<p>I am facing a "problem" that I NEVER thought that I would have, but am thrilled to have. D1 is a sophomore at Princeton, High School Valedictorian, SAT- mid-high range of Princeton's 50%, Great ECs, all around "Good Kid". D2 was just accepted to Princeton, which we NEVER thought would happen. Top 5% in her class, SAT/ACT- low range of Princeton's middle 50%. Great ECs,all around "Good Kid", just like her sister, no parent/grandparent legacy- they were admitted on their own merit. </p>
<p>Like most younger siblings, things have seemed to come "easier" for D2. D1 is now a bit upset that D2 may be attending Princeton as she has viewed Princeton as the one thing she had that was her own. They ARE best friends, and D1 is the most giving, unselfish child, but this has upset her. D2 does not know of her sister's concern, and she will not know. D2 has another great choice that she is weighing-but nothing like Princeton. We are still in a bit of shock about D2's acceptance, not sure why in hindsight as she and her sister are basically the same, just a few "numbers" apart, but it is Princeton, and every decision is a crapshoot. We NEVER thought we would be fortunate enough to have one daughter admitted,let alone both of them.</p>
<p>My question- has anyone faced this problem before? How did it resolve? We are confident D1 will become supportive once she gets her arms around the issue and will love to have her sister near her for her last two years of school, but right now this is upsetting at a time that should be full of joy!</p>
<p>D1 needs to know that D2 will find her own life at Princeton. I think D2 should get to make the college choice (and if it’s Princeton…so be it) without a SPECK of input from her older sister.</p>
<p>I have a similar case at home and my girls are 5 years apart. We are not at a point where D2 may get into more (or better schools) than D1, but it could be happen. If that should happen, I am sure D1 would feel a bit of jealousy, but she would be reminded of many blessings she already had. </p>
<p>Humor: When D2 was admitted to K (age 5) at D1’s private school, D1 sat her sister down and told her that the only reason she got in was because of legacy. D2 was just happy to be going to her big sister’s school, but she wanted to know what legacy was.</p>
<p>My brother and I went to the same college, and we only saw each other when we made an effort to. Make sure D1 knows that D2 won’t be hanging around with her and will have her own life, as thumper1 says, especially since the girls are two years apart. Hopefully they don’t want to major in the same subject!</p>
<p>On the other hand, I can understand D1’s feelings. We’re facing a similar situation with our two. It’s touchy and you’ll have to tread with care. However, it’s not fair to keep D2 from such a tremendous opportunity because D1’s feelings might be hurt. All I can advise is to be open to listening to D1 and validate her feelings, yet assure her that you are as proud of her as you ever were. Maybe play up the fact that D2 might have gotten in because D1 was there first…sibling connections do help at schools like Princeton! Maybe that will make her feel a bit better and keep her “ownership” intact. Good luck.</p>
<p>Congratulations! I faced a different but comparable situation. DS went to Johns Hopkins. Three years later, DD was admitted. DD was concerned about invading her brother’s space and following in his footsteps. But it worked out well. They became closer than ever and that has continued post college.</p>
<p>Hello- How about when siblings get into same school,years apart (older one already out of there), and the second sibling has reservations about following in the footsteps. It would likely be the better school for the second sibling, in a totally different major but it is the same school. How do you counsel?</p>
<p>Mommalis - I have a very similar situation that has just run its course. D1 was a lifelong superstar and went to Harvard. D2, less than two years younger, did everything her older sister did, accomplished just as much, had the same resume, but spent her whole adolescence being known as D1’s little sister. D2 had some great college choices including Harvard, and thought a good bit about whether she wanted to continue in the same school with her sister.</p>
<p>But ultimately, D2 really wanted to be at Harvard too, and made that choice. Ironically, their housing assignments were in side-by-side buildings, about 100 feet apart. But whereas in HS D2’s sister cast a huge shadow that was impossible to escape, at Harvard she was just another student. D2 found that she loved her two years with her sister accessible whenever they wanted. They’d do things together, and then sometimes they’d go a week at a time and not see one another. D1 graduated last spring and D2 is now a junior, and because of the shared college experience, they’re closer than ever. Most of each D’s college friends are now friends of both Ds. It really worked out ideally.</p>
<p>When it’s the older kid who is having an issue, I would firmly remind her that she had every opportunity when it came to college admissions, including going to Princeton, and you will not deny that opportunity to your younger child just bc the older is momentarily upset. Then remind her that it’s a big school, she’ll have her own friends and major (hopefully), so it’s not like this will affect her life except maybe sharing rides home for holidays. Disagree with MomDoc – I would NOT tell the older kid that maybe the younger got in bc of a sibling legacy. Why diminish the younger’s accomplishments like that – to pacify the older during their 5 minute temper tantrum? Also, while all of this is being done in confidence right now, you better believe that at some point it will surface – you don’t want the younger one hearing years from now that mom only thinks she got in bc of the older sib – you won’t be able to explain it away then.</p>
<p>If the younger doesn’t want to follow in the older one’s footsteps, you can’t force him (well you could by withholding tuition to other places), but you should talk with him about why the school would be good for him/his major – not about what the older sib got out of it. Again, remind him that it’s a big school, two separate majors, different ECs so it’s not like their college lives will resemble each other at all except having the same university name on the degree. After that, all you can do is let the younger sib decide.</p>
<p>When my older child first discovered that younger sibling was considering attending the same school, older child was unhappy about it - not sure if it was wanting to have a very separate world or what. After more time to think about it, older child realized that younger one was considering it because it was the right school, and not because older sibling was there. Today, they are both students at the same school (much smaller than Princeton), have lived in the same dorm (by coincidence, not by choice), and intentionally have a meal together once a week.</p>
<p>In the OP case, the P admission office made a decision and D1 should respect that.
This is not only her school, this is a top school that offered a spot to her sister she should be honored and think beyond her own self.:D</p>
<p>And … here is a chance for the big sister to be the expert and the guide to the incoming freshman. </p>
<p>This may work out for us … big brother has graduated, and the younger one is considering his admission offer. The boys are closer with having this university in common.</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it. D2 should make the decision herself. Princeton is a lot bigger than their HS!</p>
<p>One of my best friends from Colgate followed her big bro’s footsteps to Colgate. She told me that they actually needed to make an effort to meet each other for lunch once a week. They were so busy with their own lives! She feels that by having that shared Colgate experience, she and her brother have become much closer than with their younger brother. After her big bro graduated, my friend felt sad that she wasn’t having those lunch dates… but she moved on. She will always remember those.</p>
<p>I wish I had the OP’s problem…ughh…S1 graduated from Duke, D1 is junior at Harvard, S2 got rejected from both! D1 is extremely upset as she is very involved on campus and was so excited at the thought of her brother attending. While his scores were not quite as high as D1, they were a bit higher than S1 and he was equally qualified. He has always followed in their footsteps and living in a small town means everyone is asking…</p>
<p>Looks like he will be attending Wake Forest with a great FA package and an environment that I think he will love and thrive in. In a way, I think he is looking forward to forging his own college experience. Yes, it stung a bit at first, but he seems to be handling it better than his older siblings. Everything happens for a reason.</p>
<p>While I have no personal experience with my family, I knew quite a few siblings who were in the same college as I was, and I thought they benefitted from each other’s presence, a great deal. I would feel sorry for your D1 if Princeton isn’t big enough for her and her sister. I am sure that if she really doesn’t want sis around she can arrange it, and on the other hand they don’t have to be tied at the hip. It would be good for both sisters if they could now build a mature adult relationship with a minimum of sibling rivalry. In my opinion it would be asking too much of a child not to go to Princeton because older sis thinks it is “her” thing. What a set up for a potential life long resentment by D2. If they really are good or best friends, then they will love being together, like so many of the siblings that I knew in college who even lived together or joined sororities or fraternities together.</p>
<p>mommalis, this is exactly why my son #2 did NOT want son #3 to even apply to “his” school. Everything comes very easy for DS3 and DS2 needed to forge is own friendships, his own place. He didn’t want the feeling that “along comes DS3 and he makes friends with everyone” because I’ve seen that happen often with those two. As I say, DS3 is just “easier to love”. </p>
<p>Too bad you didn’t figure this out before the application was sent. I mean, it’s great they both got into Pton, but maybe DS2 could have focused more on another equally wonderful college. I’m sure it will work out.</p>
<p>We had the opposite problem in that D2 has always felt like she’s known as “D1’s little sister” and she wouldn’t even consider applying to D1’s college. She visited D1 in college and just loved it. Changed her mind and applied. Didn’t get in. </p>
<p>Well, not every story has a storybook ending…LOL!</p>
<p>ellemenope, we have a similar issue. D1 and I think D1’s current school could be a great choice for D2. D1 will have graduated by the time D2 even applies, and is studying in a completely different area than D2 will. D2 will not even consider it. And it is nothing about the school, she just feels like she wants to do this on her own. Remember “I do it myself!” from the toddler years? I guess it hasn’t gone away…</p>
<p>When I was at Princeton I knew many, many siblings attending. Princeton spawns enormous loyalty among its alums and gives “legacy” applicants a significant break in the admission process, and the result is that Princeton becomes a sort of family tradition for some. However, it’s a reasonably large school, and most freshmen make their close friends within their year and within their residential college. So it’s not as if D2 is going to be in D1’s hair all the time. If D2 thinks it’s her best option, she should absolutely go: it is a fabulous undergraduate experience.</p>
Good luck!</p>