maybe he does not want to play football or do sports going forward. maybe that is not something he really wants or likes? just because he has been doing it all these years does not mean he enjoys it. perhaps college is his chance to start a new chapter in his life…free of that…? just a thought. if that is what is happening he may want to avoid schools with emphasis on sports, and perhaps avoiding the coaches and such for that reason…maybe he is not comfortable telling people around him as not to disappoint them. ( I have no idea but that popped into my mind from what you wrote)
Totally agree with @madamecrabster .
He’s been on a hamster wheel for a long time; he may not have any clue what he really wants. In fact it’s probably safe to say that he doesn’t know.
My oldest was not in exactly the same situation, but he was a good athlete and a pretty good student naturally. He went in a completely different direction with his life, and is the happiest I’ve ever seen him.
I think I would want to step back and try to really listen to him for clues about how to proceed. It’s vital that the ideas and decisions be his own.
I am a parent of a very talented former world champion athlete. Many years of our lives were wrapped up in my daughter’s sport. The competitions, the traveling, the friends we made - I loved all of it. When she was ready to stop, it was hard for me. My influence probably kept her at it a little longer than she would have liked. Once I examined my motivations it became easier to support her decision to change directions during her last months in high school.
If you can, try to step back from your son the QB to just your son, and what will make him happiest going forward.
Your son is lucky- he seems to have a great brain in addition to athletic skills. Let him totally drop the football in college idea. Since most top HS athletes do not become top college athletes this is wise. Many of the schools looking at him for athletics may be terrible academic matches for him as well. Let him embrace the brainy side of himself.
Whole new college list. Financial plus academic matches. Tell him to apply to your state flagship as his safety (although it isn’t necessarily that sure a choice). Find out which subject areas most interest him. He doesn’t need a major at this stage in life but he will have preferences- math, lit, history, science… I suspect no one has been interested in him as a scholar but instead have known him as the athlete.
As parents do you know much about his academic interests? Time to shift gears into future mode. He needs an academic, not athletic, peer group now. He has found time to do classwork despite all of the time spent being an athlete. I wonder if anyone has acknowledged this aspect of who he is. I’ll bet he would love to have you focus on his other interests.
Personal anecdote. Talking with a classmate in our honors freshman chemistry lab we discovered the guy was on the team that beat my HS in the state basketball tournament. Who knew? That part of his life was ancient HS history. He was in college for the academics, at our top level flagship.
I agree with making sure your son knows that you are OK with him not playing football. Our son was a national champion in his sport and heavily recruited but after he went on his official visits he came to us and told us that he really listened to what the athletes days are like (day in and day out…) and he didn’t want that for his college years. We were OK with his decision. Actually I welcomed that decision! So we shifted the search to academic and culture fit…he is very happy at his university and has used his competitive drive to interview and be awarded a leadership role in a university ran organization. Just make sure you take the football off the table…you’ll find out quickly if that is the issue. Good luck.
With HS sports, being now much more a 9-10 month endeavor, instead of just a season, well, it might not be surprising that he could be potentially be burned out. I have reiterated my own story of being a former D1 scholarship athlete at a major program, and all of its attendant expectations and projections, and then having 20 odd years later, to hear my heavily recruited D1 volleyball player daughter, after winning a state championship and have offers on the table, say:
“I’m not playing my HS senior year, and I am not going to continue in college.” Rather large pill to swallow. But, you know what, I created the pill, and it was my pill to swallow…
In the end, she made the absolute right choice for her direction in life, and now I have a daughter that has Dr. before her name…
my son was not one of the ‘elite’ in his sport in HS, but he did well and really enjoyed the team…some of his best friends. He choose college primarily for program/academic and social “fit”, and it turned out that he is good enough to be on the Div3 team, and has, once again, made his best friends on the team. He doesn’t find D3 at his school to be overwhelming or pressure-filled, but it has let him continue a sport he loves and he is improving and having a great time.
Many Div 1 schools have outstanding Club teams, with lots of talent but less pressure.
There are likely many options that would appeal to him where he can keep playing his sport (if he even wants to), but in an environment where the expectations are lower than some of the competitive programs that are “interested” in him.
Why do YOU have to approach this? It’s his life. Maybe he doesn’t like the manipulation he’s perceiving from everybody and is just pushing back a little to gain some control over his own life.
My advice?
“I’m sorry you’re having trouble finding the right colleges. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know”.
Have you asked him what he wants to do next year? If he says “go to college”; have you asked him where he wants to go? If he answers “I don’t know” to the first question then you have a problem. If he says "I don’t know’ to the second question then you need to talk more about what he is looking for…start over with the big or small, east coast or midwest or westcoast or south, financial aid needed, etc. etc. etc.
Have you asked if if he wants to play football in college? If he answers no then that takes care of the recruiting calls. My son was chased by a college or two wanting him to play football (as an engineering major no less) and the coaches can be relentless but if he doesn’t want to play then take it off the table for him. It is a huge, huge time commitment whether it’s D1 or D2 or D3. It’s quite enticing for coaches to find a smart football player and they can latch onto to that quickly.
Be direct, accept what he says and re-do the list if necessary.
I would reassure him that it is perfectly OK not to “really, really like” a school. Some kids just don’t bond that way, and it is really far better not to have your heart set on college X or Y. I would keep the emotion out of it and concentrate on the attributes he wants. At this point, all he needs to do is come up with a list that checks the boxes of “wants.”. Once he sees where he’s in, he can take another look, and if it’s still not to his taste, then maybe a gap year is what he needs.
Is there a college where he has older friends that he could go spend a couples days and a night, and checkout college life? Maybe that will motivate him, or maybe it will confirm for him that he’s just not interested enough in college right now. In which case a gap year might be a good choice.
The OP hasn’t been back…