I am not encouraging any behavior for the OP other than being kinder to their own kids.
The rest were merely factual behavioral options available to either party. An adult relationship is a two-way street. Many parents and children often fail to consider that. Decisions have consequences.
I think that the parents ARE doing a grave injustice by cutting the OP out of the decision making process. I value education so much that I’ve paid full price at private schools for two kids and was glad to do it. Those are my values. If they can’t afford Duke, there is a healthier way to go about it than saying “my money my decision”. If they just don’t want to pay, which seems to be the case, then they are depriving their kid of an education that many less fortunate have access to. I hate these posts from kids who I think are getting shortchanged. We’ve seen parents who went to the Super Bowl every year, but wouldn’t even fill out the financial aid form. We’ve had parents who have yachts, but won’t pay for their kids college. IMHO, the OP has a right to be resentful. I believe in doing for your kids and having them pass it on. If the OP shares my values, then he/she should apply them to his/her own children.
Please realize that the sample set of students posting on CC about their selection is NOT representative of the majority of students in the country. A significant percentage of students in this country do not have the option of choosing between excellent and well-known 4-year residential colleges. Many, many students have no choice other than to attend the most affordable school within commuting distance and living with their parents while attending school. There are lots of great students who start on a community college path and then transfer to keep their costs down. There are students whose families cannot - or will not - help them with their education. Very few families can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on a college education. And not all who can afford to choose to do so, because they define value differently within their own family.
You have the option to attend a well-known and well-regarded school and graduate with no debt. That is something so many students could only wish for. I agree that your parents could - and should - have communicated with you better, but as you pointed out they have no experience with the American college system (many people who attended undergrad in the US are blind-sided by how things have changed since they went to college!).
Go to SMU, kick some butt, go on to graduate school, and as was mentioned up-thread, be sure to have more open communication with your own kids someday. You can’t change your parents, but you can be sure not to repeat their mistakes.
However, it is likely that many of the students whose options are financially limited to the local public university or starting at community college (because they do not have the academic credentials to get big scholarships or get admitted to the best-financial-aid schools, and their parents can offer little or no money for college) usually know beforehand that their options are financially limited. It is not like their parents encourage them to apply to expensive schools like NYU, BU, etc. without mentioning cost constraints but then say “you cannot go there” in April when the admission letter comes with a net price that is too high.
Parents not evaluating their finances and telling their kids the cost constraints before applications are made risk having their kid get financially shut out (all admissions are to schools which are too expensive).
You will get an excellent education at either SMU or Duke, and ultimately that is what’s important. I have to say, though I may have worded it differently, that I agree with your parents that having the opportunity to graduate from SMU debt free is both an honor and a more practical choice, knowing that law school is part of your long term plan. Getting accepted to an excellent law school will depend primarily on grades and LSAT scores, regardless of which undergraduate institution you attend. And it is much more important for future employment prospects to attend a highly ranked law school than to attend a top ranked university as an undergraduate, especially when the alternative is a very fine institution in its own right. So try to get past the feeling that you are being disenfranchised from the decision making. Presumably you chose which colleges to apply to, correct? So it isn’t really the case that you have been left out of the decision making. College is a huge expense, and your parents rightly feel that finances are an important part of the equation.
And I wonder how many schools the OP visited, how many applications the OP submitted, and how extended trips like SMU were made to compete for major awards. Did the OP attend private school? Did the OP have private tutoring for standardized testing? Did the OP attend summer programs? Etc
Remember all that was an investment by the parents to give the OP the opportunities s(he) has now.
currently at smu so if you have any questions ask, but also congratulations I know it may be hard I have a friend that turned down stanford to come to smu and a few friends who turned down vaderbilt because of the money so I understand. Not touched upon but you mentioned your church and dallas has many different churches and smu has much religious life on campus so dont be afraid to get involved there
Late to the party, but if any high school soph/jrs are reading this thread… It’s always a risk when the schools you apply to will either be “full pay” or “full/near full ride”. When parents are weighing paying $250k vs <$50 and nothing in-between, it’s going to cause a lot of parents to lean towards the cheaper school…especially if your career goal doesn’t require a “big name” school. Better to apply to a variety of schools where the net price will range.