<p>How has he done in his math classes prior to senior year? Does this seem more like a “senioritis” issue or do you have deeper concerns about his overall ability to do the expected work? Even if he can scrape by with a C in Calculus at the high school, starting with Calculus 1 sounds like a good option.</p>
<p>I would tend toward letting him go to UGA and live in dorm but with a some conditions–primarily you and his dad somehow keeping abreast of his academic performance.</p>
<p>I’d also look into some kind of outside sources to discuss these issues with him. Does he have a coach, teacher, guidance counselor, adult in his area of interest who could give him a low down on how expectations change at college? Are there any college presentations at the schools?</p>
<p>My boss’s D had a similar emotional/psychological issue during her senior year but in dual enrollment. She was accepted by several great schools even with scholarships but keep skipping the final exam of a couple classes that are required for her HS graduation. She first asked for a deferral at one school and trying to catch up with the required course but still did not make it (same thing happened). She ended up remained in that college she did dual enrollment and take more college level courses for another year. Another year later, she fulfilled the final requirement for HS graduation and accumulated enough credits to transfer to an in state tech school as junior. She has been doing great since then. She is one of the smartest kids I’ve met, but it may just need time for one to mature.</p>
<p>There are plenty of kids like this who struggle and succeed, but there are plenty who struggle and end up dropping out. I think allowing him to board, with the threat of come home if you don’t meet X gpa is hard on everyone. What if he misses the target gpa by .5? Or gets sick and misses it? these extenuating circumstances now require a whole revisit of the agreement. And coming home once he’s lived there will compound the feelings of failure. And board is rarely refundable.</p>
<p>Still think it’s better to commute and have board as a reward, not home as a punishment. Commuting is not the end of the world; he’ll still make friends and join clubs and have a social life. Concentrate less on the getting in, getting there…think about the least eventful way to get OUT. </p>
<p>If UGA has a summer start program as mentioned, absolutely do it. S1 struggled mightily and with trauma and angst and turmoil and I wish, I wish, I wish I had thought more about baby steps and listened to my own instincts. OP’s instincts seem to be spot on, a good mom indeed!</p>
<p>Commuting to school or community college is a horrible idea. A student with a 31 ACT score is too smart for a regional U or community college. That’s a top 5% score in the nation. Send him to a crappy school and he will most certainly regress. Send him on his way and hope he grows up. Many kids do bad their first semester or two. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.</p>
<p>Oh my!! I didn’t expect so many replies - thank you ALL for your well-thought-out responses and advice!! Unfortunately, I left out one important piece of info - UGA requires that all freshman live on campus. We can apply for an exemption to that only if we live in one of several counties surrounding the campus, which we don’t. So, I think commuting from home is out - and I agree with thumper1 on the thought that “what would be different living at home while going to college - he lives at home now but doesn’t always follow through.” </p>
<p>So many good ideas - I wanted to respond to each reply, but can’t figure out how to do that. I like the idea of No Frats the first year, and making sure that he hooks up with the department of student services at UGA for counseling, organization, time management (may even look into doing that privately as well). Love the idea of him having a summer job and having to save the money for college - he already works at Dairy Queen, so should be able to work more during the summer. I will look into my finances to see if Summer College is an option - it’s expensive, but could definitely be worth it. </p>
<p>I want to go back through all the replies again to make sure I “got” everything! Thank you all again for sharing your insight, experience and knowledge. So many worries and so glad to know others have been there, done that! Good luck to all of you as well - and feel free to keep responding - I will keep checking this thread!</p>
<p>Trying to micromanage a college-age kid is bound to have negative consequences. In fact it’s really not good in HS either. Dropping the ball may be his way of sending you a message that he no longer wants you checking his grades and assignments. </p>
<p>You say he’s a great kid and he sounds like it! Send him to UGA and encourage him to get involved in the community. Pledging a fraternity may wind up being the strong support he needs to be successful at college. </p>
<p>Please don’t put in place some complex set of rules and expectations, etc. You’ve raised a good kid, he understands what’s at stake with his scholarship - Let him go and Trust that he WILL just rise to the occasion! </p>
<p>(And trust me I’ve watched something like this play out in my own family with a now adult step-daughter who had great promise in HS but her over-functioning parents could never back off long enough to let her figure things out on her own. It hasn’t worked out well for her.)</p>
<p>Glad that UGA requires freshman to live on campus! I wouldn’t consider sending my kids to a school that didn’t have that same requirement. It’s crucial to getting them integrated quickly. </p>
<p>Wanted to add that I would not let him have a car for at least the first year. Being so close, you don’t want him coming home or hanging with old HS friends when he’d be better off staying on campus making new connections. </p>
<p>Mondut, I have a tendency to totally agree with you - his dad and stepmom are definitely micro-managers. It has driven me - and my son - crazy over the years. I lean towards “provide guidance along with independence.” And I want him integrated and engaged with his new college community. I’ve already told him the car will stay home. </p>
<p>MidwestSalmon, he has a 3.58 GPA right now - and has carried something similar to that his whole high school career. I would love for him to have a 3.7 - in Georgia, that means he would get the Zell Miller scholarship, which would pay FULL tuition. As it stands, he will get the HOPE scholarship, which pays a portion of tuition, but not all. </p>
<p>greenbutton, I love the idea of the summer college, and UGA has a great program for that. However, it’s $4,300 and I just don’t have that. The HOPE scholarship will only pay a small part of that. And I’m almost positive his dad won’t contribute to that anyway - his dad and stepmom are the ones who really want him to stay home and go to CC the first year - so they can keep any eye (and thumb) on him. </p>
<p>He wants to major in computer science - he wants to go into information technology and cyber security with the ultimate goal of getting into the FBI, CIA or NSA. The College of Engineering at UA is where their computer science is housed - he is not interested in what we traditionally think of as “engineering”. At UGA, he wouldn’t be with the other engineering students as they have their own computer science program that is separate from engineering. </p>
<p>I am concerned about your statement “that as long as he doesn’t have to work too hard, he does fine”.</p>
<p>Like other poster, I would be concerned about the calculus grade. How is he doing in his other subjects? His math and science grades should give you a feel for if engineering is for him. Take a look at the course load for freshman year. I suspect that he will find that ALL his courses will require a similar effort compare to Calculus. The required labs will add a lot of work and time to the schedule. The drawback of engineering is the sheer amount of required courses along with the sequence they need to be taken. He will need to understand he will have limited options
to dropping and repeating a course if he wants to graduate on time.</p>
<p>Since a lot of engineering courses are practice subjects like Calculus, it is difficult to do everything at the last moment (unfortunately, I learn that the hard way) and do well. However, I suspect that a lot of students are like your son and end up rising to the occasion. The first round of exams usually wakes most up.</p>
<p>I thought of one more thing…I am completely unfamiliar with UGA’s curriculum, but if possible, encourage him to take at least one course that he thinks he will really enjoy. Based on my own experience, a full roster of demanding but not necessarily inspiring core courses makes the nonacademic temptations even more distracting.</p>
<p>It is good that he is seeing a therapist. That takes care of my first concern/action item. My next concern would be whether he can rescue his HS grades and avoid being rescinded. I think you need to address that with him right away. Ideally, it would be his responsibility to talk to his GC and the teacher and see what can be done. You can offer to some with him to speak to them if he wishes. You can take two approaches on this one: you can give him a deadline by which he must have spoken to both and reported back to you what he needs to do (say a week), or you can simply lay the issue out for him and be prepared to let him live with the consequences, which might include an enforced gap year. </p>
<p>Assuming that he is not rescinded, I favor letting him go to school but forbidding rush and requiring him to sign up with whatever life skills/coaching/organizational help is available. Make sure that he understands the consequences of losing the Hope scholarship. Making him stay at home is to me unnecessarily punitive, and doesn’t advance things at all. As someone said above, he’s home now. How much good has that done?</p>
<p>I like the idea of his having a job this summer and a complete break from school. It sounds like he needs it. I also think that you should be careful to take a kind and not punitive tone when discussing these things with him, one that empowers him. And I think you need to find a way to get out of the middle, so to speak. It is his education and his life. You are going to support him, but not run it for him. He is doing this for himself, not for you. </p>
<p>I haven’t read all of the replies so I may be repeating what others have already said. My two cents is that you have to let him try and if need be, fail. Peer pressure in Engineering will either motivate him to keep up or he will find a new area to study. CC wont help as he will loose his freshman status and scholarships as a transfer. He could defer a year before he starts perhaps as an option and work for that year. Freshman year is very important for establishing friendships, so I would NOT make him commute regardless of where you both decide he should attend. Definitely, he should have a summer job. If he preforms poorly his first semester, he would most likely be put on academic probation for the next semester and that again may make him wake up. You can only do so much as a parent, after that you have to let them make some mistakes and may not be doing him an favors by not allowing him to fail and pick himself back up again.</p>
<p>Op,
Thanks for posting. I completely understand your dilemma and will be in your shoes next year for DS 2015. I’m logging in everyone’s responses in my memory for next year.</p>
<p>If your son attends a cc, then he will probably lose all merit money/scholarships in the future. Hardly any merit money is given out to transfer students. Thus, if you choose not to send him to UGA, ask UGA for a year deferment where they can save his place and his scholarship for him. Then he would take a “gap year” whereby he works, travels, or whatever. </p>
<p>If you really can’t decide if you think he will rise to the occasion of getting his work done at a 4 yr uni while living on campus, then it’s best to test the waters now. As others have said, it’s better to allow kids to fail when at home, rather than when they are away at college. To that end, I would tell son and father that he should get a B- or better in Calc or his admissions may be rescinded. And then let him figure out how to bring up the grade. No checking on HW or tests or anything. If he can’t get the grade up by himself (i.e. balance the senoritis with the work load) then the colleges themselves will decide if he attends or not.</p>
<p>Agree with no frat the first year. And no car for the first year.</p>
<p>I doubt a “C” will result in him being rescinded, honestly. Now a “D” or “F”, that could. I would not exaggerate, he just won’t trust what you say in the future if he gets a “C” and is not rescinded.</p>
<p>@Consolation makes some good points above, although I don’t agree with forbidding rush. Fraternities aren’t only about partying, and we have no information to suggest OP’s son has been involved in risky behavior that makes him poorly suited to pledge. </p>
<p>In fact what we know is that he’s a smart kid (evidenced by a 31 ACT), at a “lame” school (mom’s term), and he’s recently acted out a bit by skipping class or failing to turn in assignments. He might really flourish at the right fraternity. </p>
<p>So in other words, at UGA as at many other colleges, students in the Greek community perform better than non-Greeks overall. </p>
<p>I would say if he’s interested in Greek life it may be a perfect way to help him transition into college, and it would provide a network of concerned and supportive brothers to help ensure his success. The only thing I would worry about is that the student not become obsessed that there’s only “one” fraternity for him, and then be devastated if he doesn’t get in. </p>