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<p>Definitely if he is still participating in the music group. I don’t feel so strongly about someone who has been in the band for 3 years and then drops it entirely (not playing in any of the groups during senior year). They have moved on and don’t need the recognition.</p>
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<p>Ha! The school selects the RPI medal recipient!</p>
<p>I think that YOU should email the teacher and ask if this was oversight or policy. Say that you hope the same thing does not happen at the orchestra performance. You should say that a number of students and parents asked your son about it after the band event, and he didn’t know what to tell them and felt very uncomfortable. (If they are smart, they will realize that his having to say. “Since I’m not officially enrolled in the class this semester they won’t recognize me” will make THEM look foolish and petty.)</p>
<p>If he asks, he’ll feel petty and whiningish. If YOU ask, his dignity is spared and something might actually happen. You are the one that has to do it. And no, you are not being petty. If they choose to make a big fuss about senior status at these events, then it is their responsibility to get it right.</p>
<p>I have to tell you that my kid fell afoul of this kind of thing several times during his middle/high school career, and it always ticked me off. I never said anything about it, but subsequently I wished that I had.</p>
<p>The main reason to mention it is that the boy will be in a similar situation with this group again. f this were the end of the year and all was finished and overwith, then it wouldn’t need mentioning.
But I would definitely not take it as a slap in the face- give the school the benefit of the doubt that it was just an oversight until you know otherwise.
And I agree that there’s nothing wrong with a parent saying something. The event included parents- and they’re not supposed to notice when their kid is left out?</p>
<p>if the school selects the RPI medal winner then someone made a big mistake when making out the “awards” list. I just checked and our school does not participate in the RPI medal. It still may not be an award many of the school personel know about (though it should be)
Guess I’ll “remind” our school’s GC of S’s scholarship award before the awards ceremony. Still I bet they don’t mention it since it was not a community grant</p>
<p>As I said, I would “treat” it a an oversight, but it “feels” like a slap in the face to this family, and if it is not rectified and happens again, would be one.</p>
<p>I would call or email. My D would never contact the teacher, way too shy and hates anything that could be confrontational. Don’t let this give him bad feelings after so many good memories.</p>
<p>Re the RPI medal: the money is only awarded if the student applies to RPI, is accepted, and goes. </p>
<p>Did your kid enroll there? If so, sure it was a big oversight! If not, I don’t see any reason why it would be mentioned senior year, any more than a jr year book award is brought up again, or a merit award at any school that the student does not ultimately choose to attend.</p>
<p>At our school the RPI medal is awarded at an annual evening event involving all classes where NHS members are inducted, Jr book awards are given out, laureates on the various national languages exams are recognized, etc. I don’t think it was mentioned again at the seniors-only events–scholarships and awards are split between Class Day and Graduation–because none of the kids who have been awarded it in recent years have chosen to go there, and so none actually received the scholarship.</p>
<p>If something bothers S enough, he’ll speak up. So I would leave it up to him. However, if it bothered him and felt to shy or intimidated to say something, I would do a lot of behind the scenes coaching to get him through it. </p>
<p>They’ve got to learn to advocate for themselves in a non-confrontational manner and accept the outcome. It’s a good chance to practice with a teacher he knows.</p>
<p>I agree with North Minnesota. Don’t allow this to be unresolved and ruin all his good memories of contributing to the orchestra and band. While I agree, a kid has got to learn to advocate for himself, it does not have to be at this very instant. It will happen eventually and if he won’t advocate for himself now, what, if anything, is gained? However, if he desperately does not want your “help”, then do not do it.</p>
<p>I really do suggest using a nonconfrontational approach. More than likely, whoever arranged the senior recognition used the class list, and arranged for the video to be taken during class time. They probably forgot that the OP’s son was the only student participating in the orchestra who wasn’t taking the class.</p>
<p>Consolation, yes our son attended and graduated from RPI last year so he did use the associated $60k scholarship. However the main point of my post was to comment on the need to chill out about minor mistakes slights and oversights. Life is filled with them so why spend emotional energy fretting about such things. Its normal to be mildly disappointed, we cannot help that. But why let it linger. Shake it off and let go. Otherwise it eats at the soul.</p>
<p>Communicating with the teacher about it just makes it seem more important that it really is, at least to the student. An learning how to deal with and let go of this slight is lesson in life.</p>
<p>In the words of Sugarland, “(SHHH) It Happens”</p>
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<p>If being a graduating senior in the music program was minor, they wouldn’t make such a big deal recognizing them.</p>
<p>It’s not minor IMO.</p>
<p>It is probably those of us with kids in music programs who don’t think it is a minor slight. We know the effort and dedication it takes, so I guess that is why it feels like a bigger slight than it would seem</p>
<p>originaloog, I take your point, and if it were a one-time deal I’d say that there was nothing to do but shake it off.</p>
<p>The fact that the kid is now looking forward to another event at which the same thing might happen again makes it worth acting on in time to correct the error.</p>
<p>I don’t really think it’s an oversight. It is a big deal to honor those seniors. I don’t think a teacher would not go through the list before hand. I think the son was purposely left out because he wasn’t in the class. I would contact the teacher myself to explain to he/she how hurt the son was. If it was an accident then it could be made up to him at the next performance. But if it’s school’s policy, you may want to strongly suggest to them how wrong it is.</p>
<p>OP here. Thanks for the feedback. In my head I know this is not a big deal. But my heart just ached when my S talked about what happened (this from a guy who is extremely easy going). LOL about the mama-bear instinct! </p>
<p>On his own, my S will not confront his teacher about this (thats just the way he is). He would rather avoid the upcoming concert or put up with the perceived slight. In fact, he would be horrified if I am to relate his dismay to his teacher.</p>
<p>I know I am reacting more to his embarrassment than anything else. At least some of you agree that I am not being overly petty! I now feel either he or I need to say something to the teacher before the next concert. Ill discuss this with S. Maybe the horror of his mother talking to his teacher will motivate him to do the talking himself. One way or the other, I do not want this to become an unresolved issue in his last month of high school. It is not right having to dread going to the next performance. An upset kid cannot make good music.</p>
<p>If your kid has been in the band program for 3 years, I’ll bet you are on speaking terms with the band director. Why not speak to him? I’m sure that if it was an oversight, he deserves a chance to rectify it.</p>
<p>Yeah, only three years in the band program with significant involvement in the 4th - I’d forget about the kid too…</p>
<p>I hate it when negligent or spiteful people inflict pain on others.</p>
<p>S1 was in jazz band all four years of high school. His first three years he had a great director who really pushed all the kids and created great music. His senior year they got a new director who was fresh out of school. The new director took a dislike to a number of kids in the ensemble, mostly seniors, mostly rhythm section. My son as the only senior in the rhythm section got a double dose. The first concert my son’s name was left out of the program. When he said something to the director he was told it was just an oversight and would be corrected. Next concert his name was still not in the program, and his solo was not acknowledged. Again the director said it was just a mistake. Third concert, he was again not listed. This time other kids in band asked why my son was not listed. Director said he wasn’t sure, they must of just pulled the list from the first concert and not noticed that his name was missing. Final concert of the year was a more informal concert, kind of jazz cafe thing. The first night the director highlighted each of the seniors in the ensemble and had them stand up. Forgot my son. By this point in time not just my son, but most of the kids in the band were pretty upset by this all, but son had decided to just ignore a petty man. Second night when the director did the senior introductions he again forgot son. One of the band members muttered “you forgot son.” Director said " Oh yes, and son on bass." The kids in band all looked embarrassed for the man. After the final number the lead sax player stood up, pulled a bunch of flowers from off stage and stepped up to the mike. She made lovely speech about wanting to thank the man who had made jazz band so enjoyable and had taught them all so much. The director stood off to the side beaming. At the end of her speech she said, “So with deep thanks we, the entire band, present these flowers to … son” The director about fell off the stage. Son stepped forward laughing, gave her a big kiss and the band broke into song. The parents all applauded wildly. Son insists he knew nothing about this, but other parents told me that the kids had been planning it for weeks. The director was gone the next year.</p>