the courtesy of a phone call (at a reasonable hour) if you don't intend to come home that night.</p>
<p>If the child/young adult has the additional benefit of enjoying the use of one of your vehicles or is carried on your insurance, you have every right to ask questions and impose limits. The limits should be based on the level (or lack) of responsibility exhibited.</p>
<p>The kid can't have it both ways. If you want to be treated like an adult, behave in a responsible adult manner. If you can't, there's the door. If you want adult responsibility, then take the all responsibility if the "rules" get in your way.</p>
<p>Crash_Blair- I'm old and crusty, and have two that just graduated from college.</p>
<p>My mother used to ask "What are you guys doing tonight?"</p>
<p>My answer: "We're probably going to a bar and try to get laid Ma."</p>
<p>She thought we were kidding. </p>
<p>At least I was honest.</p>
<p>don't want to tell parents where you are going?
what do kids do nowadays that they can't tell their parents about..</p>
<p>Um... everything? No kid wants their parents to know they're having sex or drinking or smoking pot or whatever it is. It's a matter, not only of knowing they'll get told off, but of privacy. Some things are just private, no matter how close you are to your parents.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who said no to curfew but yes to the courtesy of a phone call. Had that discussion with my daughter and pointed out that I would not leave the house and just not come back without letting anyone know where I am (and I am in my 50s). When she looked at it from that point of view rather than me trying to control her actions it seemed reasonable to her (or she said that anyway ;) ) But in the end it is what you feel comfortable with - your house your rules. And if he does not like your rules he can move out and pay his own way. Perfectly reasonable option.</p>
<p>AFprep....wow</p>
<p>I've read a couple posts about people saying "there is a door" and "my house my rules." As an 18 year old going to college in the Fall, I do not expect a curfew this summer. If I hear my parents threaten me with those words, I will leave. </p>
<p>I highly doubt any of the parents on this board would throw out a kid just because he comes home really, really late, and jeopardize actually going to college in the Fall. </p>
<p>Sure, it may be because I am young and not a parent, but if I do not have a curfew in the eyes of the law (17 and below the curfew law is 10:00pm, 18, no curfew), then I will not have one.</p>
<p>Curfew? hahahahhahahahahhaha</p>
<p>I am not saying have a curfew, but I am saying that if your kid acts like a jerk and doesn't have enough respect to at least punch a keypad and let you know he has a pulse, he is immature (though he claims to be all grown up), lazy and just plain mean</p>
<p>Grownups call....bratty children do not, and think that makes them adults, it doesn't it make them no more mature then a 13 year old</p>
<p>
[quote]
don't want to tell parents where you are going?
what do kids do nowadays that they can't tell their parents about.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I wasn't implying that I go out and get wasted every night and don't want my parents to know. My parents know I drink when I'm at school, although I'm underage. They know that if I'm home for spring break or going on the snowboarding trip to Colorado that I'll drink. I don't have to hide that from them. I dont drink a lot (mainly just on occasion or if its a friends birthday or something)...me saying I'm glad I don't have to tell my parents where I'm going is that I AM 19. I AM responsible, and they know it. Me and my friends ALWAYS have a designated driver if we drink. If we don't have a driver, we call a cab. </p>
<p>When I was home over winter break, they asked me where I was going everytime I left the house--a shock to me, since I was so used to the dorms and not having to say where I was going. It didnt matter if I was going to Wal-Mart, my HS to see old teachers, the cafe, the hair salon, they wanted to know every single thing I was doing. I guess in high school I didnt realize how much they hovered over my shoulder, but after a few months at college, I realized how GREAT it was to be out on my own. To have that independence. When I'm home, I feel like there's paparazzi following me everywhere, asking about my every move. </p>
<p>Some kids need supervision even when they are 19, 20 years old and home for college. There are those of us who are 19 or 20 and don't need to call home. It's called maturity. Some people have it, some don't. Some develop it as early teens, some people never become mature adults. </p>
<p>When I was 14 my parents went with me to Washington DC for a week over spring break. The next year I wanted to go during the summer for two weeklong programs, but there were two days between the end of the first and beginning of the second. My parents didn't hesitate to allow me to stay in a hotel and explore the city on my own time, knowing that I'd get myself back to the hotel safe at night and feed myself.</p>
<p>It's up to the child to demonstrate maturity. After the parents trust the kid, then the curfew can be lifted. In the OPs situation, it seems the former has not occurred and therefore the latter has not occurred either.</p>
<p>I think the answer is really simple. If you trust him, let him do as he pleases and let him make his own decisions. If you think think he is capable of making rational choices, then set down some rules. I don't live in Manhattan, but if he's coming home at 6 AM, I highly doubt he's been out playing board games all night.</p>
<p>I agree with Cards4Life when he says that people mature at different ages. By enforcing a curfew, you will be able to keep him in line, but he won't necessarily become more mature. The thing is, since your son is 20, it's already too late for this. What you do to him at this point won't really have a huge impact on his behavior. If you set a curfew, he will have a harder time engaging in "bad" behavior such as drinking. However, he WILL fight back, and your relationship with him will suffer because of it. I don't want to sound like a D.A.R.E. counselor, but peer pressure is a pretty big factor in determining one's behavior. If your sons friends drink or do drugs, it is likely that your son does too.</p>
<p>My $0.02 is that if your son isn't doing anything bad other than coming home late at night and not divulging his personal life to you, just let him be. If his grades start dropping or he drops out of school, then a curfew wouldn't be of any help anyway.</p>
<p>put your boy to work.</p>
<p>I'm 20. I've never had a curfew (but never stayed out extremely late either), HOWEVER, if I go out my mom has always needed to know where I'm going, who I'll be with, and an estimated time that I'll be home. If any of that changes, she wants a phone call. Personally, I don't find that "out of control" or "crazy" or whatever. It's common courtesy, and it is a safety thing. And if I am coming home after everyone has gone to bed, I need to be quiet coming in. Not hard to do
And while I may have unlimited freedom at school, the reality is that when I'm home over breaks I'm living under my mom's roof, and it's her house, her rules. But she remembers what it's like to come home from college, so she's pretty lenient. She just wants to know where I am and when I'll be home. I really don't see the big deal</p>
<p>Yeah I really don't see the big deal either... if you're just going down the street.. to a bookstore.. to grab a meal with friends...to the beach.. I don't see why OMG WHY MUST MY MOM ASK ME, I AM MATURE AND SO SMRT (S-M-R-T!) it's so insane. In most cases, how hard is it to tell them? Sheesh.</p>
<p>Hmm.. at least you dont have a mom who expects you home at 7 p.m. I've never been the party kind- I surely characterize myself as a good kid in all respects. I will be leaving for college in the fall and my mom is still unbending about a little compromise....</p>
<p>I've waited patiently and have read every post here and wish to thank everyone for their opinions. Sorry I forgot to mention in my first post some necessary info, that my son lives on Campus and is only at home during the holidays, he has a 10-day off/on summer job, one at which he is very responsible, with everything else he is totally irresponsible. If he had been a responsible person then I would have no need to know of his whereabouts all the time but a person whether young or old should consider this, what happens if God forbid, something should happen and you turn up missing after a day or two?</p>
<p>When your parents call the Police and are asked, "Where did you leave home to go to" or "With whom did you plan to meet up with" or "Where should we start looking", what would you be able to tell them except "I don't know"! Doesn't help at all not knowing anything about the missing person, correct? </p>
<p>I had a talk with my son and told again [for the hundredth time] why we need to get a call or email from him when he's very late or when he will be spending the night somewhere, I told him I will give him one last shot at being responsible, if he doesn't do it then from then on he will have to provide an exact location or address, a phone number of the house he's visiting or a phone number of at least one person he will be hanging out with so it's his choice if he wants to be treated like an adult or not.</p>
<p>my opinion is that:
if he is in college, he should be left to his own judgement</p>
<p>if he is under your roof, you should be able to do what you see fit</p>