<p>Thank you cangel. I really appreciate your kind words. I definitely do intend to start a thread when s's future is more clear. And I think they shoud tack it to the top of the page as a warning to all future applicants. Something along the lines of Warning! This could be you!!
You don't know pain until your child is facing preparation for 3 AP exams and has no place to go to school. His friends are all celebrating their admissions or agonizing over which school to choose. No senioritis for him! Trust me, I'll be able to scare even the most confident applicants into applying to a battery of safety schools!!!!!!!</p>
<p>Berurah:</p>
<p>I think your entire summary is worth putting up as a sticky. I remembered the Yale Massacre last year, but no one expressed as well as you have the demoralizing anguish EA rejection can cause not just in December, but all the way until April. Sometimes, the kids least able to handle rejection are the higher achieving ones, because they have been so successful until then. In your case, your entire family handled it beautifully and the story has a happy ending. But I hope your reminder inspires others to consider the emotional factor in their college application strategies.</p>
<p>Marite I think another aspect of the EA situation is that when my s applied to Y and was deferred, it gave us false hope. Everyone kept saying 'Oh my sister got deferred EA and then got in RD, don't worry.' In some respects what happened to Berurah's son was a good wake up call, albeit a hurtful one. In the end Berurah's s came out the better for the EA outcome.</p>
<p>Thank you berurah and others - This thread really needs to be renamed - something along the lines of What We've Learned or Stories from the Trenches or andi's WARNING - this could be you!.....</p>
<p>And then it needs to be a sticky. Berurah - your S outcome was eventually stupendouse, but even so, your post-mortem and ideas on how to do it better are top-notch. And then each poster following you has added more insight and lessons. </p>
<p>So... Berurah - will you start a new thread and move at least your post #2 over? Or MODS - can you rename and sticky this thread?</p>
<p>Andi:</p>
<p>I so agree! But I think things will turn out well for your S, just as they turned out well for Berurah's S.</p>
<p>Andi, we're pulling for you--your whole CC cyber family has prayers and incense and whatever metaphsyical things we're each embracing on your behalf! I ache for your S...I hadn't thought about living thru "choice season" and exchanging news of "where I'm going to college" and the pain that must cause you-all...</p>
<p>Rereading Berurah's original "post-mortem" (I didn't mean to be "flip" by using the term "second-guessing," Berurah...I'm not sure what I meant other than I continue to believe you & your family did everything just about perfectly right) and the comments that follow caused another thought: the GC is so important--whether s/he is a really good one or one that's not perfect for the applicant's particular path. My S's GC was a positive genius...she told us both early on that Stanford was a reach for everyone, and for S, too--that he had a shot at it but that he shouldn't get too "vested" in their decision...and she accurately "called" his chances at his four RD acceptances, too--and she was brilliant at helping him craft his list...having a good GC was a huge benefit that I didn't realize until now, after the process is almost over. Maybe it would be worth adding to the post-mortem that for those whose kids are not in a system where the GC is expert in the selective schools journey that the family, if the child wants a selective school, consider consulting someone "outside"...altho I also believe that all anyone has to do is start a thread on CC Parents Board and they'll get so much useful input that spending money "outside" just won't be required...</p>
<p>As for my S and his broken ankle...he's 3 days post-op and it's tough. He's either in considerable pain, or so loopy from the meds that control the pain that he hates how he feels. But he is improving and he will be fine. Thank the Lord we've never had to worry about permanent crippling, or life--it could be SOOO much worse!</p>
<p>We're going to try (w/the dr's blessing) to drive to U VA next weekend (one day before deadline...how's that for cutting it close!?)...right now he's torn between U VA/Echols-College Science Scholars and Cornell...I predict Cornell, but I've been wrong before and may be wrong now, too...but Cornell has been one of his two top choices consistently since last summer...his other top choice has varied over the months, as it's varying now...but Cornell has always been in the 1-2 thinking...anyway, we'll see...</p>
<p>Haven't revisited the "Betting Thread" in a few days...Berurah, how's your S's decision-making going? Last I heard it was an agonizing choice between JHU, Duke & perhaps Penn???</p>
<p>THANK YOU to everyone...this forum is so great...and Andi, whine away...you'll get nothing but love and support from us...and the waiting is the worst...even if you say exactly the same thing in 17,000 posts, we want you to have the emotional support we all feel for you--so go ahead and post 17,000 times!...hug your S from all of us, ok?</p>
<p>
[quote]
Haven't revisited the "Betting Thread" in a few days...Berurah, how's your S's decision-making going? Last I heard it was an agonizing choice between JHU, Duke & perhaps Penn???
[/quote]
berurah announced her S's decision here: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=55622%5B/url%5D">http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=55622</a> </p>
<p>Duke came through and he's headed there for the fall !!</p>
<p>Thanks, Mootmom...I missed it completely...and just read the thread and am SO THRILLED for Berurah and Committed2Duke! Don't forget, Committed & Berurah--Duke is not that far from Washington, DC...you're welcome here any time!!! Congratulations!</p>
<p>
I think this is sound, albeit distressing, advice for all applicants (EA or otherwise) to HYPSM and other super-selective schools these days. Even if you are amazingly qualified and give it your very best shot, the bleak truth is that there are so many similarly qualified applicants to these schools that the sheer numbers are simply against you :(.</p>
<p>
[quote]
So, I'd say and I'd bet Berurah would agree w/me, the first and best step would be to find a "safety" that will make the kid happy...and then "play the lottery" for other choices after that...
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think that every kid should find at least 2 safeties to apply to early in the process-if they also have rolling admissions, all the better. All kids deserve to have a choice in the end, even if it's between 2 safeties. The emotional sting of match/reach rejections will be lessened if the kids get to make the last move. After relinquishing all power to the adcoms, it's great for them to be able to take some power back and have the final say in where they will attend.</p>
<p>jmmom I agree. I think Berurah's analysis is excellent. It's a great resource for next year's kids and parents. I'd just add, what has already been mentioned, that keeping that distance or emotional detachment from the application after all the work that goes into it, is easier said than done.
I'd also say that it's not all that easy to find a safety that you "love" for a kid who has always had high expectations. </p>
<p>overanxious mother Thanks so much. One of the things I want to write about when this is done is the team effort that has gone into helping me keep my sanity and in turn that of my s. Practical advice, emotional support and even some sleuthing!! lol It's incredible.</p>
<p>
[quote]
It's not hard to feel emotionally detached BEFORE filling out the application, but I don't think there are that many people who can become involved enough to create a well written application and then still feel detached.
[/quote]
Andi, such wise words from such a wise woman...I couldn't have said this better. That's basically why I said that I don't know if I would have heeded my own advice before this whole thing started...you THINK you can do this with little emotional investment, but truly it IS difficult to put that much of your heart and soul into something and then just "forget" about it, which is what you NEED to do.</p>
<p>And I agree with you that in most ways, the early rejection my son received was much more merciful and easier to handle than the deferral----->rejection that your son did. False hope can be cruel. And it makes it SO difficult to just let it go and concentrate on other avenues like we were basically FORCED to do by the rejection.</p>
<p>You know how my heart is with you and your S as you work hard to set things right for next year. I think of you daily and remain so compeletely inspired by your strength (I know, I know, you don't always feel it yourself <em>lol</em>), warmth, grace, and dignity. You are an incredibly special woman, but then, I already knew that before all of this! :)</p>
<p>lots of love, ~berurah</p>
<p>
[quote]
You don't know pain until your child is facing preparation for 3 AP exams and has no place to go to school. His friends are all celebrating their admissions or agonizing over which school to choose. No senioritis for him! Trust me, I'll be able to scare even the most confident applicants into applying to a battery of safety schools!!!!!!!
[/quote]
oh, andi...I am sooooooooooo sorry. I honestly can't imagine how very difficult it must be for your sweet son right now....and then AP tests on top of it all....<em>glug</em> BIG HUGS to you both. <3</p>
<p>~b.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I think your entire summary is worth putting up as a sticky
[/quote]
marite or anyone who knows how to do this....would you do this for me? I have to take my little ones to a b-day party in a couple of minutes, and I'm not sure when I'll be back! <em>lol</em> :) ~b.</p>
<p>andi, as a fairly new member, I don't know hte whole story, but have seen and read enough to get the general gist. I can't believe that you would be in this position! College apps are no longer just a crap shoot - but in many cases seem as brutal and torturous as they can be! I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, and know that your S will get into the school that is right for him - he seems so awesome! In the end, that is the only outcome possible.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'd also say that it's not all that easy to find a safety that you "love" for a kid who has always had high expectations.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>The trick is to have high aspirations without crossing the line to high expectations. Easier said than done, but a skill that will be useful throughout life. High expectations set us up for big falls.</p>
<p>Andi,
I know what a tough time this must be for all of you. I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason and this may be a way for your son to open his eyes and look at great opportunities he may have otherwise bypassed. </p>
<p>He may not take the path he had planned, but his journey can be just as rewarding. He is still a bright kid with a great future. Keep reminding him that. Best of luck to your son. I know you will all come out of this stronger.</p>
<p>my-3-sons</p>
<p>Dear berurah and andi -- Thanks so much for sharing your Ss' college painful and good college stories. Even though this is our third going through the process, I have learned so much from the two of you.Next year, S probably will apply somewhere ED but we will NOT allow him to wait until Dec 15th to complete his other applications incl rolling &
safeties. S1 applied over 6 years ago when things were a bit eaiser.
S2 applied ED a few years ago with a specific major/passion in mind; we had to almost hit him over the head to complete his other applications since we had a great Christmas vacation planned and I warned him that if applications not done, no vacation (for me, too). I dread doing this with S3 who is all over the place -- no real passion,
tops at a few ECs, great rank and so so test scores. andi, I wish for good things for your son from the waitlist or for an exciting gap year.</p>
<p>
[quote]
The trick is to have high aspirations without crossing the line to high expectations.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Now that's a great way to put it!!!!!! Definitely something worth tacking up above the desk when compiling applications. Why didn't you tell me that last fall!!</p>
<p>3boysnjmom, my-3-sons, evitajr1 Thanks so much for the good wishes. I'm glad that our experiences can be of help to others. That's what this board is for. Of course I'd rather not be the poster mom for what NOT to do :D but here I am. </p>
<p>3boysnjmom we'll be here for you when S#3 gets into the act!</p>
<p>
[quote]
The trick is to have high aspirations without crossing the line to high expectations.
[/quote]
Yes!! Unfortunately we crossed that line with the Yale app., but refrained from doing so with all of the others....~b.</p>
<p>Wow:
That's totally brilliant--the single best piece of advice I have heard in two years on CC.</p>