<p>I have somewhat of a secret relationship right now. I think sometime this week I'm gonna tell my parents that I've got a girlfriend. My parents may be Indian, but they are EXTREMELY openminded and liberal. I hope they'll take this well. :D</p>
<p>If my parents ever restricted me on dating matters, I'd leave the house. But then I'd come back after a few hours, cause I'd have no dinner. </p>
<p>What you should do is start a Romeo-Juliet relationship. Meet in secret and sneak into your significant other's room in the middle of the night and spend every summer evening talking by the beach.</p>
<p>King818's post was hilarious but totally off the mark. (Except for the part about the facebook pics. Soooo true. But completely irrelevant to the thread.) I'm pretty sure he has never touched a female and was practicing the psychological phenomenon of projection. Yeah I just accused you of projecting your insecurities WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT. </p>
<p>ANYWAYS. As for the purpose of the thread -- of course, every family is different, but I'll share what happened with my boyfriend, who's first-generation Gujarati. </p>
<p>His parents are pretty chill but VERY, you know, success-oriented. I mean, he's all gonna-go-pre-med and never-gets-B's and blah blah blah. Very hard-working. Parents love him and want him to do the best possible, and with that comes the whole attitude of "GET YOUR SAT AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE SO YOU CAN GET INTO ACCELERATED MED PROGRAMS. DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME!" and what not. So uh, we kinda started hanging out, and started dating, and his parents kind of inferred that we were, as we spent more and more time together. And they were fine with it. (I'm white, btw.) Problems only arise when they'd rather that he spend time studying rather than with me, but that's not too often; most of the time, they're very friendly and welcoming. So he/I lucked out. </p>
<p>I'm not saying I recommend just getting a boyfriend and easing into it, lol. But I'm saying, you know, bring it up casually and it might turn out that they're fine with it. Like, let them know that you won't slip in your studies or anything (and, if you're comfortable talking about it, that you won't... you know... do anything they wouldn't approve of.) You might be surprised by how open they are to it!</p>
<p>Haha, as you guys can see, I don't really go on this website. It's more of a last resort, I have nothing better to do sort of thing. </p>
<p>ANYWAY. I went through ALOT of problems last year -- with depression and this supposed "best friend" of mine, my GPA fell to a 2.5 and I got my first D. (Usually, I'm an A/B student and my GPA was a 3.8 up until then. Yeah, It kinda sucks having suckish grades your junior year) Yes, I speak of the devil. THE ONLY people there for me were my parents and my three current best friends. So, who's looking out for my own good? To this day, my dad feels sad whenever I show the least bit of sadness. </p>
<p>FYI, I go to an All Girls' School. The first thing my parents are gonna ask is, "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU MEET THIS GUY?" Sure there's the nerdy places, like Speech&Debate tourneys, Model UN's, JSA conventions .. But then again, there's those not so nerdy places ... </p>
<p>The thing is, I'm not only talking about Prom&Winter Ball, but about LETTING MY PARENTS know I HAVE GUYFRIENDS DAMNIT and there's nothing wrong with that relationship! </p>
<p>I also have south asian friends that have BF's and two of them are my best friends. So HAH. I just don't like the way their relationship with their parents is all *****ed up. I don't want that to happen with my parents. THEY'RE FREAKING AWESOME.</p>
<p>Also, I just wanna know what's acceptable to them during college and argue/negotiate with them after that.</p>
<p>PS - King, I never said the other sex has cooties, but just that a MAJORITY I've met have been/are *******s to my friends and I'd rather not deal with people like that. There's a select few that are amazing though (=</p>
<p>Oh and if you didn't get it, I just DON'T KNOW how to bring the dating issue up. It's not like I've never been near a guy/wasn't "talking" to one!</p>
<p>How have you [South Asian] peeps brought this up with your parents without going crazy anal suspicious-that-you-have-a-bf/gf, check your every move on the computer (seriously that's what my best friend's parents are doing .. they even have a tracker on her phone which is taking it way too far in my opinion), and go loco about it?</p>
<p>I'd say that Twiz91 probably knows more of what you're going through...but if you want the perspective from a girl here it is...</p>
<p>I'm Indian and have an okay relationship with my parents. I absolutely love my dad and we connect really well of the level of science/work/school/stuff like that, but I would never bring up the topic of a relationship with him first. My mom and I have a bit of a shakier relationship, but she's really been through a LOT in life and it's good to be understanding. I kind of had a thing with this guy this summer, and before that the topic of dating had always been hypothetical. I ended the thing with the guy before I completely broke to my parents, but the easiest way for me was doing it in steps, like saying I had this tiny crush on this one guy, then being like he was really nice at a party, etc. </p>
<p>Then again, my parents do know that I interact with guys, they're not happy about it, and if I'm telling them some story they tend to jump on a guy's name and question me. From reading your posts it seemed as though your parents don't know that you have guy friends. I'd say just mention some names so make sure they know, they're obviously not going to think you're going out with a bunch of guys at once. </p>
<p>I'd say just ease them into it...</p>
<p>oh, and good luck with that MegaVortex :)</p>
<p>i am Indian. and know exactly what you are saying. but unless your parents won't pay for college if you go out with a guy ( lol i have heard that one before )... what more can they do?. I guess just introduce the guy to your parents if he isn't a complete ass.</p>
<p>Actually, I am an Asian too but I don't think my parents will oppose. The thing is even I want to, no one gonna date me since I think they don't like me or Asians.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I'm Indian and have an okay relationship with my parents. I absolutely love my dad and we connect really well of the level of science/work/school/stuff like that, but I would never bring up the topic of a relationship with him first. My mom and I have a bit of a shakier relationship, but she's really been through a LOT in life and it's good to be understanding. I kind of had a thing with this guy this summer, and before that the topic of dating had always been hypothetical. I ended the thing with the guy before I completely broke to my parents, but the easiest way for me was doing it in steps, like saying I had this tiny crush on this one guy, then being like he was really nice at a party, etc.</p>
<p>Then again, my parents do know that I interact with guys, they're not happy about it, and if I'm telling them some story they tend to jump on a guy's name and question me. From reading your posts it seemed as though your parents don't know that you have guy friends. I'd say just mention some names so make sure they know, they're obviously not going to think you're going out with a bunch of guys at once.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>omg, yeah this is totally my scenario. my parents are REALLY understanding but i just dont know how they'll take this. i think my situation's diff cause i actually go to an all girls' school so .. they'll just interrogate me about how i met this guy</p>
<p>I love how this topic just died. </p>
<p>C'mon my desis! Tell me your experiences (=</p>
<p>Haha - I'm helping to bring the topic back to life.</p>
<p>I'm Southeast Asian and I've never told my parents about any relationships before chiefly because I wasn't serious about them. But I'm going to tell them about my current boyfriend. Eventually. I get along really well with my parents but we've never really talked about this, so... Fingers crossed. I'm pretty sure they'd accept it with no problems if he was Malaysian too, but he's not - he's Australian and I think the first thing they'd struggle with is, "but... but... He's white!" Though he can be very charming when he wants to be - he might win them over with no effort whatsoever. :)</p>
<p>well, i'm on constant lock down in my house..i can't even go out for lunch with my friends or anything..so i don't mind sneaking around. but i only do that if its worth it. </p>
<p>i however, wanted to tell you about one friend(desi) and she got asked out by this pakistani-american, and her parents actually agreed..but once they saw her grades slipped in calculus, she just went behind their back and secretly kept seeing the guy. I think they're still together.</p>
<p>my advice is kinda universally stated: do what you think you want to do. if you want to talk to them fine. respecting your parents is all good and well, and understanding each other is a miracle. but in the end, do you want your parents to make these decisions for you or what? </p>
<p>in approaching them, depending on how comfortable you are, just tell them directly...don't do the whole spend five minutes wasting time talking about stupid things and then jump into the actual topic.</p>
<p>hope your luck is better then mine..now, that i've said my two cents, i can go back to being under house arrest. sorry, don't mean to sound bitter.</p>
<p>I'm not exactly the demographic you're aiming to talk to: I'm a white 18-year-old girl who doesn't date by her own choice. I can't claim to know what you're going through, because dating has very little appeal to me. But I know something of dealing with parents, so here are my thoughts. </p>
<p>First: Do not go behind your parents' backs. There are ways to screw up your relationship with your parents for the rest of your life, and this is one. You're old enough to make your own decisions, yes, but hopefully mature enough to realize that doing what you want isn't always the most intelligent decision. Talk to your parents, but do not go in with an "I'm going to do whatever I want" attitude. You may be surprised. You may be disappointed. Just don't be a coward and refuse to have the conversation. </p>
<p>Should the worst happened, I would, if I were in your situation, tell my parents that I will obey their decision. I would also remind them (remind is not the same as threaten, so don't confuse the two) that I won't live in their household forever (a year, in your case? Less? More?) and refusing to let you date now just makes it more likely you will make a mistake when you are out on your own and begin dating. There's always the chance that your parents will have a completely over-the-top, irrational reaction, but I've found that sometimes parents need to get those out of the way before they can be rational. Good luck, whatever you do.</p>
<p>^ so true...I wouldn't recommend sneaking around behind your parents back. Then again it may just be something that bother some people but not others. but I'd prefer to not tell them about a date immediately just to make sure I don't make a big deal out of something out of nothing</p>
<p>I'm with kingstylez.... except the getting laid on the first day part. Maybe you should take it a little more slowly than that. But at the end of the day it is JUST A DANCE. There's no reason to get into a huge conflict with your parents over this. Are you getting married to this guy? Is it really that crucial?
I'm not desi, but my parents are conservative immigrants, so i'm in lockdown land until college- which is ironic, because even though they watch me like a hawk now, they actually want me to go to schools hundreds of miles away. Go figure.</p>
<p>on a side note- King, you are waaaay overdoing it.
on a side side note- I've already gone behind my parent's backs, and I wouldn't recommend it.</p>
<p>Haha, its not about having a date to prom or winter ball anymore. Screw that. I go to an all girls' school and half my friends are whining about not having dates, so it's perfectly fine if I dont have one. But I am starting a Bollywood dance team (Go figure, I'm pretty much Co-Pres of South Asian Student Association aka FOB club) and I'm trying to get in contact with the all boys' school to see if they can be part of it. Cause um, Bollywood songs are pretty much dominated by men. </p>
<p>Anyway, practices would probably be held at my house/other officers' houses, which basically means that BOYS [who aren't preteens] would enter my house!! Side note, I have a bro that's 12. His friends range from 10-14. this would help the topic come into my life ... right?</p>
<p>Why even bother to discuss it if you clearly dont want to even date in HS? Looks to me like your not going to date in HS anyway, why worry about dropping a bomb on your parents when it appears your more interested in bollywood dancing, not relationships...</p>