I’ve got a 9 on my last SAT, and I am taking another one tomorrow! This time, I want more than 9.
I’ve wrote my final practice essay before the SAT tomorrow.
Can anyone possibly grade my essay in scale of 2-12?
It would be grateful for all you guys! Any comments are welcome! 
If there is a typo, it is a deliberate one, since I typed WHAT I ONLY WROTE!
Prompt: Should people’s achievements be judged according to how much they help others?
It is true that one’s achievement can be judged by one’s philanthropic acts of helping others. However, one’s achievement should not be judged solely on one’s acts of helping others, because an acheivement does not limit on a magnanimosity of its action. The first mankind to go on the Moon, Neal Armstrong, and the diabolic Chinese king, Xi Quan can stand as a paragon to explain that one’s acheivement should not be judged by how much they help others.
Neal Armstrong is an epitome of an acheivement, which is going to the Moon for the first time in mankind history. He was able to go to the Moon with his 2 other crews and the Apollo 11. He needed to endure the narrow space of the spaceship, take the task of a meticulous organization of the spaceship itself, and complete the fastidious missions provided on the Moon. Himself revisioned his memory of going to the Moon as a “far-fetched goal”, and this expresses the rigidity of his mission of going to the Moon. However, all those great underpinnings of an acheivement does not involve any kind of helping each other .He did not care about helping any people, and concentrated only on his given mission, and he adroitly successed his mission. He is now lauded as the first mankind to go to the Moon, even though he did not have any kind of act of helping others. By an epitome of Neal Armstrong, it is clear that one’s acheivement should not be judged by one’s philanthropic acts.
Old Chinese King Xi Quan was a diabolic leader who has a greed of invading all the small countries adjacent to his country. In Ching Dynasty, he called all of his army and commanded toward them to abruptly attack the Smallest ‘Yuu’, so that he can start invading other countries. Since the ‘Yuu’ was the smallest, it was not hard to invade it. Then, he augmented the number of his army by invading country by country, whild the dead bodies were accumulating at the streets. After a decade, Xi Quan invaded most of the adjacent small countries and started to organize his big country, and dogmatically rule his subjects. His strategy of attacking the smallest country and gradually spreading the area is lionized by the Chinese historicians, and he made a great contribution to the Chinese history by unifying all the small countries. However, he did not help any of the subjects, he rather killed a lot of people and domineered by himself. Even though he wasn’t a magnanimous king, his acheivement is well-judged.
It is now explicitly explained why the acheivement should not be judged solely on one’s helping others. One’s acheivement can be still astonishing and marvelous, even if one did not help any others.