I would just go visit some local easy local options that might fit a certain type of school. Like large urban public, small rural public, urban small LAC, rural midsize LAC, a religiously affiliated school, etc just to get the feel what different options might be like and don’t spend more than a couple hours if he’s not into it. Do the info session and the tour. Tell your tor guide you may need to slip out early and do so if it is boring, etc.
I think boys can still be changing a lot these years. My junior has done a number of college tours and we’re doing a road trip soon but to call him excited about it would be a gross overstatement. He is very interested in going to college and in some very particular schools though so I do think it’s worth it to muscle through a bit. We’re getting better at taking the interesting parts and leaving the less interesting parts behind. He is most interested in having tours and meeting with a particular department. The general tours and info sessions bore him to tears. That said, as a parent, I do like the info sessions. Mixed results on student led tours. I think there’s some value of wandering around on your own to get a vibe.
We are definitely holding off on visiting some further flung options.
I wouldn’t force a summer program. I think they’re money makers for the schools. If students are into them and you have the cash, fine. But that is a good chunk of change toward actual tuition and if he doesn’t want to be there anyway. Having a summer job and maybe finding some other positive outlets near home isn’t a bad thing for summer either. Are there are other shorter term academic offerings closer to home that might let him explore without that level of commitment. My junior actually solidified his major direction at an 8 day workshop near home last summer.
It’s ok to tell him he’s taking a gap year if his enthusiasm for applying doesn’t pick up by fall or he doesn’t have an easy path toward an affordable option that works for all of you.
As evidenced my the many posts, this is a common issue (I won’t say problem, just an issue that can be dealt with). My S was exactly the same in terms of getting the ball rolling. It forced me to get more involved than I would have liked to in terms of keeping him on track with deadlines, essays, etc.
We started early by sneaking in the occasional college visit during a family vacation. Always made a habit of driving by the local college if it was convenient. By summer of rising junior yr, we made a few official visits (again on vacation) in an area where he was interested in living. Then we made the list and spent the next summer visiting many colleges that were fits. He decided which ones to apply to…and then lethargy set in again. All summer long I was on him to start essays as it would be much harder once school started. After sooo many "I will"s, had to sit him down and explain what was involved. Kind of worked it backwards. You want to go to college X, we need to pursue scholarships, in order to do that, application has to be in by 11/1. In order to do that, essays have to be finished by 10/15 so we can review again. In order to do that, you need to start at least 30 days ahead. Also you’ll need LOR’s by a certain date. In order to do that, you need to ask for them 30 days ahead of time… You get the point.
S is a very smart, hard working, responsible kid. Great with time management. Always has been. Even so, we had to crack the whip to get him seriously involved. The reality is we are looking at their situation through our eyes. Hard to see it through the lense of a kid who is busy with sports, leadership, school, etc. We know what it will take. They don’t.
With us and many others, it took an intervention to get his attention. “S, you’re great and we love you…blah blah blah…but we need you to take this seriously and give it the level of attention it deserves. Let’s discuss your college aspirations. Let me explain what needs to be done in order for you to reach your goals” . Because they really don’t get it. Little things (that are huge) like following up with a teacher for a LOR when you still don’t have one 30 days out. For many, it’s simply the first time they’ve had to do something like this. Unfortunately I think it’s normal. Certainly is common.
If you do go for visits, start with realistic affordable safeties and matches. Starting with unaffordable schools and reaches can lead to unrealistic expectations and let-downs later.
My younger son not really interested until we offered to take 2 friends along. 2 girls - then he was all in. We had a great campus visit and they all really enjoyed it.
Finally had a chance to talk to ds about everything. He agreed that he and his sister will go to the SMU day. They’ll be with a bunch of other high school kids and will attend sessions on the college app process and some career stuff, eat lunch, and do a tour. I hope it will encourage him to take some ownership in the app process, and he’s very practical so I’m not at all concerned he’ll develop any unrealistic ideas.
I told him that if he finds it to be a complete waste of time, we won’t schedule anymore visits until we know where he’s accepted and what the final cost will be, and he’s deciding between the top 2 or 3 choices. I’ll also drop all the summer camp talk and not bother him about it again.
On his end, he agreed that if he enjoys the visit, he’ll write the essays needed to apply to a few free summer camps I found that I think might help him hone in on a major. All we’ll be out is gas money, if he gets in. And if he doesn’t get in, then it wasn’t meant to be so no big deal.
Thanks all for the advice! I can’t believe these teens. I thought toddlers were difficult, but teens win without question!
Teens are big babies facing some adult choices. They have reached a new point where they don’t know what comes next. Simple things we take for granted having lived. They are excited but afraid.
About two years ago DH talking to our three about college, majors, careers. (DH has known is career interest since elementary school.) A simple talk when off the rails because the children lacked experience and DH was ahead of their pace. They didn’t know any college students at the time.
The oldest, DS, got a little upset because he didn’t have a plan. I explained that he just needed to continue to do well in school and all that would come later. DD#2 was only 12, but knew what she want to study and had a dream college. She suddenly got very upset because she thought she would be homeless and out of the family after college graduation. She had no idea what happened next. I explained that we would all be there and we would take her home with us or to set up her new grown up apartment, and would always be there for them.
Thoughts: Back off a little. There is plenty of time, one does not have to attend (often costly) summer programs to gain admission to a good college. Your DS’s peers will move along in the process and his interests will grow along with theirs. If he has shown the interest and discipline to practice for the SATs, he will come along and be just fine. Sounds like you have a great kid. Congrats!
@calmom I think I like the idea of a precollege summer camp because I went to one at his age and had ao much fun! I also really want him to get a feel for his intended major.
There are some free camps within easy driving distance, but he’ll have to apply to get in. I won’t be disappointed if he doesn’t get in, but I think it will be fun and maybe light a fire under him. He’s also never been away from home without dh or me longer than and overnight visit with friends so I think that would be good for him, as well.
As for job, right now he is refereeing soccer games on the weekend. He’ll start looking for a summer gig in May. Last summer he did 30 hrs a week at a pizza place.
My son didn’t make any pre-application visits to colleges for purposes of deciding where to apply. He thought he knew enough about how colleges and college towns look. We live in a college town, he did a summer debate camp in another, he participated in high school debates at a few more, he went with me to an alumni summer program at my alma mater after his sophomore year. He did apply to several colleges and got into some very fine ones. I don’t think visits are essential for purposes of deciding where to apply, but they can be helpful.
My daughter, on the other hand, did visit several art colleges, and got into all she applied to – two of which she had not visited beforehand. The visits were important to her, and also reassuring to her parents who wanted to see how stand-alone art colleges worked.
I didn’t do much college visiting. I just applied to a couple colleges (two colleges - one I’d never even been to). Selected one to attend and then chose to bloom where I was planted. It worked just fine for me. It may work just fine for you son since he’s not interested in visiting schools.
Can be quite frustrating. My wife had to keep telling me to “let it go”. She jokes that I became a college coach and I reply that I’m glad I did or he might not be in college right now. Of course, an exaggeration, but I’d be curious to see where he landed without the guidance. We’ll never know…
The interesting thing is D2 (3 yrs younger) took notice of the whole experience. She’s starting to get all the junk mail and is actually talking to me about it. Could be the kid or simply 2nd time around. Probably a bit of both.
Your family is very generous about supporting kids through the post-college transition. It’s great that the subject came up so the kids will know that they don’t have to worry about that part of the process. Some kids do have to worry because their parents can’t or won’t help them at that stage.
We picked a list of colleges we could afford without an assumption of merit. (Son was a solid student, 3.5 UW, 9 APs to include Calc & Physics, 1300 SATs) He provided basic guidelines on size of school, location and potential majors) I then provided a list to him of various colleges (8) that “fit” and asked which he would like to apply to after he did some research. After acceptances were received from the colleges, we visited those and made a decision. We did not do a bunch of visits to schools that were too expensive or that he wasn’t accepted to prior to applying. This eliminated him “falling in love” with one school, and then being disappointed if not accepted. This is just how we handled it, obviously, each parent has their own approach. Best of luck to you.
“Precollege summer camp” was never something on our radar, so that’s why I was a little puzzled.