Son is screwing up so badly at school I don't even know why I'm on this board!

<p>I'm not a legal type but I did have a principal tell a parent "so sue me". There just isn't enough to go around in my neck of the woods. With regard to math rules, writing is a MAJOR chore for my son, especially after the meds wear off, and he can do algebra level math in his head and get it right, but the rules say he MUST right it down. Yesterday we got an email because he got a low grade; he wrote down the work, but not on a seperate piece of paper....still, I'm grateful for the email...With regard to reminders to turn work in, lately I've been toying with the idea of cell phones on vibrate with an alarm during certain periods to turn in assignments. College kids I treat seem to use their cell phones for reminders with great success. My kid NEVER ignores his cell phone! You may need a "504" plan ( if not eligible for an IEP, which most kids with only ADD in California aren't) for permission to have the phone vibrate in class..</p>

<p>In NY we have a special ed PTA. I don't know if you guys have that. I friend of mine trained as a social worker who specializes in intervening for parents in cases where the school isn't accommodating their child's needs. She was a trained (PhD) epidemiologist who never landed a full-time job. Her three sons all had some neurological deficit, though they are all brilliant and accomplished. The youngest has Tourette's and when he was booted out of a gifted program because of this, a new career was born out of her advocy for him.</p>

<p>About difficulty of course load: I think that children are so individual that no generalization works for everyone, but I generally trust the instincts of the parent. I got so much grief from S's teachers, relatives, friends when I had him diagnosed and put him on ADD medication in fifth grade. He was extremely (pathologically if you ask me) well behaved and an A student. The problem was that at home it would take him all night to write one paragraph, and he would be in tears to achieve this. Teachers always said he could not complete on any independent tasks at school. That was what was so puzzling when they tried to thwart the ADD diagnosis (a long story I won't go into).</p>

<p>There are so many things at issue here: Having a decent enough record to allow later education if child so desires, preparing child to succeed in later life, and preserving the peace of the family and the child's self-esteem in the meantime. Sometimes they can't all be accomplished at the same time. The first is probably the least important. I teach at a community college and about one third of the boys have ADD. Having this experience with my son has enhanced my ability to be helpful. Most of these young men, who may have had dismal records in high school, do succeed and go on to respectable four year institutions.</p>

<p>Focus on the coping skills you think your child needs and reenforce them. When the school is unfair, I do think it is fine to intervene; after all they're children. When do I intend to stop? Well, he is four hours away, and I can't see calling college administrators or teachers, so he's on his own there. I wouldn't mind a phone call every day for the rest of my life to give advice if that's what it took. (Not that I think it will.) He is a freshman and did ask me if I think he has time to do both orchestra and choir. I thought he could because he always had before but gently steered him away from fencing which would be a new sport and a tremendous time commitment. I also helped him choose his first semester classes, avoiding math and science. Although he does well in these disciplines, math, in particular, does make him nervous, though achieved a 4 on the AP calc exam.</p>

<p>The ADD will always have to managed. He knows it won't go away and is quite philosophical about it. </p>

<p>I think the saddest thing is the medication robs him of some of his zany personality (which I really adore) and cuts into his creativity (he's a composer), but without it he can't read, write or do math. Tough choice, but one he has to make. I'm glad I don't have to.</p>

<p>I think you really need to push for an IEP for him. It seems like some teachers don't recognize he has limitations - simply because he is so smart and can compensate. My son has some medical conditions that required 18 surgeries and MANY missed days of school (and many classes where he simply fell asleep due to all his meds). I can remember in the early grades, he was denied PT/OT because the head of special services said as long as he could sit in a chair without falling off and continue to work above grade level, then he didn't qualify - despite having numerous brain/spinal cord surgeries. It was very frustrating.</p>

<p>I know these situations are different but similar reaction from some of his HS teachers. My son took 6 APs senior yr and also lost points for situations he couldn't control (severe pain so took meds that put him to sleep and therefore lost a night of homework,etc). Part of the problem is that my son never acknowledged his problem to his peers so they just thought he was messing around with the teacher or cutting school, etc. The school was informed about his condition but nothing special was done. You should try to get the administration/guidance dept to truly understand your son's condition - perhaps giving them some literature, etc. </p>

<p>Your son certainly has the right to be in the challenging classes and the structure may actually be better for him. In my experience, the regular class teachers rarely care if the kids even do their homework. Those point systems are often devised to give extra credit to help the kids who perform poorly on the tests.</p>

<p>I do know of a kid with severe ADD who had to write all assignments down and have his assignment pad "checked off" by his teachers - even in HS. If the teachers didn't ok the assignment note, then the kid couldn't be penalized if he didn't have the work done. This kid's mother was important in the school system and she suggested this plan. Seems to have worked. He's in college now.</p>