I’m a second-semester freshman and I’m feeling very lonely. During first semester, everyone was really friendly and I made a lot of friends, but after that first rush, people don’t seem to be interested in making friends anymore. I stopped getting invited to events, people stopped saying “hi” back when I greet them, and I get the feeling that my friend group is trying to push me out (not adding me to their group chat, going to dining hall without me, posting pictures of doing things together that I didn’t know about, etc).
I tried joining clubs and groups, but they seem to be mostly upperclassmen who already have extremely close friends, or freshmen who joined with their friends. I quit club sports because I was nowhere near as good as the other players. The people on my hall, my roommate included, are the heavy partying and womanizing type, and I don’t get along with them too much. My RA is all but absent and doesn’t plan any activities for us.
The friends I made during orientation have all gone and found new friends; we still talk when we see each other on the bus, but we never hang out anymore. My classmates from high school no longer acknowledge me. I had a close friend in my first semester, but I no longer have any classes with her and that has practically ended our friendship.
I like this college, and I love my classes. But it’s getting very tiring to keep trying to make friends, when it seems like most people already have close friends and aren’t interested in making new ones. Right now I’m rushing a few fraternities, and if that doesn’t work out, I’m considering giving up on making friends entirely, holing up in the library and just working on my degrees. It’s what I did in high school, and it’s what I know how to do best.
Any advice? Should I just isolate myself and focus on my studies? If not, what should I do?
It must feel very lonely and I am sorry you are feeling badly. You sound like a really nice and smart person. All I can suggest is to keep showing up, definitely do not isolate, and make the best of your days. Eventually you will make a real friend. It can take some time. Please don’t give up.
My youngest kid changed friend groups a couple of times in college (really 3 times). The people she hung out with at first and met at orientation didn’t turn out to be a very nice or kind group. She found other friends in her dorm near the end of year 1 and beginning of year 2. Years 3 & 4 she met more people outside her dorm and started hanging out with them.
Your window to make friends is not closed. You should have some new classes this semester, which helps. Do you have a part time job? That is a good way to meet people. If you don’t have anyone to room with next year, look into the various housing options on or off campus. I lived in co-op housing for part of my time at a large university, and found the most friendly people there. Or you might try the sub-free dorm next fall if you want to stay in the dorms – you won’t have to deal with too much partying then. Try a different club or sport. I made a good friend in my new city when I met someone at an ongoing athletic class I took. She had a water bottle from a store in my home state, and we started chatting about that and then hanging out in class, then outside of class.
It takes a while to get to know people in clubs. I’m an adult, and started attending some events with a group I belong to when I moved to a new city 2 years ago. I found activities I liked, and people I liked (even though they had known each other a long time, and I felt like an outsider for a long time). They were perfectly nice to me, but just knew each other pretty well. After about a year, things started thawing more and I felt more a part of the group. In the last month, I’ve been invited to a couple different parties people in this group gave (not for group members, but for their friends). So… I’m just saying, don’t expect a new group to accept you right away. But if they are nice and accepting in general, and you like the activity, stick with it. You will likely notice one day that you have more to talk to them about, and maybe eventually make some real friends there.
Although both of my daughters made friends in their freshman dorms, virtually all their other college friends were friends through activities related to their major and most of those friendships did not begin until sophomore or ever junior year. One of my older d’s best friends she didn’t meet until second semester junior year.
I also encourage anyone to get involved in your school’s service organization. Every school has an organization that has food and clothing drives, tutoring/mentoring elementary school kids. Not only do you feel good about helping others you will meet like minded people sharing a common experience.
Other opportunities might be religious group/political organization/student government.
I’ve been thinking about giving up as well, but I’ve never really had close friends so my situation might be different. A part time job sounded like a good suggestion, especially if you could use the money…
I honestly kinda know what you are going g through… I feel like so an introvert, but really Anna make friends and not seem like such a loser in my eyes. It’s hard! But I’ll be your friend
I am in the exact same boat as you, it’s hard when friend groups have already formed and you can’t seem to click with anyone. I made one friend last semester but don’t hang out with him anymore, which sucks. I really strongly recommend hitting up the friend you made last semester and asking if she wants to get coffee, lunch, dinner, etc. You guys could even go to events and try to meet new people together. She might be lonelier than you think. Just because you might not have classes with this person anymore doesn’t mean that you can’t still be friends.
