A little into his second quarter of freshman year, our son informs us he isn’t happy with the program at the ‘dream school’ he is attending. Feels it is too focused on his least favorite aspects of his field, and not enough on the things he most enjoys. I suggested he speak to the advisor and try to tailor the program more to his tastes, but he says 1) the guy is lazy and 2) the program is rigid (both of which may be true) – and the only solution is to just leave at the end of the year. (He had a backup school which he is now reconsidering.) I’d welcome any input on this. I have no loyalty to the school he chose and am fine with him going elsewhere, but I do wish he’d try harder to make it work. Is there anything we as parents can do? I am trying not to be a helicopter, but if that’s what it takes to turn the situation around, I will be! Thanks for any advice.
Wow. I wouldn’t be very happy to get this message either. I’m suprised if he could be qualified to make such an assessment and that it couldn’t work in the circumstances. Certainly in lower division there must be some aspects you just have to get through. How odd this seems to me. And to characterize the advisor as ‘lazy’ just seems clueless on his part, what a thing to say. Is he usually a know-it-all type? And how will he anticipate similar or other problem at the other school. Plus he will need to apply as a transfer and depending on the school it may be much harder to get admitted as a transfer. Plus he will need recommendation letters.
What type of program, how far into the core requirements is he vs. having time to explore other disciplines?
If this is a case of a kid learning that he doesn’t like accounting after taking the first semester- then fine, he doesn’t like accounting. Maybe it will get more interesting, maybe it won’t- but it seems easier to switch majors at his current school then to transfer thinking that the material would be more compelling somewhere else.
If it’s something like engineering- again, the foundational classes are going to cover the same material regardless of where he goes.
So what’s the subject? And how is he doing in his non-major classes (surely he’s taking some classes outside his discipline?) And social life? Getting involved in campus life i.e. volunteer work, job, etc?
Music production/technology program. Doesn’t want to be a recording engineer (more of a composer of electronic music) and tried to avoid programs that stressed this. Thought he’d found what he wanted in a more mainstream conservatory atmosphere, but now finds he is doing nothing but recording and performing all the time, not his main interests. Of course he knows he has to pay his dues, etc., but the orientation of the program doesn’t seem lined up with his interests. So now what to do? (yes he is opinionated, and yes we know going as a transfer to his second-choice school might be difficult.)
I can imagine a psychology major, for instance, being science-based in one school and being “holistic” (mindfulness, yoga etc.) at another, as I try to imagine what this problem could entail. I could imagine an art history or history major being more about memorization versus themes, as an other example. I guess I could go on. The point being, it is possible that his assessement is correct. And though calling an advisor “lazy” sounds immature, two out of three of my kids have had advisors who “didn’t do anything.”
I think your son needs to know that he may not be able to rely on the advisor and may have to do some research himself. Can he talk to someone in the department of the subject he is majoring in? Does the school have a self-designed major? Interdisciplinary majors that might work? If the curriculum and courses available are truly not what he wants, I cannot imagine a more mature and legitimate reason to move elsewhere. But first, he needs to investigate options where he is.
Freshmen change their majors all the time of course. Is there any chance he misunderstood his original choice of major and should now consider a different one?
And, as others have said, is there anything else going on, socially for instance? If he were truly happy in all regards, at his current school, it would be rare to want to leave simply because of the focus of the major.
Again, this is a very focused, sophisticated concern for a young man that age, so he may be unusually mature or he may be unusually rigid- can’t tell from an online post…
I would engage your son in multiple conversations, over time, to make sure you dig and find the root cause. Sometimes kids aren’t happy for social/emotional reasons, and bring up unrelated academics to argue their point. Maybe he’s upset that he is no longer a straight A kid, maybe he is drowning in his major and is freaking out. Maybe he is homesick, has some bad experiences with his roommate, hasn’t found his tribe of friends, etc.
I think there are other faculty/staff who can be helpful to your son, if for some reason he is not connecting with his “official” advisor. Encourage him to find another professor or staff person to speak with. Can you tell us what his major is? Do you have access to his grades?
Music major. Grades first term were good – As and one B. I do think there may be some social aspects to this. He definitely had a ‘tribe’ at home, which he has not replicated at college.
Freshman do not usually appreciate how long it takes to make friends. If the advisor is also in charge of the department - he may well be right in his assessment. If not, I’d suggest he talk to higher ups.
I’d suggest he talk to some other people in related majors to see if a different department at the same school might serve his needs better. He should also make an appointment with the department at the target school and see if they really do offer what he thinks they do. In the meantime he should keep up the good grades and send out transfer applications. He might change his mind by the end of the year, but he’ll have an out if he still feels the same way in a few months.
In a way he’s lucky that he’s figured this out now. My younger son didn’t realize he really would have been better off in a different major until his senior year - he was okay where he was,(there’s a fair amount of overlap), but he’d have had better grades and enjoyed his courses more if he’d had to take fewer of a subset of the courses required by his major.
Well, you lost me at Music Major. No help there. I can imagine that a Music Program might lean towards a certain “type” of music, but wouldn’t you know that going in? Looking at the professors, their backgrounds and experiences, the types of ensembles and productions they have, etc. Did your son visit the school and speak with the music professors? I would think that Music would be a very “personal” kind of major, and that you would want a good fit for your style of performing.
Again, trust your parental instincts. Make sure the music misalignment is really the root cause before you agree to a transfer. And I would insist on student visiting several other schools and meeting with music professors AND talking with music majors. I would want this transfer to the LAST transfer.
It is hard to see your child unhappy, but the truth is, wherever he transfers to, there he is. He will still have to find his tribe, still have to navigate the social and emotional aspects of college life. The grass is not always greener on the new college campus.
Best of luck to you as you search for the true meaning of his unhappiness.
Edited after I posted and then saw additional posts that came in while I was composing my message.
It does sound like he may have a valid point with his music program. Again, have him connect with other students in the program. Is there anyone else in his program that is pursuing a similar goal? Maybe some upperclassmen can shed light on whether this is “paying dues” and it gets better in coming semesters, or whether he needs to get out now. And are there other professors he can speak with and confirm what the first advisor is telling him? You would hate to go through the transfer process and find out later that the program emphasis changes after the first year’s foundational courses.
Two thoughts:
- Is he getting any merit scholarship money? If so, this may not be possible at a transfer school.
- Tell him that you want to make sure he understands everything about the existing program, so he should find someone else like the dept head to talk to.
Yes MAJOR merit $. He visited, interviewed and auditioned at many schools, partly because of his search for this particular emphasis. He’s looked ahead at the curriculum and it seems to be more of the same; the program requires a practicum every quarter for 3yrs which he now learns is almost exclusively recording.
There are particular aspects to majoring in music that many students are not prepared for. I don’t know if he is in a BM or BA program, performance or general music, but in any case there are substantial foundational requirements for all music students in theory, aural skills, music history, ethnomusicology, composition and technology.
People think majoring in music is going to be a breeze but the theory and aural skills can be as tough as any premed sciences. And students often get grades that are lower than they are used to. Performers and composers alike may have strong talent, but not be especially good at theory or dictation or that kind of thing and it can be hard to plow through the harder aspects of a music major in order to get what the students consider the good stuff.
There are certainly schools where the requirements are less rigorous, schools where music study is more holistic or more interdisciplinary or more independent (think Bennington, for instance) but most BA or BM programs will have similar characteristics. In terms of type of music, some, like Berklee, Belmont, Miami Frost or USC (and others) may have a more contemporary program, and some will have practical majors like recording technology,music production or music business (UMass Lowell, Hartt, NYU, Northeastern, others).
There are different ways to do music, as well. The BM at a conservatory will be performance-focused. The BA at a college or university will be more academic. A musician can also major in something else and do music lessons, practice and performance outside of the classroom, on or off campus.There are also double majors, major/minor and double degrees.
Does he have a teacher he can talk with? Someone in the department?
Perhaps it really is time for a change but the question is, should it be a change of major or a change of schools?
The music forum may be a better place for you to post this but to get effective advice you might have to reveal more about the situation. Feel free to PM me if you like- I have a music major grad in the family who had to get through all those foundational courses to get to what she wanted to do, as well.
Tell him to find another professor to advise him. Most professors appreciate students who are proactive. Even if not his official advisor, he can get advice from others.
It sounds like you and/or your son did do a good amount of research before picking this school. So, why did this school get to the top of the pile? Was there a promise of the type of music your son wants to pursue? Or was the large merit scholarship a factor that swayed your family?
In other words, do you feel there was a “Bait and Switch” and your son was told (either directly or indirectly) that this school could provide the specific type of music program he was looking for? If so, can you retrace your steps and figure out who he spoke with that gave him the impression that caused him to pick this program over others? Or was there a misunderstanding, an assumption on your son’s part that he could pursue his specific music program based on just reading through the curriculum offerings?
I would have your son question both formally with other music professors and department administration, and informally with upperclassmen who can give a reality check so your son can know the likelihood of getting what he wants from his current music program.
transfer from the palce that was not researched enough (based on results). Start researching others much deeper than his current UG.
Student should be in charge of further research and all steps needed to transfer.
He’s the one that’s dissatisfied.
OP, what are the financial considerations of a possible transfer? Will you be able to afford a different school that won’t offer a large amount of merit aid?
And yes, your son should do the legwork for researching other schools. But, if it was my kid, I would want some kind of “proof” that the next school could definitely provide the exact type of music program. Heck, I would sit beside my kid in the office of the music dept. chair and listen with my own ears. Because you hate to have a transfer at all with the merit aid hanging out there, but you really, really don’t want to find out in another few months that the second school really didn’t fit your son either.
Money isn’t a huge issue as long as he gets it right the second time! I bet he will try to tell me that no academic program offers quite what he wants, which is probably to sit at his computer and make beats all day. To give him his due, he is actually very industrious and self-motivated about this.
A good part of becoming an adult is learning how to make things work for you, even though it might not be what you expected or wanted. It’s a very important skill to have, but I wonder if “our” kids really have the stamina to do so.
( in quotes, because I am making a generalized statement, not about OPs or my personal progeny) 
I know that k-12, some kids have had their interests catered to, and it can be a shock when that level of support isn’t there in college.
While you certainly don’t want to be spending time and money on something that is a total waste, I would be wary about transferring to something that does not end up to be closer to what he wants.
No academic program is going to be quite what he wants- that goes without saying. A kid interesting in neuroscience is going to invest two years in basic science courses that have nothing to do with neuroscience. A kid interested in Contemporary Art is going to spend two years taking classes on Ancient Rome or Medieval Church theology or Renaissance History. A kid interested in being a business journalist is going to “waste” two years taking economics and composition/rhetoric.
No academic program is going to take an 18 year old kid and mold them into what they want to be doing off the bat. College’s teach both functional skills (writing, research, analysis) and content skills (why the cave paintings at Lescaux are important if you want to understand Picasso). But it takes time before a kid is going to specialize in EXACTLY what he wants to be doing.
And some kids will learn along the way that they’ve changed their minds- and that’s ok too.
But this won’t change when/if your son transfers. Music performance is a core element of any career in the field- even if a kid isn’t very good at it compared to his peers. That’s likely why Freshman year focuses on nailing down the core.