<p>Go! Like Thumper we had a friend to stay with and visit. The day we arrived (day prior to move-in) we picked up his stuff at B B & B and debated anything we might have missed. Next day dropped him off, helped move the stuff up two flights of stairs and met one of the two roommates. Once that was done, he said “See ya.” Made it clear that he wanted to spend time with roommates and dormmates. There were some parental activities and a convocation the following day so we stuck around and did some of those. The funny thing was he called us on his own the next day to say he wanted to show us around the campus (now that he was 24 hours wiser). Made my wife very happy and she got her tearful goodbye then.</p>
<p>I would go, 90% of the kids have parents there. Just don’t linger past the time when you are welcome. (In general the colleges make that pretty clear.) At our my son’s college freshmen move in on Sunday - there is an lunch that parents are welcome to attend - kids eat supper with parents and then they are expected to leave while the kids have an evening dorm activity that is the start of orientation. My son’s roommate’s parents were from Korea and they were both there.</p>
<p>As an incoming college freshman, I would say go, but don’t linger. I think it’ll be easier to have at least one parent there (don’t bring the whole family, though).</p>
<p>However, my dad drove himself to college (Massachusetts to Colorado, sans parents)- and he turned out fine.</p>
<p>Yes, go. I wouldn’t expect your s to articulate that he wants you there, and he may not even think he cares at this point. My ds seemed very relaxed and placid about the whole thing, but on moving day I could see the occasional flicker of anxiety on his face and I think it would’ve been very discomfiting for him to be alone.</p>
<p>go, everymomf a son I know, there son was happy mom or dad was there</p>
<p>boys suprise you, they really appreciate moms, but may not know how to say it, if you tell him its important to YOU, he will be glad to include you in his adventure!!</p>
<p>Go. Check in will be a little crazy, and if it’s like where my son is going to school, you are under a time limit for parking. So an extra body will be very helpful.</p>
<p>These days so many kids DO come with their parent(s) and sometimes entire family. OUr entire family (hubby, me & sib) went for each move-in for each kid. We are glad we were all there and part of the memory. We had a short vacation and visit with friends in the area before S (the older of our kids) moved in. We moved him in & then took him shopping for anything else needed. We also took him to doc appts so he could establish rapport with docs in the area.
For D, we did the same, except we stayed at S’s apartment for the 1st 2 nights, since it was closer to campus than our friend’s house. Our flight was cancelled but S & D were on different flights & got picked up by our friends, fed dinner & taken to S’s apartment. S made sure D got to her orientation the next morning & we arrived later the 2nd night. We all helped D move in & she really appreciated it since she moved in when there were very few on campus (it was January). We took our kids out to eat when they were interested but otherwise left them to make friends & bond with others on campus. We did NOT help the kids for other years, unlike some we know who are there to help them move out at the end of the year & help them when they move into new quarters the next year, etc. Our D’s room mate’s folks are going to be up to help the girls move into their new apartment. S was fine moving on his own from his dorm to his apartment & then his next apt & now his 3rd aprt. He also moved in just fine for his aprt on the East Coast for his summer internship (tho he is having a lot of hassles from his uncooperative landlady).
I think our kids appreciate us being there the 1st time but hovering is definitely a BAD idea. Both kids agree with these views.</p>
<p>Ask your son, insist that he answer honestly, and act accordingly. 1,600 miles is a lot. Maybe because I’m not a parent I don’t understand, but your son probably is eager and excited to meet the people he’ll be spending the next year with, his need for you, emotionally, probably won’t be very high. You might be disappointed in his reaction to you, which, is quite understandable, but disappointing nevertheless, considering you’ve taken care of him for 18 years. </p>
<p>Take him out to a nice dinner/lunch with your husband before he leaves. Make it special. Maybe give him a sentimental gift you know he’ll appreciate at the airport.</p>
<p>He will definately be okay w/out you being there, but if you want to go you should. We took our daughter last year and really glad we did. There are many events for parents during orientation and I think it will make you feel more secure with your’s son new home and him being at college. I agree w/ the other posts that stated that your son will secretly enjoy you being there. If you don’t feel you will regret your decision. If he hasn’t come out directly that tell you he doesn’t want you to go, then you should go and enjoy your time.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone that you should go! I’ve always taken a trip to Target or Walmart too, to pick up odds and ends including snack stuff and hot chocolate for them, a medicine kit, etc. (And I get some pictures on move-in day, which my kids hate but tolerate in exchange for the shopping trip.) </p>
<p>One year I had an experience with another parent who took over the kids’ room, moving their furniture and even their stuff around. Somehow in the moves this parent’s kid ended up with the “best” bureau, the “best” desk, the “best” position of the bed under the window, and the “best” closet. All the time this parent was moving the kids’ things, the parent was attempting to vigorously interrogate my kid about his SATs, position on study and bed times, attitude towards drinking, religion, political leanings, etc. It felt as though this parent was ready to run to the Housing Office if any answer was unacceptable. My kid thanked me when we were leaving for helping to handle this uncomfortable situation.</p>
<p>Another point of view:</p>
<p>I’m a west coaster and both my kids started school on the east coast. I did fly out with my son, which surprised him – but honestly we sniped at each other the whole time. I’m glad that I did go-- it helped me to be able to see the college, see where he would be living, attend the orientation activities for parents. </p>
<p>But my 2nd kid – daughter - did not want me to come with her and by that point I agreed that I wouldn’t be much help. She did just fine on her own and I’m glad I wasn’t caught up in the mess of move in day – instead I waited until later to fly out to visit her, at a time when she was well settled, I could meet some of her friends and some of her profs, and there was no need to clear out at any particular time. So the bottom line is: you do not have to go.</p>
<p>There will be some other kids without parents, and they have the advantage of less chance of embarrassment by something their mom says and does right in front of their roommate. (And face it… there’s a lot of temptation to say something maudlin about your “baby” that is sure to embarrass).</p>
<p>So … ask your kid what he would prefer. Don’t set up the question in a way that puts him on the spot – ask something like, “Do you want me to come to help you move in, or would you rather I wait until later in the semester to come visit you?” (That way its a choice that doesn’t include the option of possibly hurting your feelings – you’ve made it clear that you will come, its just a matter of when).</p>
<p>Since we had little ones at home, DH took the oldest 3 boys to school without me. I said goodbye at the driveway. He did all the heavy lifting anyhow to get them up the stairs into the dorm rooms (elevators are notoriously slow and overcrowded on move in day). After schlepping everything, they said “bye” and did not even want to go to dinner. They were ready to settle themselves and start getting to know folks be on their own, etc. We went later to do dinner and make sure BB&B and Target were done. </p>
<p>For DD on the other hand, we flew with her, provided the extra free bags (SW) for her to take things. Went a day early to do the BB&B. Helped her move in. Then the school kicked us out and out of sight after lunch. </p>
<p>It really depends on the kid. If you go all the way there and he does not want you around after the physical act of moving in, are you going to feel better or worse? I agree with calmom. Give him a choice of when he will see you.</p>
<p>OP-- I seem to recall your S visited several of his potential choices for college sans parents. Did he ever express any difficulty or concern about having to do that without you being there and assisting? If he seemed to have handled these visits OK, you might want to at least ask him what his preference is about move-in. </p>
<p>And, if you are concerned about whether you need to be there in part because “everyone else” has their parents there, call the school and ask. You may be surprised. They will tell you what really happens and what is available to assist students who do not have parents attend.</p>
<p>He probably knows who his roommate(s) is and you could find out if those parents are going to be there. One parent (or set) with a car to do the “go gets” allows for this to happen w/o the experience of 3 or 4 parents hanging in a dorm room with 2 18 yo males who really may be more interested in just dropping their stuff in the room (to be “arranged” by them “later”) and starting to roam around and see what’s happening. </p>
<p>Parents who aren’t really wanted at move-in can have a pretty miserable time, as does their kid. I recommend letting this new young adult have a say in whether you make this trek. </p>
<p>BTW–I didn’t think that my S would want any assistence with the 800 mile move, turns out I was incorrect. He asked me to drive him over. Do not linger. FWIW–I think that any parental “dream” of this event as “wonderful” for the parent is risky.</p>
<p>I went with D and it was great! Maybe it’s different with boys - I don’t know. But most of the boys had someone there to help move in. Since I rented a car, it was easy to do the Wal-Mart/Target/Linens N Things runs when necessary. What I loved was that the parents met each other and we took the kids out for a nice dinner. And whenever I ached for my D, I “saw” her in her new room, and it made me more comfortable. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. And even if he might not appreciate it now, someday, whenever, there will always be the thought that “my parents did everything for me - they even helped move me in.” It is something that you can share when you talk, becaus eyou have seen it, met the roommates, floor mates, their parents, etc. It made me fell more a part of the whole experience.</p>
<p>I’d say go with your spouse if possible and plan on doing other things in the area but be available.</p>
<p>07DAD,</p>
<p>Yes, DS has made two trips on his own to the east coast without me and he was fine. In fact, when I texted or called to check on things, he seemed a little annoyed. After that, I waited for him to call or text. He definitely wants to be independent. I am getting that vibe. </p>
<p>I have a home office and have been here every step of the way since kindergarten, but I am not a helicopter parent either. </p>
<p>He works full time as a beach lifeguard and has much responsibility in his job. He takes himself to and from work and manages his own money. He has worked as a camp counselor, sailing instructor, or lifeguard full time in the summers since he was 14. He is not a needy young man in any sense of the word.</p>
<p>All his ducks are in a row. Deadlines have been met, no holds, full scholarship money posted, etc. I know he doesn’t NEED me for anything at this point. I did point blank ask him if he felt like he wanted company on the trip to move in and his response was that if I wanted to it would be fine, but he would be fine either way.</p>
<p>I have noticed this summer and really since May, that he is coming home for less periods of time, helping friends in need, going on weekend trips, etc. I read somewhere that this is their way of preparing us for what is to come. I cried a lot in the spring, but now I am almost ready for him to go. Hope that doesn’t sound horrible. I just don’t want not going to be one of those things that comes back to haunt me.</p>
<p>Thanks for all your responses. I like all the different perspectives. I am leaning on the not going because he’s a guy and so independent right now.</p>
<p>Then take him to his favorite restaurant the night before he leaves…and wish him well. Tuck a little note into his suitcase when he’s not looking. We did that for DS and he really appreciated finding it when he unpacked (this was when he left for his first job). We also included a small check with our note telling him that he could use it for those forgotten items!!</p>
<p>Jewels-08:</p>
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<p>He sounds like a great young man. I’d assume that he meant what he said about having an opinion on whether you come to move-in. IMO-so, go if you want to, but with the caveats about lingering and expectations</p>
<p>My son1 said the same thing, he’d be fine but if I wanted to come to do it. His school is also 1,000+ miles away. My husband made the trip. Glad I did. I had not gone to the college visit to this school and I couldn’t live without having a “mental picture” of where he was. We helped unload and it was obvious he didn’t need my help or want my help so I did the Walmart/Target run. I hugged him, we skipped the parent orientation stuff and took off for a mini vacation. I don’t regret it at all and have already put S2 on notification that we will “go with him” wherever he goes next fall. To me, it’s the transition point from “mom” to “mother.”</p>
<p>None of us were able to help our oldest move into her college and I still regret it six years after the fact. It was not that she needed us but I always felt that I missed something that the other parents knew because we missed the parents orientation. We never met her roommates and since she was not (still is not) a good communicator it was very difficult to picture in my head what her new home and life was like.</p>
<p>It’s not really a matter of the student being capable, but there is so much to do in a short period of time, it’s nice to have someone else helping out. I think it’s pretty common for the kids to think it’s weird to be accompanied by a parent but since the majority are, it’s probably a blessing when the actual event is happening. It’s not as if your son can ask another parent to go with them to Target to get a needed missing item. JMHO.</p>