<p>I agree - SEND HIM. Clearly he is smart (ACT 31) and has senioritis. I would also not discourage pledging. My D1 goes to a SEC school and pledged first semester - it did keep her very busy but the GPA expectation was very high and she made it and then some! I truly believe that busy people are more productive people! But then again, my kids starting working when they were 14 so some of the posters that have suggested that he get a job this summer made me laugh! What do teenagers do in the summer if they don’t work?</p>
<p>My S was so not ready when he graduated in 2012. No motivation in high school, grades plummeted to a 2.9 GPA. But we were all just ready to strangle each other, so we let him go…about an hour away. Fingers crossed, but expecting the worst. Which did happen. We made his withdraw 2 classes midterm that he was failing. He ended up with a 1.0 the first semester with the 3remaining classes…probation. He went back and still ended up withdrawing from 1 class, but got a 3.0 with the remaining…enough to get out if probation. He has Add symptoms. He is finishing up his 2nd year…only barely staying in school.</p>
<p>You know…I wasn’t a stellar student. I played quite a bit and didn’t apply myself. Ended up with a 2.3 . I hated to study, but I am a good worker. I’ve been with my employer for 27 years, make a decent living. They paid for me to get my MBA, which I did in my early 30’s …night classes after work, I only got one B. I’m so glad my parents didn’t pull me out. I think it’s wrong to give a minimum grade they have to obtain. Just my opinion.</p>
<p>It’s so hard letting them go when you know they aren’t ready. anyway, that’s our story. Don’t know if it helps.</p>
<p>I’m going to speak first not as a parent, but from the perspective of what an undergraduate Dean of Student Affairs would tell you. Boys DO mature more slowly than girls. Really smart ones such as your son get a strong blow to the solar plexus when they start college because they suddenly cannot easily ace their classes by skipping lectures and assignments, as the professors show no mercy for “the dog ate my homework” sort of behavior and they have an entire room filled with kids who were strong students in high school with high SAT/ACT scores. (Your son is already seeing college is not a cake walk because he’s electing NOT to do his AP calc work and is earning a D at present). Multiply that by five when he registers for his first semester freshman year courses. So, university, with its myriad distractions will probably be a challenge for your son. His grades may be awful for the first year. But then, what happens developmentally to young men, for the most part, between the freshman year and sophomore year is dramatic. You will likely see a completely different young man–one who demonstrates more responsibility, care, ability to focus, and so on. My parental recommendation is cut loose the apron strings and let him begin to take responsibility for his own actions. If cost is not the issue, why would YOU be deciding where HE will go? What does HE want to do? Which is the best fit for HIM? University professors do not take kindly to parent calls, so it’s not like you can keep fighting his battles for him any longer. You can still be his coach and his listening ear, but he is going to have to learn to advocate for himself and decide what he wants to do with his life. </p>
<p>I agree. When DS came home this last spring break, we had a very adult type conversation for two hours. That would have never occurred 2 years ago. Same thing with DH. We were both pleasantly surprised. Is he doing great in school…no. But he is doing better…stopped skipping classes and seems to care much more. He will be on the 5.5 year plan at this pace. There is improvement. Progress not perfection is my mantra. I’m more of the drill sergeant, do it my way sort of Mom. Giving up control is not easy, but it has been the best thing for him. He didn’t get into the frat he wanted because of grades. That resonated more with him than anything I could say…peer rejection. I think he needed that, as hard as it was to see him depressed over it. Life will teach them some crucial lessons. </p>
<p>“If he decides to go to UGA (which he’s pretty adamant about right now), and loses the HOPE scholarship, he will have to come home - we can’t afford it without the HOPE and we’ve been very clear about that. Yes, we stand to lose a few thousand dollars, and that’s significant, but it’s about more than just the money.”</p>
<p>This seems to be getting lost in some of the advice being given.</p>
<p>Your son is smart, but not doing the day to day work, doesn’t want to work hard, and you are worried that without you there, checking to be sure his work is complete and handed in (which you have been doing all his life), he won’t “rise to the occasion and get things done that we know he’s capable of”.</p>
<p>If you were reading this about some other child, what would you say? Chances are very high that at the very least he is going to have a rough semester or two settling in to the realities of college work. Chances are his grades are going to suffer. Which means chances are he will lose or at least be on probation for the HOPE scholarship that he HAS to have to make this work. </p>
<p>Now, if money wasn’t an issue, then you could send him, knowing in the back of your head that he is probably going to need an extra semester or two to finish because he’s going to have to retake a few classes. But if money is an issue, and there is a scholarship at stake, then maybe your thought process needs to be different. </p>
<p>I don’t know your son, but I know my share of kids like your son, and kids generally do about the same quality of work their first semester of college as they did in high school. Or they do worse, because the classes are harder, nobody is checking to be sure they are going to class and doing the daily grind of work, and the temptations to have fun are legion. But I personally wouldn’t assume that he’s suddenly going to go off to college and start hitting it out of the park on his own, when that isn’t what he’s been doing all along, despite his intelligence and test scores.</p>
<p>At the very least you need to be aware that if he goes away he is going to have a rough first semester or two, and you all need to be very clear on exactly how you, as a family, will respond to that. Not is a punitive way, but just so that everyone has very clear and rational understanding about expectations and consequences. Based on the kids and families I know who have had similar situations, I’d suggest that you make residential UGA a reward for great first semester grades as a commuter or at a CC.</p>
<p>Making it possible to talk to you honestly when he hits a bumpy patch will be good for him, too. </p>
<p>*I was a very young 16-year-old when I went off to college, so even though girls may mature faster than boys, I had a lot of the same problems—used to getting As without studying and not ready for the distractions that a college environment offered. I had a very rough first semester, and I wish I had felt like I could have confided in my parents instead of saying “oh, fine” whenever they asked me how things were going. Like several others here, I bounced back from a rocky start and managed to graduate with only a slightly blemished record in three years, so the first-semester problems did not derail me permanently. But it would have been nice to be able to talk to my mom about how overwhelmed and worried I felt. </p>
<p>I would send him off to UGA as well and agree that community college just doesn’t seem to be the right fit. The issue I see is his chosen major of engineering. This requires a lot of time and effort. Although I don’t know UGA at all, I think a frat could be a huge distraction, and yet his personality seems to be such that he would enjoy that type of living arrangement. I think you need to reconcile those two things, and perhaps even keep his major as an open question until he gets a better feel for what will be required of him. Then he has to decide whether he wants to commit to 4 years of a rigorous course load.</p>
<p>“Which means chances are he will lose or at least be on probation for the HOPE scholarship that he HAS to have to make this work.”</p>
<p>There is really is no “probation” for HOPE. If he doesn’t have at least a 3.0 after spring term he will lose HOPE. His parents would have to pay his tuition until 60 credit hours if he has a 3.0 at that point he could gain it back otherwise he has to wait until 90 credit hours to see if he has a 3.0 at which point HOPE would pay for the next 24 hours or so… However I’m not sure how many kids are able to bring the GPA back up once it falls below 3.0…</p>
<p>It’s not easy to get in to UGA any more. He might have trouble transferring in from a CC so I’d give it a shot for the first year.</p>
<p>Another parent of late blooming boy here. We sent ours off to large public, with a few parameters – we required that he take advantage of a couple of the programs/options to make a big school small, such as residential learning community, first year learning programs etc. We let him choose 2 out of several options – he rejected the learning community in favor of the freshman party dorm – not what we would have done, but a lesson for us in letting go and for him in taking responsibility. </p>
<p>As a sophomore, who pledged a fraternity, he has seen his grades go up and down. Dean’s list to not-so-great but-not-truly-abysmal. But he is on the upswing once again, and the fraternity, to my surprise, is a positive influence in terms of expectations, accountability etc. He, like many of the young men mentioned by other parents, is a changed person. He makes mistakes and learns from them, and knows when to reach out for help instead of pretending it will all go away. </p>
<p>Hang in there, this spring is tough on the seniors and the parents of seniors. </p>
<p>My son didn’t think he could pull off wearing a leather jacket. You grow into things.</p>
<p>Hi everyone, I want to update you further on this situation. It’s been a month of ups and downs, but we have a good plan in place. I will give you the Reader’s Digest version, leaving out the myriad details inherent in this type of situation. At first, DS didn’t want ANY money from any of us - he sat down and worked out all the numbers and was “ready” to graduate with A LOT of student debt. He didn’t want us holding the money over his head - he believes he can do it and is willing to take on the debt himself - he wants it that badly. He also decided - on a whim - that he could go to Kennesaw State and it would be cheaper. So I took him on a campus visit (it was the one school in the southeast we hadn’t been to) and he HATED it. He said it just felt like a bigger high school. </p>
<p>So then, all of us sat down and had a long talk. We are going to send him to UGA, but he won’t have a car the first year. We are going to commit to the first year, (his dad originally said DS had to have a perfect first semester or he was coming home) knowing that there will be bumps in the road. He is continuing his counseling and his job. He is getting the $5,500 federal student loan (which he will have to pay back), and we are paying the rest. So basically, it’s a joint effort with everybody having some skin in the game. He is proud of himself and it has made a big difference in him to have our support. It is with confidence that I am sending him off to UGA - GO DAWGS!!</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for your advice and support - who knew this would be so hard?? :)</p>
<p>@Knightdawg so glad you updated us! I’ve been wondering how things worked out and this is great news! </p>
<p>It’s good too that you investigated the less-expensive option, so at least he can feel good about taking on some loans to make it happen at UGA. </p>
<p>You’ve done a great job mom! </p>