Should I transfer?

Parents Forum
1

I chose my current school after visiting maybe 3 schools, because I was “convinced it was where I wanted to go”. My 16 year old self wanted a life in New England and new friends who were “preppy” and “fun”.

Fast forward two years, and I am a second semester freshman and am inherantly unhappy.

There are some things I like about my school- I like my roommates, and a few of the friends I made. I know I’m not going to like everyone I meet, and while this particular student body is rather judgemental and rude I know it does not speak for the school.
I like how I’ve now adjusted to life here, and while I still think of life somewhere else, I am able to get out of bed most days and make it to class, excercise and go out.

I have always loved the south, but rejected the idea of going to school there because I am from New York, and the distance seemed too far. I did not like the idea that I would only be able to go home thanksgiving and Christmas, and that I would not see my parents as often.

However, despite being 3 hours away from home, I made it home just one other time that wasn’t thanksgiving and Christmas.

I do not dislike this school as much as I did during first semester. My classes are better, I have better friends, I’m more accostumed.

I could stay here at this 63,000 school for another four years, I’m sure. But the whole time, I would wonder what would have happened had I taken the opportunity to make college the best four years of my life instead of another four years in the journey. This school is definitely more mellow than what my friends at southern schools are experiencing and while the grass is not always greener and I cannot believe everything I see on social media, I often wonder what transferring would be like. I know it won’t solve the problems that I brought with me to college, but being cooped up in a cold dorm room, and hours of reading on the Bible ( my college is catholic) are getting really old.

My parents are urging me to leave, because they think I’m going too far into debt for a school that makes me unhappy. I have not applied to any schools because I am waiting for this one to get better, but what if it doesn’t?

Anyone know people who go to southern schools, and their thoughts? Is it worth it to transfer, or should I wait another year?

2

Are you the daughter who was seeing a therapist? If so, it’s a good idea to reach out to your parents. I’d consider withdrawing this semester if you still can. As a NYC resident, you’ll have options when you’re ready to return to school. But right now it sounds like you need a break.

3

No one except you can know (ultimately) whether you should transfer, but since your parents are supporting a possible move too, I’ll bite. I think that if you are going to do it, sooner is better than later, so that you have plenty of time to readjust and really feel you are a part of your new school. Of course, next fall would be the earliest you could go anyway. I transferred in the middle of sophomore year from a too-tiny southern LAC to a mid-sized Midwestern school and it was a great change. (I grew up in the south.) If your parents can afford it (and that’s always a big “if”) it can be interesting to live in a different region of the US for awhile. Then, if you don’t feel you like certain aspects of the regional culture you can always see the experience in hindsight as an educational thing and not a loss.

Are you looking for specific suggestions for schools? If so, we would need to know more specifics of what you are looking for…size, academic level, vibe, areas of study, city vs. town vs rural…how far, etc.

What exactly are you looking for or expecting in a southern school, as opposed to schools anywhere else? Weather, culture, or a stereotype you have in your mind? Are you looking for a school where predominantly southerners attend, or a mix of students from around the country?

4

Also, @skatergirl11, you might think about transferring to a school in the mid-Atlantic or upper south. That could still put you within a reasonable distance of home while providing slightly warmer winter and a somewhat more laid-back culture (depending on the school, of course) while avoiding extremes.

Spending lots of time in a cold dorm room doesn’t sound good. Is it more your mood, or the requirements/limitations of your school that makes this so? Are there any fun places/activities that truly make you happy at your present location? What kind of change of environment do you think would make a difference for you? Or do you think you are homesick? It looks as if you originally applied to Fordham…would you be better off closer to home?

5

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My parents are urging me to leave, because they think I’m going too far into debt for a school that makes me unhappy. I
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How much are you borrowing each year???

How much will your parents pay each year if you transferred? Transferring to another school, or a southern school may mean a lot of debt, too. What is your home state?

6

I think it’s worth it to at least explore your options. The grass isn’t always greener, but sometimes it is. I would go down the dual path of looking at and applying to some new schools while also keeping a very open mind with respect to your current school. I think after this semester you’ll have a pretty good idea if your current school is where you want to be for the next three years, but if it’s not you’ll have some options. If you’re going into a lot of debt for your school, you might want to transfer to a school that fits you but is less expensive. Southern schools are often a little less costly than their northern counterparts. Many years ago I transferred at the end of my freshman year. I wasn’t at all unhappy at my first school, but I was living at home and I wanted to try going away. It was a great move for me and I had not a single regret about transferring.

As others have said, if you are going to transfer, sooner is best. One thing I would take a look at with respect to transfer schools is how many of the upperclassmen (and particularly sophomores) live on campus. I found that it was really easy to meet people in my dorm, and most of the friends I had at my second college were girls I met in the dorm and others I met through them. I think it’s a little harder if you’re off-campus, especially if you’re coming in as a transfer.

7

Please try to forget this notion of “the best four years of your life” because that simply isn’t the case for so many students. I would say the best four years of my life were definitely after I graduated from college at the age of 24. Or, when my two kids were aged from 4-10. Or a couple of years ago, after having a bunch of nice vacations. There isn’t one “best four years of your life.” If you are lucky, there are many of those times. The grass is always greener, right? Do what you feel is the best thing for your future, not for an idealized version of what you think your life is supposed to be like.