I think a lot of smart and motivated students are not interested in the college search process or are intimidated by it. If you are willing to do the research and can try to make it fun, it seems like you could get him to go on a couple of day trips. I like the idea of tying in a fun activity or having him bring a friend. My D17 was so busy with school and drama rehearsals that she didn’t have time or interest in researching colleges. She was open to going to visit but really didn’t know what she wanted and hadn’t heard of many of the schools we visited. She did eventually put the work into her applications with a lot of pushing, reminders and guidance and ended up with great results.
S19 on the other hand, has no interest in college visits, thinks they are a waste of time, and thinks that people who worry about schools being a good fit are whiners. So, I’ve got my work cut out for me. :((
I think your son is pretty normal. Good luck!
Perhaps you have it easy if he is not picky. If his notion of “fit” is that it is affordable and has good programs in his intended or possible majors (and the majors are not highly competitive to get into), then that makes the college selection process easier.
Your work will be harder if he is picky enough that his preferences point to schools that are unlikely for admission and/or too expensive, so that any more realistic school is an undesirable compromise.
My son, a junior, wasn’t interested, but I’m his mom and he knew resistance was futile. Plus, I said if he didn’t want to visit any, that was fine, but it will be me basically choosing which colleges he applies to. He has found it interesting and enlightening, despite himself. I took him to a couple of colleges I was sure he would love, and it worked. He can now see himself on a college campus, whereas before, college was just an unvisited place in the distant future.
Kids get a say in what they choose to do or not to do, within reason. Unless my son plans on being self-sufficient when he turns 18, we have reasonable expectations for what he does. If he’s not going to college, he needs to come up with a better plan. Until then, he doesn’t get to indulge a lack of interest.
With my eldest, I said “Go make a list of colleges to visit during Spring Break” and she did. She loves to research stuff on the internet. With my youngest, I tried the same thing, but nothing really happened…I had taken her to our State Flagship U over Junior year fall break and also a smaller public school…so she knew she didn’t like big schools. I took her to the library to look at Fiske guides and the like and to just have her concentrate on that…but at some point she said “You like to look stuff up on the internet…can you make me a list.” So I did, based on her desire to be within 2 hours of home, not a huge school, not in the city…and affordable (for me). She ended up applying ED to the small public school (which I thought she would like) and is thriving.
So try to figure out what the issue is:
- Overwhelmed on where to even look for info?
- Not sure what they wants in a college ? I would just pick the State Flagship, a smaller public and a LAC nearby and do a tour to see what is interesting to them.
- Not sure if she wants to go to college right now? Is she overwhelmed with school?
- Not sure if she wants to go to college at all?
What I would suggest;
Forget the summer programs. Working is fine for the summer…colleges just want to see you do something productive.
Visit your State Flagship and also a smaller school over spring break at a minimum. Then ask him what he liked/didn’t like about those colleges.
Skip SMU. It’s a reach school that he has no desire (at this moment) to attend. What would you do if he went and fell in love with a school there is no way you could afford? Then, you would have to disappoint him.
Have him make a small list and start visiting them if you happen to be near them. If not, don’t stress it.
What opportunities? If he’s very laid back, I doubt he would care if he misses out on some opportunities. BUT, opportunities are what you make of them. They’re everywhere. As long as he’s at a college where he’s happy and thriving, he’ll be OK.
He can go on visits of his top choices once he has a few acceptances in.
There are “opportunities” to be had at EVERY college.
Same here. S just did not seem interested. We finally told him (told…not asked) we had a college visit set up, and the visit completely turned around his attitude. He became excited about college once he saw the campus and spoke with current students.
I would set up a visit to a potential college, and I would force it. Meet with admissions, get the formal campus tour, and ask to meet with a couple of current students over coffee or lunch. His senior year will be a busy one, and it gets only more difficult to visit colleges. I wish we would have started sooner.
The problem is that your son is not filling out any college applications, if I understand correctly, so that waiting for acceptances is a moot point.
Because he wants to retake the SAT for a substantial (100 points) score increase to enhance scholarship chances, he may be dealing with a fear of rejection or failure. Or he may be feeling guilt over the cost of attending college.
I do not have any suggested answer, I just am trying to define the problem.
Well, maybe one suggestion. Just pick out a low cost option & tell him that he only needs to apply to one school. Once done, it should be very easy to apply to additional schools if he so chooses. Your son may be a bit overwhelmed by the process & by the number of choices.
I just meant that it is ok to wait on visiting a school until AFTER acceptance.
I agree, but he won’t have any acceptances if he doesn’t apply to at least one college or university.
Okay, so I reread the original post in this thread. As a junior it is too early to apply. So I think that we agree that it is fine to visit after accepted.
The problem with waiting until after acceptance, IMO, is that you’ll have the same lack of motivation with the applications and essays. Please just schedule a visit and make him go. He may have a fear of the unknown, but once he sees kids like himself doing well and happy, it may motivate him to start taking some ownership in the process.
OP said they both worked on the application list and the son took off the pricey reaches.
He seems invested in the process, just doesn’t want to visit at this time for some reason.
So maybe he just needs some time, or when it is time to apply, getting acceptances might make the decision process real to him.
My son was very much the same way. He wanted to go to a 4 year school and not live at home. I put together a list, he went through it and we visited a few. He was recruited by one small LAC, so he was motivated to see that and that helped him realize he wanted something bigger. We did a couple of state schools close by over the summer between junior and senior year, then accepted student days after he was accepted. He was much more motivated then because he knew he had to decide. He ended up at a state school where he’s very happy. Not everyone needs to visit a ton of schools and agonize!
@jazzymomof7 we’ve taken S18 on college visits, he’s been to college camps, he’s applied and been accepted, and he is still uninterested in making a decision. I’ve given him a deadline because he just doesn’t work well without one. I share your frustration!
What schools on the list are within driving distance?
I’m getting a head start with my two younger DDs. We did a day trip to Austin, stopped at Buc-ee’s for fudge, and drove around the UTx campus. I pointed out that it was a great school, nice city, students looks relaxed, and the university close but not too close to home. I don’t think they would even call it a college visit.
Has your kid actually never set foot on a college campus?
If the nearest school is within an hour’s drive, it may be useful to look at events on campus he may be vaguely interested in. Look at their website for any plays, lectures, art exhibits, museum showings, robotics competitions, or sports events that dovetail with his personal interests. My kid was not interested in visiting colleges until I took him to a play at our nearby state school. I studied the campus map ahead of time, then we got there an hour early and used that time to drive around, then got to the theater early enough to talk to the professor and several of the students who had done tech.
Being physically present on campus helps demystify things, and meeting actual students who are relatively friendly and interested in the same things your kid is interested in can make a difference. I encourage campus visits. I didn’t give the kid a choice the first time in.
My husband didn’t come with us for the first 5 campus visits we made. He started to come along on the more recent ones. He now has some strong opinions about which school the kiddo should apply to.
Well, you should tell your son to show interest or pay for college himself! That is what I did. My son is COMPLETELY interested in college because he knows he can’t afford it himself. You have the power hear darling.