Ds is a junior. He wants to go to college, but is not showing any interest in the application process.
He studied hard for the SAT and brought his scores up quite a bit. He said he’s willing to study again to see if he can grab another 100 points. He wants to be more competitive for scholarships.
However, he has no interest in college visits. I want him to apply to a few summer programs - a couple for business majors and one for engineering - just to see if he is exposed to something that grabs his interest. He’s not interested at all and just wants to work this summer.
Money is a huge factor for us, so he while he doesn’t have to have his whole life planned out his first year of college, he won’t have a ton of time to explore and figure things out. He needs to get out of there in 4 years. He understands that.
Dh suggested just forcing him to do some college visits, and also suggested filling out the summer program apps for him, having him write his own essays, of course.
I kinda feel he might actually enjoy the campus visits and programs if we get him there. OTOH, since he’s not interested, I’m wondering if I just let him do things his way and stop pressing.
There are too many stressed out kids. I would visit local colleges or ones you can visit in a day trip, just to get a feel for size and locale. Have him bring a friend. If he doesn’t want to do a summer program and would rather work - OK. See if you can introduce him to people working in a variety of fields and maybe arrange you own job shadow day.
My DS participated in a mentorship program at our church as a freshman in HS and it exposed him to many careers options.
Could you pair a visit with something else? D19 took awhile to get interested in college trips because the whole idea was stressing her out. We did a weekend with college tour on Saturday and an amusement park on Sunday (she loves roller coasters). That somehow took the pressure out of it.
I know with my DS he would have put it off until it was too late logistically. He kept saying he wanted to go but “not now.” He wasn’t thinking ahead to how hard it might be to schedule visits etc especially if he waited until Fall of senior year.
We did talk about schools and worked on a list but I scheduled the first few tours. I got some groans when I said we would be going but later he thanked me and said the visits were really helpful narrowing down where to apply. Good luck!
Perhaps the question is, are there things about colleges that only a visit can determine that significantly matter in his choice of college? If he is not all that picky and just wants an affordable school with his intended major, visits may not be especially valuable for him.
I’d insist that he at least go to one local college visit with you. Just one can break the logjam. Some kids are secretly anxious about visiting. Once he’s been on a tour, to an info session, etc, he may be more willing to let you plan a few more visits.
@ucbalumnus That’s a good point. I honestly don’t think he cares that much where he goes. I made a college list for him and he crossed off the 3 financial reaches (would require winning competitive scholarships) and said they were too pricey. He otherwise seemed uninterested in the list.
He’s very laid back. I just worry that he’s going to miss out on some opportunities.
My son was the same way – we took him to see some local schools, he was meh. Then he attended a summer program and was sold on attending that school – it is his first choice. Some kids it just takes time.
For those of you who suggest visiting, would you only visit local colleges that he is considering or would you visit any local college? He was invited to a special day at SMU with college planning classes, lunch, tour, etc. He’s not even applying to SMU (too pricey), but I thought it would be nice for him to spend a day on a college campus and get a feel for the experience. The school is just a 45 min drive from our house, which is a normal amount of driving for where we live.
Or would it be better to set up something with the local schools that are on his list?
My advice is to cool it off a bit. If you push too hard, he’ll simply push back.
Do your homework. Get together a list of schools that seem like a good fit for him, in terms of grades, finances, interests. Base the grades on his current SAT scores, with one or two reaches in case those scores do go up. Consider requesting information on them, to be mailed to him at home. See if it piques his interest.
And there’s a lot to be said for working this summer. I’m a big proponent of high school kids having jobs. When your boss’s mortgage depends on his income from your job, he’s going to be a whole lot less understanding than your teachers will. I think it teaches kids so very much about responsibility that can’t be taught in school.
If he’s not excited to be doing the visits, I wouldn’t waste one on a throwaway school, regardless of the convenience. Don’t use up his limited patience with the process on a school he’s not going to attend.
My son was the same way. The entire application process was miserable. But we got him to visit schools by asking him: What are your plans after high school? You need a plan because everyone has to find meaningful work. If you don’t want to go to college, what do you want to do? What skills do you need to have a career you like?
@jazzymomof7, the day at SMU sounds perfect for a fist visit. It will give him a sense of whether he likes the idea of a small, medium or large School. Urban vs suburban vs rural. I’m sure they will eat in the cafeteria and get a good sense of General likes and dislikes. My D17 and I visited a local university which was perfect for her, but I knew she would never apply since she wanted to go away for school. Still, knowing things she liked was important in crafting a list and then spending money on plane tickets, etc to visit schools that were far away.
If money is a big factor, then perhap spending money for summer campus visits (when there are few students around and classes are not in session) or to attend university summer programs isn’t the best use of your limited assets.
Neither of my kids did summer visits.
If money is a deciding factor, you and your son are better off to be flexible and to research financial aid prospects-- for example, that extra 100 points on an SAT could translate to merit aid dollars at some campuses.
There is a huge amount of information about college campuses available online including plenty of video tours.
Kids and parents end up making decisions based on visits that are often based on impressions that really aren’t representative of what the student’s experience would be at that school. Summer is a particularly misleading time to visit schools in colder climates, especially for students who are coming from warmer climates. (You mentioned in another thread that you were Texans)
Sounds like your son has a level head on his shoulders. There are some expenses that are necessary for college (like testing and application fees), and some that aren’t. The pre-applictation visit thing falls into the category of an optional expense.
My oldest did community college to state flagship. When considering schools for transfer, she had no interest in visiting any of the schools on her application list ahead of time. When she was accepted to her top pick, the state flagship, she went down for Admitted Student Day and was not disappointed. Done. Easy.
My youngest got overwhelmed & stressed out by the entire process, beginning to end. We were both miserable. We did visit some schools junior year so she could see a representative small LAC, a big state flagship, etc. Then we did a couple serious visits in fall senior year once we had honed in on the financial finalists.
I don’t know you or your son, but I think it’s perfectly fine if he skips the summer programs and works. Maybe he is telling you he wants the down time before starting college in the fall. Listen to him.
When you doubt what he is telling you, you are essentially telling him you don’t trust him to make good decisions - because he is not making the decisions that you want him to make. You want him to do the summer program, and want him to go on a bunch of college visits (and be excited about it!). That’s a tall order, if that is not what he wants to do.
Just help him with his long list. By August, you can have a short list for applications. He doesn’t HAVE to visit any of them.
It does seem that the importance of visits is overemphasized on these forums, even though, in real life, there are probably many students who do not visit their colleges until they have to go there for orientation, some administrative matters, or actual class (think of those who go to the local community college or state university). It is likely that most college students are not that picky, and/or cannot afford to be very picky.
On these forums, with the focus on small LACs and other residential schools where there are more factors beyond affordability and academic programs, the value and perceived value of visits may be higher. That much of the forum population includes higher achieving students with higher income parents means more choice with fewer constraints, so such students can afford to be more picky if they want. But there are also posts describing how students on college visits came away with negative impressions for superficial semi-random things (e.g. bad weather on the day of the visit).
Perhaps if one does visit, the student and parents should research beforehand what they want to look for at each school that is not findable on the web site or other resources. The things to look for may be different at each school. Then the visits may give more value, with less influence from superficial semi-random things.
Lots of kids don’t visit colleges until after they are accepted.
Re: that SMU day…Is skip that because he has no intention of applying there.
We paired initial college visits with family vacations. Are you driving anywhere near a college sometime soon? If so…make an appointment for an info session and tour. If your son is being financially practical…then try to pick a place he might be interested in attending. We did this with our kids…and each one applied to one college on that first family vacation trip…that just happened to have some colleges on the way.
College visits can be overwhelming before you have any idea what you want. They are supposed to help but it can make a kid feel like they are supposed to have it all figured out.
We took a low key road trip around the state as a family vacation and stopped by a few different “types” of schools but we don’t visit schools generally until acceptance and financials come in. It’s just a budget concern for us.